Badsingularity Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 More than anything, IMO, men are far, far less self-aware than women. I know that you meant to put "many" in front of men. Believe me there are plenty of women who never spend an ounce of time engaged in introspection. 1
threebyfate Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I know that you meant to put "many" in front of men. Believe me there are plenty of women who never spend an ounce of time engaged in introspection.Busted! Yes, "many". And yes "many women" too.
Badsingularity Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Busted! Yes, "many". And yes "many women" too. We've got to keep each other in line around here.:cool:
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I've never been with someone whose only prerequisite in a partner is that they be the same species. It makes me feel devalued. I understand you. What I don't understand is why you ever started dating him. What would bother me most is the derogatory way he has treated women in the past.
Els Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I understand you. What I don't understand is why you ever started dating him. What would bother me most is the derogatory way he has treated women in the past. But the fact that someone has been with partners who don't LOOK all that good does not necessarily mean that they will be with 'anyone who moves'. Is that something that he said or something that she is inferring? It seems to me like she feels that the only criteria anyone should ever have for their partner is how they look like, and if the guy doesn't require much in that department, it means that he has no other standards. So, so wrong. Of course, there might be other reasons she is inferring that, reasons that might actually make more sense.
ascendotum Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I understand you. What I don't understand is why you ever started dating him. What would bother me most is the derogatory way he has treated women in the past. What because he called one of his ex's 'kind of ugly' or because he called a girl he went on a date with as fat, instead of say hefty? Well at least he spent time romancing and going on dates with these women, instead of just instantly writing them off and saying, 'grossssssss I wouldn't hold the door open for that cow' I do find it a little weird though as well for her to be in relationship and to now start re-evaluating him on this. Its also a little weird (well not really having heard of scenarios like this before) that here's a guy who does not make 'hottness' his primary appraisal of a woman, and its now coming back to undermine his current relationship.
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 What because he called one of his ex's 'kind of ugly' or because he called a girl he went on a date with as fat, instead of say hefty? Well at least he spent time romancing and going on dates with these women, instead of just instantly writing them off and saying, 'grossssssss I wouldn't hold the door open for that cow' I do find it a little weird though as well for her to be in relationship and to now start re-evaluating him on this. Its also a little weird (well not really having heard of scenarios like this before) that here's a guy who does not make 'hottness' his primary appraisal of a woman, and its now coming back to undermine his current relationship. It seems women can be insecure for just about anything.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 This thread has disintegrated into a war between men and women. Welcome to LoveShack … it's something you'll get used to if you hang around.
Els Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 here's a guy who does not make 'hottness' his primary appraisal of a woman, and its now coming back to undermine his current relationship. Precisely. That's just mind-boggling. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Beware beware beware of the "desperate". Guys like this have burned me worse than any players. They really want to be players but lack confidence and/or looks to do so. Once they get a girl interested, they start to wonder how much better they can do. It gives them necessary ego boost and off they go. Seriously, proceed with caution. The only way to keep them in check is to boss them around and subtly put them down so that they never feel they have quite got you. Personally, too much work.
zengirl Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 But the fact that someone has been with partners who don't LOOK all that good does not necessarily mean that they will be with 'anyone who moves'. Is that something that he said or something that she is inferring? It seems to me like she feels that the only criteria anyone should ever have for their partner is how they look like, and if the guy doesn't require much in that department, it means that he has no other standards. So, so wrong. Of course, there might be other reasons she is inferring that, reasons that might actually make more sense. THIS. Fwiw, none of hubby's exes that I've seen (I haven't seen them all, but I've seen 2 - his HS sweetheart in old pics his Mom brought and a girl he's friends with still that I met when she was in town) are particularly pretty. The one I actually met is a really cool girl though. That impressed me, actually, much more than if she was hot.
Author Flummox Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Beware beware beware of the "desperate". Guys like this have burned me worse than any players. They really want to be players but lack confidence and/or looks to do so. Once they get a girl interested, they start to wonder how much better they can do. It gives them necessary ego boost and off they go. Seriously, proceed with caution. The only way to keep them in check is to boss them around and subtly put them down so that they never feel they have quite got you. Personally, too much work. Thanks. I'm glad someone is actually understanding my post.
Author Flummox Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) It's odd that some of you think if someone is fat they are nice. "They're probably nice girls." Let's keep in mind that he said the girl from OKCupid was fat and BORING. He primarily mentioned that she was fat in real life because she posted super misleading pictures online that made her look about 50 pounds lighter. Besides, she's not really an ex, just someone he went on a date with. The girl he actually dated was a creepy stalker who acted like a psychopath. She was already in love with him before they started dating because she was delusional. So it's not like either had a shining beacon of personality to compensate. Edited April 16, 2012 by Flummox
AD1980 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) Christ,unsucessful men cant win,were told to lower our standards but if we dothat we then get killed for it Im a 31 year old virgin so i might as well give up becauae if i ever get a girl to go on a date with me shell judge me harshly and get rid of me when she finds out my past or lack of Edited April 16, 2012 by AD1980
dasein Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Christ,unsucessful men cant win,were told to lower our standards but if we dothat we then get killed for it Im a 31 year old virgin so i might as well give up becauae if i ever get a girl to go on a date with me shell judge me harshly and get rid of me when she finds out my past or lack of Just take a lesson from this thread, as all male posters looking for dating/relationship advice here on LS should, and don't tell women anything of substance about yourself until she is begging for exclusivity or marriage. Even then, tell them nothing. They are almost permanently malcontented, if it's not one thing it's another. Don't give them more nails for the cross.
AD1980 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Just take a lesson from this thread, as all male posters looking for dating/relationship advice here on LS should, and don't tell women anything of substance about yourself until she is begging for exclusivity or marriage. Even then, tell them nothing. They are almost permanently malcontented, if it's not one thing it's another. Don't give them more nails for the cross. I agree im not saying anything ill make up a past if i have to
ascendotum Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Christ,unsucessful men cant win,were told to lower our standards but if we dothat we then get killed for it Im a 31 year old virgin so i might as well give up becauae if i ever get a girl to go on a date with me shell judge me harshly and get rid of me when she finds out my past or lack of It just means its harder to start out low and then work your way up. You stay within the minor leagues or else you praise your ex's for how wonderful they were in other ways or else you photoshop their pictures. You have a bigger hurdle to jump first. Just saw this...." ill make up a past if i have to"...it will be the smart move, even though many wont approve of it here.
ascendotum Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Thanks. I'm glad someone is actually understanding my post. OP, I didn't see your post in terms of how ES described a couple of her past bfs. I take it you see yourself as much more desirable than your bf's past exs or dates. He said something along the lines of how he is so happy to be with you and you are the hottest girl he's been with. There is only so much stone stepping a person can do before they reach the point where they find the girl very desirable physically and its becomes harder scoring partners higher up the 'hotness' scale. Given this guy's past it doesn't sound like thats his agenda. You said you were out of his league. While his confidence will have likely caught up over the past year, its not highly likely going to piff you in the near future, and start hunting for girls higher up out of his league. Your issue is that your self esteem has taken a hit..... "I feel devalued because of it" is what you said. If a guy has a history of dating gorgeous girls, then to me that is more of a reason for a relationship not lasting over the 'stepping stone' situation like ES described. If a guy has a history of dating much hotter women it will be a problem and if a guy has a history of dating much less attractive women its also a problem.
OliveOyl Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 What does it matter what "standards" he has? It's an abstract concept and moot point. Are you attracted to each other? Are you compatible? Do you care for him? Does he care for you? Do you get along well? That's all that matters. 2
westrock Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Flummox, Are you trying to say that because he has "low standards" he may not be appreciating that you have qualities that would satisfy someone who has "high standards"? Or are you trying to say that now that he's dated someone as good as you, he will get the confidence to leave you for another woman, possibly even someone who in your mind is not as "good" as you because of his low standards. Maybe he was willing to give dating these women a try to see if they were compatible. Instead of seeing him as having "low standards", isn't it more the case that he has "different standards" than you or he just doesn't have as many criteria as you do when choosing a partner? For most guys, they don't have a long requirement list in a potential partner. If a woman meets 2 or 3 of what they're are looking for in a partner, then the guy is happy and her other qualities don't really matter to the guy. That doesn't mean he has low standards, it just means he has fewer criteria that are important to him. What if things were reversed? If a woman has been dating bad boys in her 20's who treated her poorly, and then in her 30's she decides she wants to settle down and start a family, should she be rejected by a good guy on the basis of her past choices as indicative that she must have low standards? Or should she be given a chance for having changed her standards? You're dating him, he treats you well, so why does this bother you? I still think this has more to do with you than him.
lino Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Christ,unsucessful men cant win,were told to lower our standards but if we dothat we then get killed for it Im a 31 year old virgin so i might as well give up becauae if i ever get a girl to go on a date with me shell judge me harshly and get rid of me when she finds out my past or lack of Pretty much mate. Guy with higher standards = someone that only goes after what he sees in swimsuit calendars & pornos. Guy with lower standards = desperate loser that will pork anything with a hole. You've been a member here a while though, you should know that in the world of loveshack.org, anything a bloke does will cause some sort of silly complaints. I have fairly high physical standards.. why the f*ck not? I'm a fine speciman of a man
gotye Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 hahaha reminds me o this guy i sort o went on a date with who was like; I think most girls are hott you're hott i found him attractive, but considering there was nothing about me specifically that he found exceptionally worth while, I was like; eeeeh
Els Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Just take a lesson from this thread, as all male posters looking for dating/relationship advice here on LS should, and don't tell women anything of substance about yourself until she is begging for exclusivity or marriage. Even then, tell them nothing. They are almost permanently malcontented, if it's not one thing it's another. Don't give them more nails for the cross. Because clearly the posts by the other women who are NOT throwing their weight behind the OP don't matter in the slightest. If it can't be used as ammo in your generalizations, disregard and pretend it didn't happen, amirite?
dispatch3d Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 ugh. If he had more game he would have known better than to tell you this lol.
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