triphopper414 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Last weekend, my boyfriend dropped on me that he needed space. I was quite frankly upset about the whole conversation as it came out of nowhere. I was completely blindsided. We dated heavily for the first month and became exclusive thus entering into a relationship. We both agreed that we wanted to be with each other before and after this conversation. Since this conversation we have not talked for except a few text messages (1 to each other per day). This is not normal. We usually saw each other 2-4 times a week (he requested most of these times). When we did not see each other we talked on gchat, on the phone, or via text. I am scared, but have prepared myself for a possible break-up. We are seeing each other tomorrow, and I feel compelled to diffuse the tension. I really want to tell him that I am not mad at him and that I look forward to seeing him tomorrow. We are meeting in a public place, not his apartment or mine. This worries me, but at the same time I am glad it is a public place--less pressure. Should I tell him that I am not mad? How are other ways that I diffuse this tension? I really don't know what he is thinking, and I am pretty sure he feels the same way about me. I am very confused and I no idea why this is happening. Very amateur question, but I feel like I am in limbo regarding this relationship.
Pierre Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Last weekend, my boyfriend dropped on me that he needed space. /QUOTE] That is a code word for wanting to end the relationship. However, he wants to leave the door open just in cease his endeavor does not pan out. If my GF said that I would end the relationship. That is a very insulting remark.
phineas Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Yep. I need space = it's over. (if their the other girl works out)
Author triphopper414 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Thanks for the advice. I thought so too, but I flat out asked him if he wanted to continue and he said yes. I gave him so many outs, but he never took them.
veggirl Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Thanks for the advice. I thought so too, but I flat out asked him if he wanted to continue and he said yes. I gave him so many outs, but he never took them. How long have you been together? From your op it sounds like a month or maybe a little more? I am with Pierre and Phineas....he wants to break up but is too wussy to do it...you should do it. This isn't your thing to fix, he fked up by asking for "space" and being all vague and stupid. It would be very doormat-y for YOU to be the one making concessions and diffusing things in this situation.
Author triphopper414 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Yes a little over a month. I thought he was very predictable, guess not. I had it planned that I would break up with him, but re thought the situation because I was so angry. I will see him tomorrow and see how things go. I really don't think our relationship will survive past this weekend. I am eager to diffuse the situation because I don't want it to be so awkward that I just start bursting into tears, which is always a possibility.
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Yes a little over a month. I thought he was very predictable, guess not. He actually is quite predictable, which I think you'll see once some time is passed. Blowing super hot, and then blowing cold and pulling the "I need space" line, only to fade away without a "proper" breakup, is all too common.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I don't know why women feel that when they give a guy "outs" he's going to take it, and If he doesn't that just means he's interested in a relationship with you. Do you realize that men don't generally dispose of an easy thing? Do you realize that men can keep you around until something better comes along? Look, you know what a real out is? Hey dumbass! I'm not going to sit around and let you put me on the back burner, we are either together or not and If you're not interested in being with me and only me, which seems obvious at this point, so screw off!" Ahhh, that's my version of a real "out" like GTFO more like it, because he doesn't take you serious...I mean look at you "I really want to tell him that I am not mad at him and that I look forward to seeing him tomorrow." timid little butterfly, prancing back and forth...I mean stop fooling yourself, YOU don't want him to leave YOU!. All these little "outs" you give are just so you can feel more confident that he wants to be with you, yet his actions are blatantly showing you that he does not...It's like getting punched in the face like; Her: ::punched in the face:: Her: Are you punching me in the face? Him: ::punches you in the face:: No, of course not Her: Are you sure because it sure feels like I'm getting punched in the face? Him: ::punches you in the face two more times:: No, why would I be doing that? I would never punch you in the face ::punches you in the face again:: Her: ::creates new topic on LoveShack:: "Do you guys think I'm being punched in the face?" Random LSer: Well It depends, does it sting after you get punched because sometimes it just feels like you are when you really aren't Random LSer#2: Well have you talked to him about punching you in the face? Maybe talking to him about being punched in the face will help you settle on another irrelevant detail of saving this sinking ship of a relationship Random LSer#3: Women always punch me in the face! I hate women! You can get a variation of these comments on LS, yet so far they remain pretty consistent and luckily most people are telling the truth this time. He doesn't want to be with you, this is like getting suspended from work before getting fired. You obviously have no idea how this guy feels in the relationship which is why you were blind-sided, that tells me this was some relationship. Next time, find out what the guy wants and how he feels, don't just accept simple explanations or excuses, If you're too afraid to push a man too far It's not going to keep you from being dumped..It just simply prolongs the inevitable. 1
Author triphopper414 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Thank you for the rather graphic post/dialog. I know about all of the things you have said, and I told him that I don't think it would work out if it came to me being put on the back burner. It kinda seems that way since we have not talked. I made it very clear early on that I am not an option. His actions express the very contrary of him not wanting to be with me. I would not have known he needed space if he did not tell me that is why I was blindsided. He made most of the plans and always wanted me to stay over and never wanted me to leave.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Thank you for the rather graphic post/dialog. I know about all of the things you have said, and I told him that I don't think it would work out if it came to me being put on the back burner. It kinda seems that way since we have not talked. I made it very clear early on that I am not an option. His actions express the very contrary of him not wanting to be with me. I would not have known he needed space if he did not tell me that is why I was blindsided. He made most of the plans and always wanted me to stay over and never wanted me to leave. Look, It's not "breaking news" that this wasn't going to work, his motive wasn't to do that. In fact it seems like his motive to being your bf was merely to appease you and get what he wants...i mean really? what's the sacrifice in getting into a relationship? big loss there for him..yeah right. Men aren't going to tell you to your face that they're done with you...they lack the balls, honesty and are too worried about their image or self-preservation to do that...they want to slowly walk backwards from you like a rattle-snake "It's ok buddy...I'm done w ya now, gonna leave you alone, you go back in your cave and all is well...I'm done handling ya". Women are typically blind-sided as well when they misinterpret the "actions" of a man, but really ask yourself this question "Is he getting something out of this too or is this really just for little ole me?" you'll start to see the reality of that the more you think in those terms rather than "oh look at this, this must really mean he likes me! ::swooooon::" And really, why do women think it's some grand gesture when a man asks a woman to stay over for sexy time? It's easy and convenient and then you can look down at your watch and be like "Welp!, look at the time...I've gotta get going...you know it was fun, but all this is moving too fast and I gotta lot of soul-searching and stuff to do...so If you wouldn't mind walking out the door (this relationship) that'd be nice of you...oh and don't forget to take everything with ya...It'd hate to see ya again...especially since you might be pissed and you know me! I hate drama!"
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