New boyfriend hopes my body doesn't change?

[kaylan]

Money is entirely different issue than staying attractive to your mate. Staying physically attractive is something both men and women should do. So money and gender arent issues here.

 

But nice try.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Money is entirely different issue than staying attractive to your mate. Staying physically attractive is something both men and women should do. So money and gender arent issues here.

 

But nice try.

 

I disagree. Money and sex are the two biggest things that couples argue about. If any woman qulified her man's paycheck like he qualified her body, guys would be telling him to leave.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I prayed to God that my body wouldn't change. My prayer went unanswered.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Perhaps if men spent less time with their head in their internet porn folder and more learning about real women, men wouldn't say these stupid things or even think them.

 

Sorry to break it to you, but those porn women arent CGI, they are real. Many of who are older than 30, and they somehow manage to stay in shape. Many non porn women who I see at the gym that are over 30 have flat bellies. So it can be done. Its not an unrealistic standard. This guy is a hypocrite for expecting a flat belly when he himself is flabby, but he should be dating a women who wants to stay in shape, not one that expects to stay attractive to her SO when she gains too much weight.

[Els]

Money is entirely different issue than staying attractive to your mate. Staying physically attractive is something both men and women should do. So money and gender arent issues here.

 

But nice try.

 

Umm, okay, then.

 

Imagine you're both in the throes of passion. Then the girl runs her hand over your 6-pack abs and says, "I pray to GOD you'll never stop keeping up those muscles."

 

I think the appropriate response from most guys would be 'wtf'.

[kaylan]

Umm, okay, then.

 

Imagine you're both in the throes of passion. Then the girl runs her hand over your 6-pack abs and says, "I pray to GOD you'll never stop keeping up those muscles."

 

I think the appropriate response from most guys would be 'wtf'.

Id be flattered that she finds me so sexy.

 

Then Id reply "haha, babe you know I love looking good, and I love lookin good for you...Ill stay sexy if you stay sexy for me...deal? If you dont keep up your end of the bargain, Im gonna become a cow...one of those big black teddy bear type dudes"

 

Thats how you handle such a harmless comment. Its a shame how insecure some of you women are about this. Take pride in being sexy....and you should damn well want to stay sexy for your man.

 

Also, dont twist the OPs story...her guy didnt put super emphasis on anything he said. He didnt say GOD, in a loud tone. He merely made a passing statement in a calm collected mannger.

[kaylan]

I disagree. Money and sex are the two biggest things that couples argue about. If any woman qulified her man's paycheck like he qualified her body, guys would be telling him to leave.

Again...just because sex and money are important, does not mean they are equal issues.

 

Ive seen couple stay together because the sex was great, despite what their financial situation was. Sex is definitely more of a glue than money is. A person in a crappy sexual relationship but with lots of money, will eventually pine for someone else.

 

Money is not a basic human need the way sex is. Money can come and go, a sexual attraction is much different...and if someone becomes unattractive to you, and if they stay a blob, then you wont just become attracted to them without work being done.

[Els]

Again...just because sex and money are important, does not mean they are equal issues.

 

Ive seen couple stay together because the sex was great, despite what their financial situation was. Sex is definitely more of a glue than money is. A person in a crappy sexual relationship but with lots of money, will eventually pine for someone else.

 

You would be surprised how some women can literally be sexually attracted to a man with power and wealth. And how long they stay with them.

 

I don't believe either flat stomachs or big wallets are good foundations for relationships, but I'm sure some people do, and that's okay. I don't think the OP's guy said anything bad, I think it was just a weird thing to say during sex! "Babe, you're so sexy" is completely different from "I pray to god your body never changes".

[kaylan]

^Attracted sexually? Riiiiight...thats why they dont have side boyfriends right? Ive seen more than enough stories about the rich provider guy not getting any sex, and the hot side man getting all the love, to know that wealth and power does not equal sexual attraction. Wealth and power trigger something in women seeking security, not anything about good sex.

 

Plenty of men have seen time and time again that power and wealth do not equal physical attraction. Those women are there for the security and the sex life suffers if they werent physically attracted to the man to begin with.

 

Physical attraction is separate of money, which is why hot poor or middle class men do so well with women. Money and power simply makes up for the looks a guy doesnt have.

[Els]

^Attracted sexually? Riiiiight...thats why they dont have side boyfriends right? Ive seen more than enough stories about the rich provider guy not getting any sex, and the hot side man getting all the love, to know that wealth and power does not equal sexual attraction. Wealth and power trigger something in women seeking security, not anything about good sex.

 

Plenty of men have seen time and time again that power and wealth do not equal physical attraction. Those women are there for the security and the sex life suffers if they werent physically attracted to the man to begin with.

 

And equally so, plenty of women (not saying they're good women, but still) leave their younger, 'hotter' husbands for the powerful boss or CEO, or have affairs with them. Good sex does not necessarily equal good relationships. A guy who looks good might not even be good in bed in the first place.

 

Physical attraction is separate of money, which is why hot poor or middle class men do so well with women.

 

I'm sorry, but this is just not reality. The fact remains that plenty of women ARE attracted to wealth (and a man who is generous with his wealth). Again, as I said, I really don't think it's the best thing to base a relationship on, but that's just the way some people are. To say that wealth is a NON-FACTOR in all relationships is really false. How do you even think all of the older-man-younger-women pairings came about? Do you really think those older guys have 6 packs, well styled hair and cute faces?

[kaylan]

And equally so, plenty of women (not saying they're good women, but still) leave their younger, 'hotter' husbands for the powerful boss or CEO, or have affairs with them. Good sex does not necessarily equal good relationships. A guy who looks good might not even be good in bed in the first place.

But what I am talking about is what trigger pure sexual attraction. Power and wealth wont do it the same way physical hotness will. The fact that poor and middle class attractive men do so well with women proves my point. Money doesnt = sexual attraction...it simply makes up for a lack of looks and triggers security needs in women.

 

I'm sorry, but this is just not reality. The fact remains that plenty of women ARE attracted to wealth (and a man who is generous with his wealth). Again, as I said, I really don't think it's the best thing to base a relationship on, but that's just the way some people are. To say that wealth is a NON-FACTOR in all relationships is really false. How do you even think all of the older-man-younger-women pairings came about? Do you really think those older guys have 6 packs, well styled hair and cute faces?

Attracted in a purely sexual sense? I think not...which is why a lot of young wives who marry rich older men tend to have side guys. Simply read the threads on this forum of the provider husbands who dont get laid. Wealth = security not sexual attraction. Money will never equal a sexy and tight masculine body. Never. Money simply makes up for the lack of physical looks a guy has. Doesnt mean the women are sexually wet for rich guys the same way they are for the hot guy.

 

Money triggers security....hotness trigger sexual feelings. Lets be real here. I didnt say wealth was a non factor in relationships as a whole. I said wealth doesnt compare to true sex appeal when it comes to sexual attraction.

 

Older man - younger woman pairings are about security. Not sexual attraction. Wanna tell me Anna Nicole Smith found her husband super sexy? Wanna tell me hugh hefner has women thinking hes super hot? They dont get super sexually attracted to him. They are attracted to the security and opportunities for a different life he provides.

Edited April 21, 2012 by kaylan

[threebyfate]

I'm eating right so that helps too but he's not in the best shape. He has a pretty decent body but he isn't cut up or anything. He's just slim to fit. I dont think that's a big deal, right?

Did you say "Well honey, I sure hope you do change by getting fit and cut"?

[kaylan]

If power and wealth compared to physical appeal when it came to sexual attraction, then Warren Buffet would be a super popular sex symbol...not David Beckham.

[Flummox]

It doesn't sound like he wants a serious relationship with you, or else he wouldn't be so tactless. Either enjoy it while it lasts or dump him.

[TheBigQuestion]

Please, if any lady said to her man, "I pray to GOD you make more and more money..." Every guy here would tell him to hit the door.

 

OP, you've discovered where your man's head is at. Whether it was a "flub" or not, doesn't matter. He truly thinks this way. Whether he shouldn't or should have said it doesn't matter, he truly thinks this way. He places unrealistic standards concerning your body.

 

You have to ask yourself what kind of man you want in your life. One that fears for the day when your body will chanage or the man that loves you and LOVES the things that change about you as you grow older with him.

 

Perhaps if men spent less time with their head in their internet porn folder and more learning about real women, men wouldn't say these stupid things or even think them.

 

For your analogy to work, it would have to be something more along the lines of the woman saying to her man "I pray to God you keep making as much money as you have been the past few years." Just for the sake of accuracy. With that said, I disagree with your conclusion. I wouldn't tell the guy to drop the woman even if she was asking the guy to make more money. Why? Because women who are truly materialistic and/or gold-diggers have a way of leaving when they realize the man isn't making enough money to spoil her anyway.

 

Perhaps OP's boyfriend needs a lesson in social graces, but what he said isn't any different than what most people, regardless of their gender, actually think but are smart enough to keep to themselves. If someone is dating someone who they think has a particularly attractive physique, most of the time they're going to hope that they keep looking that way for as long as possible. Women in this very thread have agreed. It's not unrealistic at all to expect someone to stay in reasonably good shape throughout their 30s and 40s. If my girlfriend said she hoped I stay in good physical shape for a long time (and in fact, she has said that), my reaction wouldn't be to grow seriously concerned about my relationship or to consider dumping her. Having the expectation that your long-term partner stay attractive for you over a long period of time is a perfectly reasonable one.

 

I knew that you'd somehow bring porn into this conversation. I'm actually impressed you didn't elaborate on it and turn it into a complete threadjack like you usually do.

Edited April 21, 2012 by TheBigQuestion

[ascendotum]

I disagree. Money and sex are the two biggest things that couples argue about. If any woman qulified her man's paycheck like he qualified her body, guys would be telling him to leave.

 

Instead of saying..if any lady said to her man, "I pray to GOD you make more and more money"...Every guy here would tell him to hit the door......you had said....if a lady said to her man, "I pray to god you keep making these bonuses for at least the next 5 years so that way we can afford to buy a house in lakeshore.", you would have been closer to the mark.

He's not asking a trim build girl, to get slimmer & slimmer. He's a slim/fit guy, who's crazy about his gf and hopes her slim/fit figure doesn't become a memory after only a couple of years.

[ascendotum]

Did you say "Well honey, I sure hope you do change by getting fit and cut"?

 

Do you consider a woman being slim/fit having greater achievement status than a man being slim/fit?

Is a gf not getting overweight equivalent to bf doing weight lifting?

[Chubbi]

Perhaps OP's boyfriend needs a lesson in social graces, but what he said isn't any different than what most people, regardless of their gender, actually think but are smart enough to keep to themselves. If someone is dating someone who they think has a particularly attractive physique, most of the time they're going to hope that they keep looking that way for as long as possible. Women in this very thread have agreed. It's not unrealistic at all to expect someone to stay in reasonably good shape throughout their 30s and 40s. If my girlfriend said she hoped I stay in good physical shape for a long time (and in fact, she has said that), my reaction wouldn't be to grow seriously concerned about my relationship or to consider dumping her. Having the expectation that your long-term partner stay attractive for you over a long period of time is a perfectly reasonable one.

:

 

Omg, would you please SPEAK FOR YOURSELF? That is not a thought most people have, STOP SAYING THAT!

 

I for one would love if my man's body over the course of years changed, because that showed maturity and growth in our relationship. I DO NOT want to date a effing vampire: stuck at 18 years old.

 

I just hate it when people who are extremely jaded and cynical says "That's what everyone thinks!' No its' not. That's what you think because you are extremely jaded and cynical. I for one will have NO problem if my boyfriend gained a little weight, lost his muscles, gotten wrinkles, got a belly, turned his hair grey over the course of years we've been together, because I want to grow old with someone. That's what's being with someone over 20 years is about.

 

Just speak for yourself next time. Don't put your jaded, superficial thoughts on everyone.

[TheBigQuestion]

Omg, would you please SPEAK FOR YOURSELF? That is not a thought most people have, STOP SAYING THAT!

 

I for one would love if my man's body over the course of years changed, because that showed maturity and growth in our relationship. I DO NOT want to date a effing vampire: stuck at 18 years old.

 

I just hate it when people who are extremely jaded and cynical says "That's what everyone thinks!' No its' not. That's what you think because you are extremely jaded and cynical. I for one will have NO problem if my boyfriend gained a little weight, lost his muscles, gotten wrinkles, got a belly, turned his hair grey over the course of years we've been together, because I want to grow old with someone. That's what's being with someone over 20 years is about.

 

Just speak for yourself next time. Don't put your jaded, superficial thoughts on everyone.

 

I'm sure most people wouldn't dump their significant other if their appearance deteriorated over the years. I'm sure they wouldn't stop loving them either. But to say that all other things being equal that most people would actually prefer their partners to let themselves go when they are perfectly capable of maintaining their appearances is a little bit nutty. You certainly don't speak for everyone yourself. Most people accept aging. However, most people don't accept giving up altogether. In that, I certainly can speak for a great majority of people, even if politically-correct standards of speech don't allow for them to say so out loud in every possible environment.

[Els]

Instead of saying..if any lady said to her man, "I pray to GOD you make more and more money"...Every guy here would tell him to hit the door......you had said....if a lady said to her man, "I pray to god you keep making these bonuses for at least the next 5 years so that way we can afford to buy a house in lakeshore.", you would have been closer to the mark.

He's not asking a trim build girl, to get slimmer & slimmer. He's a slim/fit guy, who's crazy about his gf and hopes her slim/fit figure doesn't become a memory after only a couple of years.

 

The bolded is STILL a really strange thing to say during sex (as the OP's bf's words were, too!). Don't you think so!?

[Els]

But what I am talking about is what trigger pure sexual attraction. Power and wealth wont do it the same way physical hotness will. The fact that poor and middle class attractive men do so well with women proves my point. Money doesnt = sexual attraction...it simply makes up for a lack of looks and triggers security needs in women.

 

Attracted in a purely sexual sense? I think not...which is why a lot of young wives who marry rich older men tend to have side guys. Simply read the threads on this forum of the provider husbands who dont get laid. Wealth = security not sexual attraction. Money will never equal a sexy and tight masculine body. Never. Money simply makes up for the lack of physical looks a guy has. Doesnt mean the women are sexually wet for rich guys the same way they are for the hot guy.

 

Money triggers security....hotness trigger sexual feelings. Lets be real here. I didnt say wealth was a non factor in relationships as a whole. I said wealth doesnt compare to true sex appeal when it comes to sexual attraction.

 

Older man - younger woman pairings are about security. Not sexual attraction. Wanna tell me Anna Nicole Smith found her husband super sexy? Wanna tell me hugh hefner has women thinking hes super hot? They dont get super sexually attracted to him. They are attracted to the security and opportunities for a different life he provides.

 

I don't get what your point is. My point is that for some women, wealth/status/power is a factor for them wanting to remain in the relationship. Ergo, if that wealth/status/power is gone, they don't feel as attracted to the guy or interested in remaining in the R anymore (AGAIN, I must reiterate that I don't agree with them, but they do exist). So how is it not synonymous with the 'flat stomach' in the OP? Essentially, the outcome is the same. 'Sexual' attraction or not aside (I still maintain that other factors than physical can affect sexual attraction, but that debate is moot and not the point of this thread), the person would like their partner to maintain their wealth/flat stomach for their interest in them to continue and thinks about it or prioritizes it enough to say such a thing during an intimate moment.

[Els]

Omg, would you please SPEAK FOR YOURSELF? That is not a thought most people have, STOP SAYING THAT!

 

I for one would love if my man's body over the course of years changed, because that showed maturity and growth in our relationship. I DO NOT want to date a effing vampire: stuck at 18 years old.

 

I just hate it when people who are extremely jaded and cynical says "That's what everyone thinks!' No its' not. That's what you think because you are extremely jaded and cynical. I for one will have NO problem if my boyfriend gained a little weight, lost his muscles, gotten wrinkles, got a belly, turned his hair grey over the course of years we've been together, because I want to grow old with someone. That's what's being with someone over 20 years is about.

 

Just speak for yourself next time. Don't put your jaded, superficial thoughts on everyone.

 

Yup, ditto.

 

I really don't expect my bf to be as muscular when he is 50. I know it's perfectly possible to maintain muscles all the way into old age - heck, Sylvester Stallone did it! - but it really doesn't matter that much to me. And honest to god, when we're lying there together after a night of bliss, that would be the last thing on my mind to say!

[ascendotum]

The bolded is STILL a really strange thing to say during sex (as the OP's bf's words were, too!). Don't you think so!?

 

Talking about $ + career just after sex with a fairly new bf...yes it would be a little strange thing to say.

For a guy whose ex/s could well have been overweight, and to now have a gf who he's very attracted to who happens to also have a nice flat stomach which he is stroking while lying next to her in bed naked, then no, making the comment he did was not weird in such a context. I'm not saying it was appropriate especially with the 'hope to god' emphasis, but it was not strange given the setting, He's rapt in her, and just wants enjoy her the way she is for as long as possible. She's 35 and he is likely well aware so many women start getting a mid spread around this age, he just hopes she doesnt change too much/too soon...like majority of men would (despite what chubbi says).

[kaylan]

I don't get what your point is. My point is that for some women, wealth/status/power is a factor for them wanting to remain in the relationship. Ergo, if that wealth/status/power is gone, they don't feel as attracted to the guy or interested in remaining in the R anymore (AGAIN, I must reiterate that I don't agree with them, but they do exist). So how is it not synonymous with the 'flat stomach' in the OP? Essentially, the outcome is the same. 'Sexual' attraction or not aside (I still maintain that other factors than physical can affect sexual attraction, but that debate is moot and not the point of this thread), the person would like their partner to maintain their wealth/flat stomach for their interest in them to continue and thinks about it or prioritizes it enough to say such a thing during an intimate moment.

Oi vey. My point from the jump is that one cant equate money to physical appeal. Two different things. So when the earlier poster tried to take what OPs boyfriend said and substitute wealth for something physical, it just doesnt work that way. The same way I couldnt compare one chicks hotness to another girls nurturing skills...feel me?

 

Yes, wealth and nurturing qualities are things women and men look for when it comes to finding a partner, but they dont compare to the physical aspect...which is what this thread is about. They are simply separate factors and its silly to try to compare them for one another.

 

Ive been really hitting on simply physical attraction though, and a woman who bails on a guy completely when the wealth and power run out was never physically attracted to the man in the first place. If she was she would at least still have sex with him. Wealth will never be synonymous with pure physical attraction...its merely a cheap wannabe substitute that wont compare or keep a woman around who truly wants sex with you.

 

Other things do factor into physical attraction...but wealth isnt really one of them and I think enough of us have seen how the world works to know that. If a guy doesnt at least have something going on looks and personality wise, money wont make him sexy. Itll just make women want him for security. Is Hugh Hefner sexy or is his security and the opportunities he provide attractive? Thats my point. Women find Cristiano Ronaldo sexy, but even without the money and status, many women would be attracted to him. Jay Leno has money and status, but hes no sex symbol like Ronaldo or Beckham are. What would young attractive women find attractive about Leno? His lifestyle and the security he provides...not him physically in all honesty.

 

Flat stomach is a flat stomach. Man or woman. If you wanna compare wealth to something, compare it to nurturing. Thatd be more suitable. Compare a womens traditional nurturing duties to a mans traditional security duties. Nowadays plenty of men and women want and expect a physically attractive partner.

Edited April 21, 2012 by kaylan

[Titania22]

Well ultimately from reading this thread, i think it boils down to this.

 

Maintaining a healthy fit body throughout life is a good idea, in a relationship or not.

 

But if a partner can't differentiate between letting yourself go and natural body changes that happen to everyone over time that is a problem. A fit healthy body at 45 still looks different from a fit healthy body at 25, no matter what a person does. And likewise for women at different times of the month we retain more or less water (which resembles fat) due to hormone changes.

 

Then of course in life unexpected things occur, sickness or extra stress, which we all have to deal with sometimes, and they can get in the way of our healthy eating and exercise regimes.

 

A lifelong commitment means sticking by someone through these times and loving them regardless.

 

I know some people do "let themselves go" but even the most disciplined person (unless they are in exceptionally fortunate circumstances) will still likely have times when their overall attractiveness slips for a bit.

 

And in the end all of us will be very wrinkled with either thin white hair or no hair anyway, or in the grave.