New boyfriend hopes my body doesn't change?

[Febreze]

I'm at the crossroads on how I'm feeling right now but here's what has happened so far between us:

 

We've been dating since the end of February. We met at a convention in the hospital. He's a radiology tech. I'm a nurse

 

He's younger than me by 3 years at 32. So what, right? LMAO

 

Anyway after getting physical with him so much lately he just told me last night how trimmed my stomach is for my age (WELL HELLO! NO KIDS) and that he prays to God my body doesn't change in 5 years or so

 

This kinda changed the mood just a tad after that. I wasn't mad with him over what he said but I feel like I have to really hit the gym harder and I only go 3x a week anyway which is the best to do because I'm off 4 days.

 

I'm eating right so that helps too but he's not in the best shape. He has a pretty decent body but he isn't cut up or anything. He's just slim to fit. I dont think that's a big deal, right?

 

Is this guy asking for too much of me/expecting too much/planning ahead too fast or am I over-reacting?

 

I really like him. I turned down a lot of other guys because he has shown me the most sincere interest. Other guys just wanna get laid

[Star Gazer]

Any guy who expects and prays to G-d that your body remain perfect over the years, especially if you plan on having children, needs to be kicked to the curb. So long as you remain active and healthy and don't let yourself go, that's all that matters. JMHO.

[RiverRunning]

Star Gazer hit the nail on the head. What a thing to say to a girlfriend of less than 2 months! "Oh baby, sure hope you don't get fat"? Seriously? I can't believe a grown man who wants a serious relationship would say something like that. It's indicative of what you will go through, OP, if God forbid you gain 5 or 10 pounds. If you start slacking at the gym a little bit.

 

The fact is our bodies won't look the same all through our lives. We sometimes go through situations where we gain a little bit of weight or lose a little bit of weight. Muscle tone might change - not only because of age but because of other factors too. Having this degree of pressure already in your relationship to 'look good' for fear of what might happen in 5 years is almost certainly a death spell.

 

I met one of my exes when I was about 80 pounds overweight. During my last year of college, facing craploads of college debt and no job prospect in sight, I grew really depressed. I laid around and ate 24/7. Needless to say, I had put on about 30 pounds by the end of the school year. By the time I left him, I had gone from 110 pounds overweight to about 50 pounds overweight (even lighter than when we had met).

 

He never once said anything so insensitive to me as, "Sure hope you look like this in 5 years," or, "Slow down, tubby," nor anything negative about my weight. He knew that it was MY body and in my OWN time and in my OWN way, I would take care of it. I certainly did.

 

At this point in your 'relationship,' it's primarily just physical anyway. I'm not entirely surprised that that's his primary focus. I'd leave, honestly.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well it can't feel very good about your boyfriend commenting about your weight and saying how he hopes your body doesn't change...I mean I'm sure we'd all like to be in impeccable shape. However for me that just kinda strikes me the wrong way, as If he's not interested in you as a person...although I know guys can innocently make comments like that out of ignorance which means they were actually trying to give you a compliment...thinking more like "Wow, your body is so nice now I hope it stays the same"...I've seen guys make that error before, however not at his age

, but I'm sure it happens.

 

I think honestly, you don't even know if you'll be with this guy in 5 years and If he does he better want you for a lot more than your body. Right now it kinda seems like he's knee deep in your vagina, you might want to ween him off of it for a bit and try to institute a more balanced relationship...how are the other aspects of the relationship? You don't need to completely cut it off but just makes sure this guy isn't just being with you based on physical needs. This will leave him in in a state of "who the hell is this?" once he realizes he's actually dating a person with a personality and qualities.

 

I'm not going to go too far out on this one, this is very little information however it did sound like things have only been physical for the most part since you've been together and IF you're worried about the future or the real long term potential, you may want to switch gears a little bit If you're worried about wasting your time or anything like that. Don't make it too serious, you know the state of the relationship better than anyone here but don't let him turn this into a purely physical relationship or you may reap the dump stick once he's got his fill.

[tigressA]

Any guy who expects and prays to G-d that your body remain perfect over the years, especially if you plan on having children, needs to be kicked to the curb. So long as you remain active and healthy and don't let yourself go, that's all that matters. JMHO.

 

Precisely. You're not going to be at your age forever. Bodies change, period, regardless of the amount of work put into maintaining them. This guy sounds incredibly immature.

[carhill]

Is sincere interest healthy interest?

[TaraMaiden]

....how trimmed my stomach is for my age (WELL HELLO! NO KIDS) and that he prays to God my body doesn't change in 5 years or so

 

 

Oh I'm so glad this wasn't me.... my response would have been -

 

"Well, I pray to god yours does, because we're looking a little flabby here and there my little marshmallow dumpling! So what say you you hit the gym a couple of times a week, huh?"

[irin]

leave him he sounds like he has issues with laws of nature! he needs to accept that we all grow old, and our bodies, change.

[Febreze]

[quote name=Ninjainpajamas;3939740 "Wow' date=' your body is so nice now I hope it stays the same"...I've seen guys make that error before, however not at his age , but I'm sure it happens.[/quote]

 

This was similar to what he said last night yup! He did it in a joking manner but it still felt a little weird though but I let it hang after that.

 

Yea, he's been really physical with me: constantly touching me, kissing me and just wanting to go further and further. I haven't slept with him yet as I dont like to rush into that kind of intimacy until I feel closer to a guy.

 

Tonight we're going out in an hour to eat then to the movies to see the last show of Titanic 3D because that movie is the best! Hopefully he'll just focus on the film and not so much on me for now. I'll then try to do other things to slow down the physical stuff after that to see.

[NYC-BigKat]

I'm at the crossroads on how I'm feeling right now but here's what has happened so far between us:

 

We've been dating since the end of February. We met at a convention in the hospital. He's a radiology tech. I'm a nurse

 

He's younger than me by 3 years at 32. So what, right? LMAO

 

Anyway after getting physical with him so much lately he just told me last night how trimmed my stomach is for my age (WELL HELLO! NO KIDS) and that he prays to God my body doesn't change in 5 years or so

 

This kinda changed the mood just a tad after that. I wasn't mad with him over what he said but I feel like I have to really hit the gym harder and I only go 3x a week anyway which is the best to do because I'm off 4 days.

 

I'm eating right so that helps too but he's not in the best shape. He has a pretty decent body but he isn't cut up or anything. He's just slim to fit. I dont think that's a big deal, right?

 

Is this guy asking for too much of me/expecting too much/planning ahead too fast or am I over-reacting?

 

I really like him. I turned down a lot of other guys because he has shown me the most sincere interest. Other guys just wanna get laid

 

Lots of guys want their gfs to stay the same for as long as possible. Its not a bad thing at all no its not so dont be annoyed w/ him. I think u need to keep him happy & yourself happy by doing things together & not start changing anything about yourself that might ruin things for u.

[RachR]

You should marry him and then just get really, really fat just to spite him.

 

 

(Kidding, of course.)

[Art_Critic]

Tell him sure..... But he better not get thinning hair or you will dump him

 

I think what you just got was a small glimpse into how he feels about women.. Good luck

[BewitchedandBothered]

I'm at the crossroads on how I'm feeling right now but here's what has happened so far between us:

 

We've been dating since the end of February. We met at a convention in the hospital. He's a radiology tech. I'm a nurse

 

He's younger than me by 3 years at 32. So what, right? LMAO

 

Anyway after getting physical with him so much lately he just told me last night how trimmed my stomach is for my age (WELL HELLO! NO KIDS) and that he prays to God my body doesn't change in 5 years or so

 

This kinda changed the mood just a tad after that. I wasn't mad with him over what he said but I feel like I have to really hit the gym harder and I only go 3x a week anyway which is the best to do because I'm off 4 days.

 

I'm eating right so that helps too but he's not in the best shape. He has a pretty decent body but he isn't cut up or anything. He's just slim to fit. I dont think that's a big deal, right?

 

Is this guy asking for too much of me/expecting too much/planning ahead too fast or am I over-reacting?

 

I really like him. I turned down a lot of other guys because he has shown me the most sincere interest. Other guys just wanna get laid

 

Vote that shallow guy off your island. Your body will change with or without kids and now you are feeling under pressure to maintain yourself. If you stay with him and make that extra effort, mark my words, he will find something else he hopes to God won't change. What a cock knock.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Tell him sure..... But he better not get thinning hair or you will dump him

 

I think what you just got was a small glimpse into how he feels about women.. Good luck

 

Cracking up!!!! You are so right on!!!

[BewitchedandBothered]

Oh I'm so glad this wasn't me.... my response would have been -

 

"Well, I pray to god yours does, because we're looking a little flabby here and there my little marshmallow dumpling! So what say you you hit the gym a couple of times a week, huh?"

 

I would tell him he is perfect just the way he is, manboobs and all, LOL!!!!!!

[waiting4u]

You should marry him and then just get really, really fat just to spite him.

 

 

(Kidding, of course.)

 

This. Yeah, that's a lot of nerve and kind of a buzz kill in the bedroom, particularly because having a boyfriend inevitably makes you gain 5-10 lbs. I have no idea why this happens. But it does apparently (looks down at slightly protruding tummy).

[dasein]

Glaring red flag OP on several levels. First, it shows poor socialization, second, a materialistic attitude, and finally unrealistic expectations. This guy is a likely a bad bet if this attitude translates to other areas.

[The dot]

Ummm... MOST guys feel that way (although few will ever admit to it). Hoping you don't change and accepting it when it happens are two different things, however. As far as I can tell, he's just more honest than most guys. The real test of whether he accepts it or not will come down the track. Any relationship you get into is going to be a risk as to whether the guy will accept changes in your body, and you won't know how big that risk is until the time comes.

[FitChick]

Ummm... MOST guys feel that way (although few will ever admit to it).

 

I agree with this and a couple of guys have told me that they worried their girlfriends would gain weight after marriage because that is what they'd seen happen in their friends' marriages.

 

My interpretation of the OPs post was that this guy can't believe his good fortune in finding a women with a great body. Sounds like he's only dated overweight women. Either that or he once had a slim girlfriend who gained weight and turned him off.

 

Since he needs to improve his fitness, OP should suggest the two of them embark on an intensive fitness regimen so they will both be happy (and healthy).

[betterdeal]

As the old saying goes...

 

Every man wants his woman to stay the same, but she won't and every woman wants to change her man, but she can't.

[DjinnAgain]

 

Anyway after getting physical with him so much lately he just told me last night how trimmed my stomach is for my age (WELL HELLO! NO KIDS) and that he prays to God my body doesn't change in 5 years or so

 

"Strange, I was thinking just the opposite about you."

 

Seriously, I think it was more awkwardly phrased than true worrisome intentions unless he has other red flags.

 

I would have a conversation with him to see if he has a truly puerile view or if he just was trying to make a joke or appreciate the work you have done - and had it come across in a different tone entirely.

If he has realistic expectations, then let one distasteful comment go.

[Radu]

Any guy who expects and prays to G-d that your body remain perfect over the years, especially if you plan on having children, needs to be kicked to the curb. So long as you remain active and healthy and don't let yourself go, that's all that matters. JMHO.

 

I can't believe i'm agreeing with SG; though i wouldn't kick him to the curb yet ... maybe he is just plain retarded socially and couldn't articulate it any better. Be carefull though.

 

Ummm... MOST guys feel that way (although few will ever admit to it). Hoping you don't change and accepting it when it happens are two different things, however. As far as I can tell, he's just more honest than most guys. The real test of whether he accepts it or not will come down the track. Any relationship you get into is going to be a risk as to whether the guy will accept changes in your body, and you won't know how big that risk is until the time comes.

 

He's right. You can articulate it better though.

When we have the serious relationship talk i usually say that i dislike fat in both me and her and if she ends up overwhelmed and can't exercise or can't stay in shape she shouldn't sacrifice the time she invests in the way she looks, as i'll help her out free some time. I make it clear i understand we age, but i just am turned off by serious weight issues (not including fat/that extra 20-25 pounds after baby).

Some women here may find it 'bad' and some men may prefer not to tiptoe around the subject, but long term this needs to be said and dealt with ... because kids need parents who genuinely care about another and show affection to one another. How you look plays into your sex life, which is one of the main pillars of a successfull relationship.

Edited April 15, 2012 by Radu

[TheBigQuestion]

Holy overreaction Batman!

 

Sure, what he told OP was a bit clumsily worded, but if this was a single offhand comment, one can't really deduce anything meaningful from it. The fact that this is a relatively new relationship and he's making comments suggesting being with you years down the line is way more of a red flag than the part of the comment pertaining to body shape, IMO.

 

The truth is, if any guy gets into a relationship with a woman who is in really good shape (or whatever shape he prefers), of course he would prefer that the woman stay that way for as long as possible. OP just happens to date a guy who is stupid enough to verbalize what most people actually think but have been socialized to keep under wraps. Seriously, ladies. You meet a hunky dude with a good body and you aren't going to hope that he maintains that physique for as long as you're with him? Get off your high horses.

[ascendotum]

Ummm... MOST guys feel that way (although few will ever admit to it). Hoping you don't change and accepting it when it happens are two different things, however. As far as I can tell, he's just more honest than most guys. The real test of whether he accepts it or not will come down the track. Any relationship you get into is going to be a risk as to whether the guy will accept changes in your body, and you won't know how big that risk is until the time comes.

 

I agree with this too. What this guy did was pretty tacky so early in the relationship. The 'pray to god' bit shows you he really appreciates your figure and it is big aspect of his attraction to you, and there's a good chance it will have repecussions to his desire for you if your were to chub up in only a few years, however....

I got the impression this guy is pretty rapped with your figure, so there's a good chance his most recent ex/s have been overweight. Go out and interview 100 random men, and ask them if their last gf had been overweight, but they preferred a slim build and that their next gf was going to be the one they ideally want to be with for the rest of their life, would they be happy if the women had a nice figure for only just a couple of those yrs. You'll have your answer as to if he's some unrealistic arsehole who can be easily booted and replaced with single men in their 30s who wont careless what you look like in a few years. You mentioned that the other guys that you encounter just only want to spend the night or maybe fwb with you, let alone a long term future like this man.

 

One thing I found a bit strange is that him being 'slim to fit' just like you is seen as a lesser achievement, that somehow means he has less right to expect you to also stay slim....why is this because he's not a 'muscled up' white collar worker?

[ascendotum]

Have you all noticed that most men DON'T own mirrors?

A LOT of them age HORRIBLY - from their bald or balding heads (they just shave it down now and look like shiny Q-tips, thinking think we don't KNOW that they're bald..lol!!) to their pot guts and their haggard, lined faces. Yet, these human trainwrecks think they all deserve to have Barbies on their arms, looking the way they do.

 

HAHAHAHAA!!! More than likely, your boyfriend will not age well over the years (from what I've seen in my 50+ years) but he'll be oblivious to it and STILL demand that you have the body of a 25 year old.

Tell him I said lots of luck with that.

 

You are taking this to extremes. This is not a 50 yr old fat guy telling his gf to trim down her waist even more & criticising her for not spending enough on anti-aging therapies. This guy is slim/fit and wants her to be the same.

 

Most men over 30 don't expect a 'barbie'. While tons of older men would love a woman with a 25yr old figure, they are not deluded. What guys don't want is their sexy gf to turn to slobby body gf that dresses to hide her figure within just a couple of years. If they have a beer gut, then the wife/gf can tell them, they'll lose their belly when he loses his. If jogging around the block + cutting back on snacks restored hair, then the wife would not be out of line, to ask him to get on with it, at the same time she does to reduce her butt.