M2155 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I think I know what I got here but I am hardheaded so your insight/advice is welcome. I met an eligible single guy at a happy hour that I find myself quite interested in a couple weeks ago. We exchanged numbers for work purposes but ended up exchanging a couple friendly texts (I.e. did you make it home, nice meeting you, did you see the local game etc), nothing of substance. I told him i was open to an invite jokingly if he was going out in town. Anyway, at happy hour we really seemed to click (which doesn't happen that often for me) and he's always responsive and friendly, but not taking any hints-and I think I put quite a few out there. I know one explanation is that he's just not into me and I should just let it go. I must admit it's hard to accept:eek: Some of my friends say to ask him out. I know women are liberated now but as flattered as men claim to be when this happens, do you not believe they secretly wonder if something is wrong that a beautiful and successful woman (yeah that's me lol) is doing the chase? I would want it to somehow feel like his idea. There is zero chance I will run into him so I can't lay on the flirt. Somehow I have to erase him from mind... If he was into me he would be blowing up my phone right? Somebody just talk me off the ledge:rolleyes: Thanks
firehawk_1 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 its very off putting if you think too much of yourself and to play games also. either do it, be a human and chase him up or LEAVE IT. remember, guys have had enough suffering of being put down, rejected and always having to chase. make an effort and STOP playing games. if he was "blowing up the phone" then you could take that as him being a stalker and everything negitive.... thats how some women are you know. the simplest of things causes so much drama. he has left it in your court. you do what you want, he won't do anything for many reasons and for the RIGHT reasons.
Author M2155 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Sorry firehawk I mean blowing up my phone as in making the initiative. When I am excited I have to hide the phone from myself:) I don't mean in a crazy stalkerish way. I initiated a few of the exchanges. I'm going with the conventional wisdom as in, if a guy likes you and the ice has been broken, he will go after what he wants. Either he is not interested, or his actions are not what I have experienced of someone who is interested. I have no idea what else I can say over text. I opened the door:confused: I don't want to come on too strong.
firehawk_1 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 well unfortunately in today's world/society, men are always condemned for making effort. so really, if I were you, I would personally call him, be open with him and make it happen otherwise nothing will happen. he doesnt want to do anything in fear of what will happen (the usual) or maybe feels he will make an idiot of himself if he calls you or whatever. plus, its great for a man to feel wanted/interested in by a woman. so please, DO IT
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) As far as my stance, I think a woman breaking the ice and initiating that contact is good enough and should be good enough for any man to pursue you. If he does not, then there is a reason he is not and that reason can't be a good one regardless of it. I've seen advice like firehawks given over and over on this forum, mainly based on the pretense that there are single lonely men on this forum that would love If a woman initiated contact with them and pursued, but I completely disagree with that, I think they're taking this "society" thing way too far in regards to how men have to make the effort. It's key that the man puts in effort, or you're just making yourself too easy to read and too available. A man needs to feel like there is a "chase", it's part of the way we are wired to value a woman...for example, no guy is going to value the woman that sleeps around more than the one who doesn't...why? because the one who does not sleep around is seeing as a "challenge" something of greater value, rather than the girl that goes home with a different guy every week. So I would say do not call him...or you're just subjecting yourself to being available to this guy...you might as well insert a page into his black book so that he has the pick of the day for whoever he wants to call. I'm not sure why people think dating is always one sided...It's a MUTUAL interest...It's not necessarily one man chasing after a woman while she plays hard to get a vice versa, If someone is interested they will reciprocate...you want to force it go right ahead...you want to believe people need to be egg'd on a little bit or coaxed into chemistry or some other reason that is as invalid than the rest then go ahead, knock yourself out. In my opinion you're just wasting your time If you have to extend the effort, and at least for myself that's now what I'm looking for and would move right along. People always want to know the reasons of why, why, why...It doesn't matter why, you keep moving on until someone is willing to meet you half way and at this point of the game, the man needs to do the initiating, can't understand why men these days think that they don't need to have any balls. Edited April 14, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 2
firehawk_1 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) i have to disagree with you there then dont come complaining if nothing happens..... saying how it is. why should men always make the effort? the effort always gets put down when they get rejected so why should they keep wasting the time? certainly not taking the society "too far". its a FACT and REALITY. dont go complaining if you dont make an effort either.... just saying the TRUTH and REAL aspects here. if you are interested (IRRESPECTIVE if your gender) then you SHOULD see it through and not depend on the other person. men have "plenty balls" but keep getting kicked in from the actions and attitude of women. so why put yourself through that again and again? I guess pretty boys wont get it why add complications? just DO IT, dont argue about it. dont think "what if what if, why why....should he? shouldnt he?" - stop adding drama. if you like a guy, do whatever you can to show it and let him know you are interested PROPERLY and not dropping small tiny hints. if you dont like him, then keep it as it. its that simple. its got nothing to do with guys and balls. Edited April 14, 2012 by firehawk_1
Author M2155 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I'm thinking more like ninjainpajammas. I would not mind asking him out but I know it would be better for him if he made the effort. I feel like I've said things that most guys would read as interest (I know there are some guys have to be hit over the head with a 2x4). So if he didnt take the bait and ask me out on any of those openings, I'm thinking he may be a lost cause:(
firehawk_1 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 fair enough. your loss. im just saying how a guy would like it especially if they are genuine. not with "all brawn pretty guys".... dont believe everything you read either or what people say. look at what the REAL option is and not some fairy made up looking convincing stories . its the MOST LIKELY and PRACTICAL ones
dsw31 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'm thinking more like ninjainpajammas. I would not mind asking him out but I know it would be better for him if he made the effort. I feel like I've said things that most guys would read as interest (I know there are some guys have to be hit over the head with a 2x4). So if he didnt take the bait and ask me out on any of those openings, I'm thinking he may be a lost cause:( I just have to say, I am going the a very similiar situation.A guy I like, who works in the same field as I do, gave me his phone number(for work purposes) We have small friendly chit chat anytime we bump into each other.I texted him one day and said "I just have to tell you that you looked really handsome today.Wait a minute....everyday!" He texted me back saying "thank you" I was a little dissapointed that he didn't reciprocate any attraction so I decided to never text him again.Saw him the next day & he said, "that was the nicest text he had ever recieved from anyone." Then we had some other small talk & went about our way. He texted a few days later to wish me a Happy Easter so, I tried again-asked if he'd be interested in a game of tennis or a bite to eat.He said it sounds great but, due to it being Easter he was just too busy. Then he texts me a few days later to tell me he lost his keys & if I could keep an eye out,he'd appreciate it. I've given up for now.I think I made it pretty clear that I'm interested & he hasn't taken any initiative to actually go out so,I'm just thinking it was a rejection.He stops his car everytime he sees me walking down the street just to say hi & see how my day is going but I'm assuming he's just being a friend.We'll see but,I'm done dropping hints. I will not be asking a guy out anymore.I like to know for sure he is interested in me.Good luck to you though.As you said - you are a beautiful succesful woman so,I'm sure you'll find a great guy when the time is right. 3
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I think I know what I got here but I am hardheaded so your insight/advice is welcome. I met an eligible single guy at a happy hour that I find myself quite interested in a couple weeks ago. We exchanged numbers for work purposes but ended up exchanging a couple friendly texts (I.e. did you make it home, nice meeting you, did you see the local game etc), nothing of substance. I told him i was open to an invite jokingly if he was going out in town. Anyway, at happy hour we really seemed to click (which doesn't happen that often for me) and he's always responsive and friendly, but not taking any hints-and I think I put quite a few out there. I know one explanation is that he's just not into me and I should just let it go. I must admit it's hard to accept:eek: Some of my friends say to ask him out. I know women are liberated now but as flattered as men claim to be when this happens, do you not believe they secretly wonder if something is wrong that a beautiful and successful woman (yeah that's me lol) is doing the chase? I would want it to somehow feel like his idea. There is zero chance I will run into him so I can't lay on the flirt. Somehow I have to erase him from mind... If he was into me he would be blowing up my phone right? Somebody just talk me off the ledge:rolleyes: Thanks there isn't zero chance you will run into him. all you have to do is snoop a bit. look at his facebook page, talk to mutual friends, find out where he goes, what bars/restaurants he likes, and frequent those until you 'run into' him again. that said, i get it, and as a man i like doing the approaching. it's pretty damn fun to approach women in public or at a bar or whatever and pull a phone number or two, i don't get why some men are so scared of it.
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 we keep telling you why but you wont listen. and this is another problem - women dont listen....and you will only listen to what you want to listen to.
mixwell Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I agree with Fire and I also disagree and here's why. The OP said she's given clear indicators she's interested but with no reply and as a guy if I were interested I would make it a point to let a chick know so if he's not reciprocating the same type of text maybe he's just not interested. On the flip side, if you're unsure maybe just say fk it and ask him out for drinks or something that's no too romantic but just a friendly atmosphere because maybe is very ignorant on picking up signals from women. I would personally just ask him out for drinks or a hang out and hopefully you will get a clear answer for what you're wondering. I mean the worst that can happen is he declines and you have more of a solid answer..
Author M2155 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Mixwell I see your points and I have to choose to take a risk. Asking him out would not be the end of the world had I done so immediately, but I told him to contact me if he would like to go out. I WANT to go out with him, but given the what I felt were obvious signals, didnt I already "ask"? I was thinking that contacting him again on top of that (with the hope he's a 2x4 kinda guy) is that just me needing a 2x4 to see that he's not interested:confused: This feels like a silly question but I haven't been in this position in a long time! Dsw31 that does sound similar!
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 the thing is here, you have to be direct. remember, guys over the years have been made out of a fool of and he may have had that experience therefore his guard is up. you said that you told him to get in touch with you if he wants to go out sometime. he could have just said "yeh sure, she was just being nice" and thats all. what you should have said was "I really like you and would love to spend time with you. call me and lets arrange a date and take it from there" clear, concise, to the point and you got him interested for sure. no messing around. no game playing. no mixed signals. its clear and direct
lospantalonsfancie Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 You should take the initiative. He might not be calling you because he is not convinced you are into him, or he fears rejection, or whatever. This notion that all men will relentlessly chase after each woman they are interested in is ridiculous and false. Some men will, but others expect a more equitable back and forth. Stop being a diva, and just call him.
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 You should take the initiative. He might not be calling you because he is not convinced you are into him, or he fears rejection, or whatever. This notion that all men will relentlessly chase after each woman they are interested in is ridiculous and false. Some men will, but others expect a more equitable back and forth. Stop being a diva, and just call him. +1. EXACTLY. thank you
FitChick Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I agree with ninjainpajamas on this. A confident, secure man who is attracted to a woman will use any pretext to contact her. Does the OP want a man who is insecure, shy, hesitant, obtuse? It sounds like this man is the former, not the latter.
dsw31 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I agree with ninjainpajamas on this. A confident, secure man who is attracted to a woman will use any pretext to contact her. Does the OP want a man who is insecure, shy, hesitant, obtuse? It sounds like this man is the former, not the latter. I also agree with Ninjainpajamas but.... What about a really nice shy guy?
lospantalonsfancie Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I agree with ninjainpajamas on this. A confident, secure man who is attracted to a woman will use any pretext to contact her. Does the OP want a man who is insecure, shy, hesitant, obtuse? It sounds like this man is the former, not the latter. That could equally be applied to women. Would you say a woman who doesn't pursue is insecure, shy, hesitant, obtuse? No? Then you are applying different standards to men than you are applying to women, which is sexist. Has it occurred to you that some men may just not be on board with the gender roles that you hold so dear? Perhaps they believe, as I do, that courting should be a two-way street with both the man and woman taking some initiative. Does holding this belief make one insecure, shy, hesitant and obtuse? Or maybe some of us men have different values than you do, and don't fit into your neat little boxes? 1
Author M2155 Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 So if anyone was interested, I think my first instincts were right, that he wasn't interested. I ended up asking if we could meet up and get to know each other and he told me he liked me but he just started dating somene that I know. I think had this not been the case, he would have asked. I don't know who he is seeing that I know, but maybe it's better that I don't so I don't wonder about them (I'm bound to find out if they last). Sooo there goes that.
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