Do i leave her?

[lettersnumbers]

[sIZE=2]I need some advice please, it would help alot.

　

Theres a girl ive been with for the past 7 month who i care for very much.

　

Yesterday she told me that on the night of her birthday (3 weeks ago) she took a guy home from the club, they were in the taxi together and he tried it on with her but she started crying and he left. She says she then cried for the next two hours.. at this point i remember getting a text from her telling me she did something bad and then i heard nothing more till the next day when she acted like she knew nothing of what went on the previous night.

　

I left her yesterday, told her to screw herself, i reacted to been told this girl who i am in love with and who i thought loved me too. took a guy home with her but she says nothing happened. I think about it and the more pissed off i feel, she had to have encouraged him to make him interested and then she got in the taxi with him, she wasnt dragged and she knew what was going to happen as anyone does when picking people up from the club.

I dont blame him, i blame her.. because as someone once said to me she was the one who made all the promises to me.

　

What if theres a next time? What if this next time she doesnt stop? What if something did happened? I cant get it out of my head, she is calling and texting telling me she is sorry and she made a mistake but she doesnt want to loose me.

　

I dont know what to do because my heart wants to stay with her because im so loved up, my head tells me to get out now because even that is a step too far.

　

An even if i did forgive her, i cant just go back to been happy with her, she would think its okay to treat me like that, when its not.

　

What would you do? Thanks

[/sIZE]

[HollyBolly]

[sIZE=2]I need some advice please, it would help alot.

　

Theres a girl ive been with for the past 7 month who i care for very much.

　

Yesterday she told me that on the night of her birthday (3 weeks ago) she took a guy home from the club, they were in the taxi together and he tried it on with her but she started crying and he left. She says she then cried for the next two hours.. at this point i remember getting a text from her telling me she did something bad and then i heard nothing more till the next day when she acted like she knew nothing of what went on the previous night.

　

I left her yesterday, told her to screw herself, i reacted to been told this girl who i am in love with and who i thought loved me too. took a guy home with her but she says nothing happened. I think about it and the more pissed off i feel, she had to have encouraged him to make him interested and then she got in the taxi with him, she wasnt dragged and she knew what was going to happen as anyone does when picking people up from the club.

I dont blame him, i blame her.. because as someone once said to me she was the one who made all the promises to me.

　

What if theres a next time? What if this next time she doesnt stop? What if something did happened? I cant get it out of my head, she is calling and texting telling me she is sorry and she made a mistake but she doesnt want to loose me.

　

I dont know what to do because my heart wants to stay with her because im so loved up, my head tells me to get out now because even that is a step too far.

　

An even if i did forgive her, i cant just go back to been happy with her, she would think its okay to treat me like that, when its not.

　

What would you do? Thanks

[/sIZE]

 

This is a tough one. On the one hand, she cheated on you. On the other, she came clean. Once a cheater, always a cheater, I believe. However, if she is truly sorry, then maybe there's hope. I would ask myself whether I believed nothing happened. Also, what was the motive behind her telling you? Would you have found out anyway? Did she think it would be better coming from her? Do you know this guy? Would he have told you? Do you believe she's sincere? Can you trust her again?

 

These are all the things you have to weigh + more. Personally, I would leave but it's always easier when you're the spectator.

[cerridwen]

　

What if theres a next time? What if this next time she doesnt stop? What if something did happened? I cant get it out of my head, she is calling and texting telling me she is sorry and she made a mistake but she doesnt want to loose me.

　

I dont know what to do because my heart wants to stay with her because im so loved up, my head tells me to get out now because even that is a step too far.

　

An even if i did forgive her, i cant just go back to been happy with her, she would think its okay to treat me like that, when its not.

　

What would you do? Thanks

I would be asking all the same bolded questions that you are.

I'm incapable of getting over cheating and I leave when there are hints of it.

It's my dealbreaker.

Is it yours?

 

Why don't you take some space from her for a bit?

Admittedly, infactuation is coloring your judgment.

Let the strong feelings (of all sorts) settle and see where you are.

Edited April 14, 2012 by cerridwen

[BewitchedandBothered]

If I am not enough for a person, then that person isn't worth my time.

[mattr89]

As a guy who dealt with a somewhat similar situation, meaning my gf came clean about hooking up with a guy when she was drunk and then came crying to me telling me how sorry she was and realized she hated it etc etc etc. I stupidly fell for every word and took her back immediately. Naturally I thought she had made a mistake and learned from it because i loved her. Not more than a week later she was back out hanging around this guy and his friends. Not caring about me what so ever.

 

All i can tell you is, if you give her a chance dont expect her to "change" overnight. There was a reason why she got in the taxi with him. And you will be a lot more hurt if she does it again.

 

Im not saying dont give her a chance because i understand you love this person, but maybe atleast let her sit for a while a realize what she might have ruined with you.

 

best of luck

[HollyBolly]

As a guy who dealt with a somewhat similar situation, meaning my gf came clean about hooking up with a guy when she was drunk and then came crying to me telling me how sorry she was and realized she hated it etc etc etc. I stupidly fell for every word and took her back immediately. Naturally I thought she had made a mistake and learned from it because i loved her. Not more than a week later she was back out hanging around this guy and his friends. Not caring about me what so ever.

 

All i can tell you is, if you give her a chance dont expect her to "change" overnight. There was a reason why she got in the taxi with him. And you will be a lot more hurt if she does it again.

 

Im not saying dont give her a chance because i understand you love this person, but maybe atleast let her sit for a while a realize what she might have ruined with you.

 

best of luck

 

Once a cheat, always a cheat. I learned that the hard way.

[hellodearest]

I disagree.

 

I've cheated on a girlfriend and I learned my lesson. I felt terrible about it, realized it would never be worth it, and have never once strayed again. If anything, it affirmed my relationship and I realized that the grass isn't greener.

 

I never told my girlfriend about it - I felt like it was my burden to bear.

 

First I asked myself objectively if my girlfriend was better off with me or without me, and it was clearly with me because I was her rock.

 

I didn't tell her because she didn't deserve to be in a relationship where she didn't trust her significant other. Yes, I violated that trust, but I realized that and it was a lesson I had to learn.

 

The term once a cheater, always a cheater isn't accurate in all situations.

[The dot]

The term once a cheater, always a cheater isn't accurate in all situations.

 

No, but just because one guy jumped off a 10-storey building and lived, doesn't mean we should all do it.

 

If I'm ever tempted to get into a relationship again, I'll have a simple rule. If I find out you've been getting done by someone else, it's over that day. No second-chances, none of it. The fact is, people cheat (in most cases) because they feel their current relationship is lacking something. That "something" can be a variety of different things, but whatever it is, chances are, the other person will want to sample it again at some point in the future. So it's better for both people to let the cheater go and get their needs met, and for the "victim" to find someone more stable.

 

BTW, I will never have a serious relationship with anyone who still wants to go to clubs on a regular basis. It's an immediate deal breaker as far as I'm concerned, and the OP has explained why perfectly. I might date that person casually, but if they still want to go to meat markets, that's as far as they'll get with me.

[HollyBolly]

 

BTW, I will never have a serious relationship with anyone who still wants to go to clubs on a regular basis. It's an immediate deal breaker as far as I'm concerned, and the OP has explained why perfectly. I might date that person casually, but if they still want to go to meat markets, that's as far as they'll get with me.

 

You took the words right out of my mouth!

[lettersnumbers]

I talked to her last night as she wouldnt stop blowing up my phone.

 

Im not sure why she came out with what she came out with because it wasnt any part of our conversation.

The first problem we have is that she doesnt want a relationship but wants everything that comes with one, she then told me she may be moving away which i told her is selfish.. she has known about this for a while and was just never going to tell me? just going to up and leave one day.

 

Last night we talked and i listened, she said that she was really drunk (In my opinion thats an excuse, ive been drunk, not often, but ive been there and i can tell you i was well aware of what i was doing but i wasnt going off and getting with people).

She says he took her home in the taxi, they got to her door and he tried to kiss her, his hands were all over her, she pushed him off and went inside and cried ( that was when i got the text).

 

If nothing happened ill believe that, but she still got in the taxi with him and she knew what was going to happen.

 

The next day i asked her what was the text about, what happened last night, she said she doesnt remember.. she lied.. and she did it so easily.

 

The girl im with has some real issues, if i say the word relationship she runs, if i say the word girlfriend she runs.. if we dont go at her speed she runs.. one day in january during a fight we were having she had her ex sleep over but claims nothing happened.

 

I value her, not just as my lover but as my friend, although she never cheated the intentions to do so were still there.

 

At the moment she thinks shes won me around, but tonight when i see her im going to tell her i need time away because i think shes ruined it.

 

Thanks for the advice guys .

[CaliBabe]

This one is a sticky one... There WAS intent there... She was planning on taking a man home with her. I think when the guy finally made his move she realized what she was doing and how wrong it was. Therefore, there was intent but she did realize it. I think at this point you should give yourself some time to really analyze the situation...

 

Just the fact that there was initial intent would be very hard for me to look past as there is a possibility it can happen again.

[robaday]

I had a similar thing - she lied about something really important. I backed way off. At first she apologised then turned it on me.

 

Over three weeks it became my fault for holding onto anger. It was my fault I couldnt let it go bla bla bla.

 

Id back way off. Show her you can live without her, and go out with friends. Take your time. I regret letting it go, because it got worse and worse - she lost respect for me.