Xyaero Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Alright, so here's my conundrum. I'm not sure if I'm taking thing too literal or overreacting or what. I've been with my guy for 6 months. We hit it off immediately after we met and went right into a relationship. At first, everything was peachy - his moods, sex was frequent (at least once a day or every other day) and he was extremely affectionate. Now, moving into month 7, that seems to have all changed. His mood is pretty much hit or miss, he doesn't seem as touchy-feely as he was at first and the intimacy has become non-existant. We are down to maybe once a month. This doesn't bother me too much, but here's the part that does: He constantly shoots me down when I approach him for sex, be it by getting massively irritated at lashing out verbally at me or ignoring me completely. I'm not sure why he started doing this, especially since he couldn't keep his hands off me three months ago. It hurts pretty deeply and when I try to discuss it with me he'll get irritated with me and this will usually lead to a fight. I'm not sure what to do, since he is extremely attractive to me and according to him, I am the best woman he's ever dated. We're both 26 and he has had a pretty active sex life with multiple partners before me (Roughly 15-20) whereas he's only my 4th. I don't know if that would contribute to his lack of interest or patience with me asking him but any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. I'm absolutely frustrated and at my wits end that this guy I love deeply won't be intimate with me.
firehawk_1 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 well at least you both get sex, be it once a day or once a month. I... dont. havent for several years, literally. and having many partners isnt good either for many reasons. have you tried to talk to him? have you tried to ask whats up? and dont do it by overreacting or causing drama.... you may also need to put in some effort rather than expecting things like women seem to these days. you may also need to spice things up remember, its NOT all about sex!
Author Xyaero Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I have tried a few times to see what is going on and he gets pretty snippy with me (and believe me, I am as tender as I can manage with the subject). He won't discuss it with me at all and if he does he'll usually point fingers as me, saying that I shouldn't bother asking and to "woo" him. Again, I've tried too "woo" him by cooking, being affectionate, giving him massages and just about anything else he enjoys despite working twice as much as he does. I have honestly tried everything at this point and I'm beginning to get scared make a move or suggest it since he gets so irritated whenever its brought up. He is a bit of a control freak, on the flip side, though. When he wants it (which is maybe once every month or more) he displays a "take it or leave it" attitude, with little concern to foreplay or my own finish. I really do try to seem sexy and desireable to him. I wouldn't be so concerned about our sexual health if I wasn't trying my hardest to keep the intimacy afloat.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Is it possible that's he sleeping with someone else?
Author Xyaero Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I'm absolutely certain he's not sleeping with anyone else. We live and work together, so we're rarely apart unless he's working days I am off and vice versa. I know constantly being together can hinder the need to be intimate, but I give him plenty of space and I've never been with anyone who has had such a huge drop in sexual desire and I've lived with all four of my boyfriends and have been around them more in a day than my current one.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'm absolutely certain he's not sleeping with anyone else. We live and work together, so we're rarely apart unless he's working days I am off and vice versa. I know constantly being together can hinder the need to be intimate, but I give him plenty of space and I've never been with anyone who has had such a huge drop in sexual desire and I've lived with all four of my boyfriends and have been around them more in a day than my current one. Does it feel like he'a no longer physically attracted to you? Did you gain weight recently? (not trying to be rude, just want to understand the situation). Did he have any long-term relationships in the past? He could be one of those guys who are incapable of remaining interested on the same female for more than a few months.
Author Xyaero Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 He still tells me he thinks I'm beautiful and that he is happy with me, but I am a very physical person. I love to be touched and to touch. I am pushed to my limits not to let the lack of physical attention get to me, but after a month or so or no intimacy I tend to get a little depressed, but I in no way take it out him. I've actually lost weight since we got together. Roughly about 30 pounds. And he has had several long term relationships, his latest lasting 3 years, but to my knowledge the woman was terrible to him (took advantage of him, slept around, etc etc)
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