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New boyfriend hopes my body doesn't change?

Febreze

By Febreze
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Fitz Established Member

Fitz

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As the cliche goes-

 

In relationships:

Women go in hoping to change the man.

Men go in hoping the woman never changes.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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If jogging around the block + cutting back on snacks restored hair, then the wife would not be out of line, to ask him to get on with it, at the same time she does to reduce her butt.

 

Don't tell me that you don't know what cellulite is

If she can remove cellulite then he can use Rogain and get hair plugs for her. :laugh:

lospantalonsfancie Established Member

lospantalonsfancie

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Most guys would think the same thing. Men are programmed to primarily value the physical, and almost all do at least initially. The only difference between this guy and most others is that he had the poor judgement to actually say it. Sounds like a case of a broken filter to me.

 

You just have to ask yourself: would you rather be with someone who thinks it and doesn't say it, or someone who says what they think? Remember that this doesn't mean he will leave you if you pack on a few pounds, because he may develop more affection for you than that. Actions speak louder than words or thoughts.

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Febreze Established Member

Febreze

Posted
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I'M BACK LOL. Anyhow during the movie he rubbed my stomach the whole time. Looks like he's obsessed with it :p but I digress.

 

I got another red flag but a small 1: he finally tried to guess my age and got it wrong 2x. Now I'm worried about even telling him because I'm afraid of what his reaction might be :o

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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I'M BACK LOL. Anyhow during the movie he rubbed my stomach the whole time. Looks like he's obsessed with it :p but I digress.

 

I got another red flag but a small 1: he finally tried to guess my age and got it wrong 2x. Now I'm worried about even telling him because I'm afraid of what his reaction might be :o

 

Start guessing what his annual salary is and see how he likes it.

  • Like 2
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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WHat he said was serious distastful... in VERY bad taste... It is an extremely OFF thing to say. People with good social skills do not say such things to people.....

 

Unless it was a mishap; although, I would say he is very immature on the matter, and needs to be put into line. Big time.

My boyfriend was very immature in regards to some issues; I put him in his place, and he changes his stance on certain issues. He liked me enough to pick ME over his old way of thinking about certain things.

 

 

Tell him straight up!! - look, I like you, but your comment was very immature and inapprioriate, because everyones bodies change with age, so why should I have to ht the gym like a maniac and starve myself, and work extra hard for you, so u stay attracted?""

 

..." I deserve a guy who likes me enough and is attracted to me, regardless of wheather I can a few pounds due to the aging process........ I do not like your attitude on the matter, and you need to learn to like me for more than my body, or let me find a guy that deserves me"

 

 

U NEED to tell him all that, in your own words! Tell him to either appreciate your for your entirity, your personality, or to set you free to find a guy who WILL.

NYC-BigKat Established Member

NYC-BigKat

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WHat he said was serious distastful... in VERY bad taste... It is an extremely OFF thing to say. People with good social skills do not say such things to people.....

 

Unless it was a mishap; although, I would say he is very immature on the matter, and needs to be put into line. Big time.

My boyfriend was very immature in regards to some issues; I put him in his place, and he changes his stance on certain issues. He liked me enough to pick ME over his old way of thinking about certain things.

 

 

Tell him straight up!! - look, I like you, but your comment was very immature and inapprioriate, because everyones bodies change with age, so why should I have to ht the gym like a maniac and starve myself, and work extra hard for you, so u stay attracted?""

 

..." I deserve a guy who likes me enough and is attracted to me, regardless of wheather I can a few pounds due to the aging process........ I do not like your attitude on the matter, and you need to learn to like me for more than my body, or let me find a guy that deserves me"

 

 

U NEED to tell him all that, in your own words! Tell him to either appreciate your for your entirity, your personality, or to set you free to find a guy who WILL.

 

But I always thought it was a girl's body that leads guys to want to be w/ them anyways :confused:.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Id expect a girl to stay sexy for me, just like id wanna stay sexy for her.

 

The whining people in this thread are those who are ok with letting themselves go and prolly expect their partners attraction not to change. Thats not reality though.

Holy overreaction Batman!

 

Sure, what he told OP was a bit clumsily worded, but if this was a single offhand comment, one can't really deduce anything meaningful from it. The fact that this is a relatively new relationship and he's making comments suggesting being with you years down the line is way more of a red flag than the part of the comment pertaining to body shape, IMO.

 

The truth is, if any guy gets into a relationship with a woman who is in really good shape (or whatever shape he prefers), of course he would prefer that the woman stay that way for as long as possible. OP just happens to date a guy who is stupid enough to verbalize what most people actually think but have been socialized to keep under wraps. Seriously, ladies. You meet a hunky dude with a good body and you aren't going to hope that he maintains that physique for as long as you're with him? Get off your high horses.

^This.

 

In this thread: a lot of average people who either dont work out or plan to let themselves go in the future. Marriage and kids is not an excuse to let yourselves go people.

 

And I plan to marry a fit chick who wouldnt let pregnancy ruin her fitness level for years after. I wanna stay in shape because feeling sexy feels good, and knowing my partner finds me sexy feels great as well. A big part of the reason the passion dies in relationships is because people become complacent, lazy, and let themselves go. This ruins attraction and causes a strain on a relationship. Screw that.

I'M BACK LOL. Anyhow during the movie he rubbed my stomach the whole time. Looks like he's obsessed with it :p but I digress.

 

I got another red flag but a small 1: he finally tried to guess my age and got it wrong 2x. Now I'm worried about even telling him because I'm afraid of what his reaction might be :o

Im 25 and find it super hot when a chick in her 30s is very fit...Its like you are this elite female because a lot of people your age arent in the same league anymore like they were in your 20s.

 

Honestly I think he wont mind your age...hell probably think "wow...shes already this age and looks this great? shes def always gonna take care of herself" At least thats what Id think if I met a foxy gal in her 30s or 40s.

Edited by kaylan
  • Like 3
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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And I plan to marry a fit chick

Is this a proposal? Why, Kaylan, it's all so sudden! Now I'll have to get my hair done and hire a caterer...

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Id expect a girl to stay sexy for me, just like id wanna stay sexy for her.

 

The whining people in this thread are those who are ok with letting themselves go and prolly expect their partners attraction not to change. Thats not reality though.

^This.

 

In this thread: a lot of average people who either dont work out or plan to let themselves go in the future. Marriage and kids is not an excuse to let yourselves go people.

 

And I plan to marry a fit chick who wouldnt let pregnancy ruin her fitness level for years after. I wanna stay in shape because feeling sexy feels good, and knowing my partner finds me sexy feels great as well. A big part of the reason the passion dies in relationships is because people become complacent, lazy, and let themselves go. This ruins attraction and causes a strain on a relationship. Screw that.

Im 25 and find it super hot when a chick in her 30s is very fit...Its like you are this elite female because a lot of people your age arent in the same league anymore like they were in your 20s.

 

Honestly I think he wont mind your age...hell probably think "wow...shes already this age and looks this great? shes def always gonna take care of herself" At least thats what Id think if I met a foxy gal in her 30s or 40s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

AGREED - that staying sexy is key, I am that way myself! I will always stay fit, and do core/stomach work. always.

I doubt ANYONE on this thread agrees that a guy should be thrilled if his g/f/wife turns into a fat blob.

What we are saying, is that there are subtle changes, like a slightly thicker midsection, when women approach their mid 30's and beyond.....

That said, it can still be a TONED midsection! Just a thicker shape in general, slightly thicker perhaps, and maybe a fraction less toned for the women with bad genes who simply would need to work out literally 2 - 3 hours a day, and starve on 1000 calories, in order to stay super fit as they were in their youth....

Worse still, what if u get cancer or have to go on meds that make u gain weight, albiet not for long ( and can be changed after the oreal)?

Would u dump a girl you truly loved, TRULY loved, for gaining weight for medical reasons????? What, you would give up the girl of your dreams, and come back to her the enext year when she had LOST the weight?

 

Bottom line: if your truly in love, you would stick by your partner no matter what, throughout most things. I do not want a partner down the track, who is not in love with me enough to stick me throughout a horrible medical ordeal, that causes weight gain, god forbid....

This guy IS a shallow jerk, if he would ditch a women he really likes, if she is to slightly change her body as she ages! IF the women is active and fit, but slightly age related changes occour any way, if IS truly superfical for leaving!

OR, he has not found the right girl, and perhaps he WOULD put up with a 10 lbs gain if he did find the right girl for him...

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

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Ask him what he meant by the comment and why he made it. I agree it was very insensitive of him so tell him that, BUT maybe he didn't mean it to sound that way.

Edited by Lauriebell82
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
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Id expect a girl to stay sexy for me, just like id wanna stay sexy for her.

 

And I plan to marry a fit chick who wouldnt let pregnancy ruin her fitness level for years after. I wanna stay in shape because feeling sexy feels good, and knowing my partner finds me sexy feels great as well. A big part of the reason the passion dies in relationships is because people become complacent, lazy, and let themselves go. This ruins attraction and causes a strain on a relationship. Screw that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

YES YES YS screw that!!! I have to add after my last post, that as much as you love the person they are, passion and sexual desire are essential for most healthy relationships ( although there are a small minority that do not need much sexual desire, past the first phases, to stay in love)

 

 

I would stay with my partner through weight gain that could not be helped, and even if he did let himself go; as long as he was willing to change back to active and healthy, after the illness or lazy period.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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And just to add to my last post. I wouldnt bail on a woman for going through slight changes. Im not a douche bag, and love would persevere that and Id still be attracted to her since its slight.

 

Prolonged and drastic body changes would affect my attraction for sure. Yes Id still love the woman I was with, but if she didnt plan to do anything so my attraction would stop fading, it would really stress our relationship.

 

Id expect most women feel the same way about their men. I wouldnt get a beer gut and start dressing all bummy once weve dated a while...and if I did gain weight or get out of shape for some reason, Id make sure it wasnt prolonged because I want to be sexy for my woman.

 

I want her to be able to parade me around in front of her friends and them want to fvk me but not be able to. Haha...Im being over the top, but I do wanna look good for my gal. Plus the health benefits are great, and I dont wanna kick the bucket before 65.

mtber75 Established Member

mtber75

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He's just being encouraging in a immature way. Don't take it so seriously and joke about his flabby physique.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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The truth is, if any guy gets into a relationship with a woman who is in really good shape (or whatever shape he prefers), of course he would prefer that the woman stay that way for as long as possible. OP just happens to date a guy who is stupid enough to verbalize what most people actually think but have been socialized to keep under wraps. Seriously, ladies. You meet a hunky dude with a good body and you aren't going to hope that he maintains that physique for as long as you're with him? Get off your high horses.

 

Well yes. I had one LTR where the guy's weight fluctuated seriously and it affected my attraction to him. I only date men who are in good shape and I'd like them to stay that way.

yongyong Established Member

yongyong

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I see the problem of American women here. I am serious.

Compare it to other countries. I don't see that many fat moms just because she had children.

 

Do you expect him to accept and love your laziness? but he still has to bring a good amount of money, fxck you right, have enough time with family and be affectionate?

If a guy misses just one of the above, I won't blame a woman for filing a divorce

 

BTW, please don't talk about 'special gene in American women'. this is not science forum.

NYC-BigKat Established Member

NYC-BigKat

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Well yes. I had one LTR where the guy's weight fluctuated seriously and it affected my attraction to him. I only date men who are in good shape and I'd like them to stay that way.

 

I'm not very fit nope but not very fat either & should lose a little weight to attract the hotter girls but sometimes I see fatboys w/ cute slim girls & I dont know why that happens :o.

DjinnAgain Established Member

DjinnAgain

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I would stay with my partner through weight gain that could not be helped, and even if he did let himself go; as long as he was willing to change back to active and healthy, after the illness or lazy period.

 

My ex gained a lot of weight after we got together, without any medical reason. He merely stopped exercising at all. I am a very, very active person. I let it go because I loved him. However, now I know it should have been a red flag about lack of concern for making me happy.

 

Weight doesn't matter to me much when it comes to attraction past the initial stages. It becomes primarily mental. However, that somebody is generally healthy (would rather overweight and exercise every day than slim and mostly sedentary) and that they care to look good for me, and that I look good for them, does....

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Sadly, this is a huge red flag.

 

My ex was the same and his first ever comment to me was: please don't gain any weight.

 

His comments got progressively worse, like how he would be hornier if I lost some weight (I wasn't even overweight).....to many, many others over the course of the relationship. Every single one of those comments chipped away at my feelings for him. I did lose quite a bit of weight due to stress during the course of the relationship and he just kept telling me to lose more (without caring if I was healthy or not). Yet, he seemed super in love with me otherwise.

 

He also wouldn't touch me when I was slightly bloated before my period (we are talking about 2lbs difference)...I truly do not know how this guy would handle pregnancy.

 

I would keep a close watch on negative or weird comments involving your looks.

 

P.S. my ex was also kind of flabby and out of shape himself. He wasn't overweight but he was what I would call skinny-fat with not a muscle in sight. I never made a single comment about his looks.

Edited by Eternal Sunshine
JesseJames Established Member

JesseJames

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Wow listen to all this. LOL

 

It is not unreasonable to maintain a weight, especially when you're only still in your thirties.

 

The dude likes your body. So what. He's saying... don't start with the dunkin' donuts groups please. Should he have said..... exactly what?

 

 

And wtf is skinny-fat, or fat to fit, or all of this other insanity. If you got fat on you, you got fat. That means you're not skinny. Skinny means you don't have that excess fat. If people have to keep going to LS jail for being so insensitive to the obese, then they should have to go for being so insensitive to the thin.

 

And wtf was this thread about again? Oh yeah. FFS you're a nurse--take a pill or somethin'.

  • Like 2
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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They have no muscle to speak of, that's the problem and they are being tough on us!

 

Skinny-fat means a person that looks thin in clothes but once they take the clothes off they are soft and flabby and have no muscle tone. It's clear they haven't seen a gym in years. It's as unattractive (to me) as being heavy.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Ask him what he meant by the comment and why he made it. I agree it was very insensitive of him so tell him that, BUT maybe he didn't mean it to sound that way.

 

I agree. What he said sounds bad, but maybe he didn't mean it quite that way. I'd bring it up later, with clothes on, and ask his views on weight, age changes, etc.

 

I'm amused by his shock at a 30-something woman having a flat tummy. What do these 20-somethings think happens to us when we turn 30? :laugh:

Andy_K Established Member

Andy_K

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What do these 20-somethings think happens to us when we turn 30? :laugh:

 

The slow accumulation of fat during your twenties hits the tipping point and becomes clearly visible?

 

In all honesty, most girls who don't put in a decent amount of effort to stay in shape - which is the majority - will not have a flat stomach at 30.

 

Those who do are therefore that much more impressive.

 

Edit: Also, many will have had 1 or more kids by 30, and the number who bother to get back in shape after that is fewer still (and equally, even more impressive)

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

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I wouldn't paint his words as the worst thing in the world, but they do point towards some social ineptness and a weird mentality. Really, he looks at the woman he loves while they're having some woohoo, and THOSE are the words out of his mouth? I really doubt those are the thoughts in most well-adjusted men's minds while making out, never mind out their mouths.

 

I second xxoo's suggestion - bring it up casually and see what he says.

Disenchantedly Yours Established Member

Disenchantedly Yours

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Please, if any lady said to her man, "I pray to GOD you make more and more money..." Every guy here would tell him to hit the door.

 

OP, you've discovered where your man's head is at. Whether it was a "flub" or not, doesn't matter. He truly thinks this way. Whether he shouldn't or should have said it doesn't matter, he truly thinks this way. He places unrealistic standards concerning your body.

 

You have to ask yourself what kind of man you want in your life. One that fears for the day when your body will chanage or the man that loves you and LOVES the things that change about you as you grow older with him.

 

Perhaps if men spent less time with their head in their internet porn folder and more learning about real women, men wouldn't say these stupid things or even think them.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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