Is it possible to fall out of love with someone before a break up but still want them

[Lionblue92]

Is it possible to fall out of love with someone before a break up...yet still have strong feelings and want to get back together?

 

I broke up with my ex (of 8 months), about 3 and a half months ago. Since then he started to initiate contact and we still had feelings for each other so now were trying to work on a relationship. We were talking last night and I asked him if he ever fell out of love with me. I assumed his answer would be yes, but he said he did a little before we broke up. He said it wasnt like even a week but he could feel his feelings for me fading within a few days before we actually broke up. And that hit me because what he did for me to break up with him made more sense now that he actually said that. (I broke up with him because he bailed on me on a big holiday to spend it with friends)

 

...anyway why we broke up is NOT what I want to focus on now.

He said he never lost feelings for me after the break up, and he didnt get with anyone else because he only wants to be with me, and he KNOWS me, he felt the relationship ended prematurely but he doesnt currently love me. His feelings as of now are just strong enough to get back together and he really wants to move forward. I on the other hand, didnt fall out of love with him until AFTER the break up...the feelings subsided shortly after. I couldnt help but cry a little because I knew i wasnt a priority at that point, and that he was getting a little tired of the relationship but I had no idea he fell out of love BEFORE I actually broke up with him...and it was just days before that he started to feel that way. And awhile ago he told me that even after those feelings subsided he still wasnt ready for us to break up.

 

My question is, is it possible for him to want to get back with me and still have feelings if he fell out of love with me in the first place? Before the break up? Cause I just always felt like if someone feels themself fall out of love...their done. I had an ex i was with for a year who fell out of love with me, i.e. he was no longer feeling the relationship, and he broke up with me because of it and never looked back on trying to get back together. He also didnt want a relationship.

 

Anyway, I feel that Those feelings dont just magically come back. Because since the break up its not like weve spent any time together because we are both at different colleges. We have simply been keeping phone contact, so the feelings he has now are from our old relationship...and whatv he wants to happen in the future. And when I asked him if i did anything to make him feel that way he said i didnt, we were just arguing more...and he just started to. WHich scares me a little.

 

Any help, knowledge or experience with this?

[LZ2000]

When I found out that my ex cheated on me, right in front of my very eyes without her even noticing me, I didn't bother confronting my ex or even bother about making the break up "official". I just left. Without saying a word.

 

Of course, there was a period which I wanted "her" back. Slowly I began to realize that the person, "her", whom I wanted back is merely just a shadow of my cheating ex. During my time alone, I do often find myself "parodying" my ex by reenacting all the "unreasonable" behaviors and actions that my ex did while we were still together.

[Lionblue92]

When I found out that my ex cheated on me, right in front of my very eyes without her even noticing me, I didn't bother confronting my ex or even bother about making the break up "official". I just left. Without saying a word.

 

Of course, there was a period which I wanted "her" back. Slowly I began to realize that the person, "her", whom I wanted back is merely just a shadow of my cheating ex. During my time alone, I do often find myself "parodying" my ex by reenacting all the "unreasonable" behaviors and actions that my ex did while we were still together.

 

 

Wow, I see...so with that said, how do you feel about my situation or do you have any specific answer to the question?

[LZ2000]

Wow, I see...so with that said, how do you feel about my situation or do you have any specific answer to the question?

 

To be honest, I believe that it is still possible to continue the relationship, but I do assume that there is a huge huge amount of things to do, consider and cooperate on.

 

I may be wrong, but I do believe that there may be some disagreements or other events that may have happened between the both of you that may have caused some romantic feelings to subside leading to the breakup.

 

Relationships aren't fully built on romantic feelings alone, but on trust, reason, understanding, acceptance, patience. Consideration and mutual respect is critically essential too.

[Lionblue92]

Interesting....it just seems like if someone was falling out of love before a break up they wouldnt have any interest in getting into a new relationship with them. Its weird.

[Lionblue92]

Any other insight?

[leannesagoodman]

I think that it's possible for people to change how they feel several times over before they're sure of what they want. Even if he did fall out of love with you a few days before the break up, I'd say that doesn't necessarily mean that his feelings couldn't end up changing another time to end up loving you again.

 

Sometimes these things just happen. And people naturally fluctuate too. It's hard to say where love just comes from but I suppose it can and does.

[Lionblue92]

I think that it's possible for people to change how they feel several times over before they're sure of what they want. Even if he did fall out of love with you a few days before the break up, I'd say that doesn't necessarily mean that his feelings couldn't end up changing another time to end up loving you again.

 

Sometimes these things just happen. And people naturally fluctuate too. It's hard to say where love just comes from but I suppose it can and does.

 

Thank you