Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 You are onto something TBF. My ex was average looking but constantly put down my looks and made me feel like I wasn't attractive enough for him. He criticized my looks so much (from weight to hair color to clothes) that it knocked my confidence down by few notches. Both, model guy and this guy are MILES better looking than the ex. They can both be classified as hot in face, body and height. However, even if I got my own back by posting pictures of me with the hot guy on FB for ex to see, I am not sure if it's worth the complication it may potentially cause in my life. I have been doing well work wise and generally getting my life back on track, I don't think it's wise to risk another potential heartbreak. I am leaning towards "NO".
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 What made me wonder was that your focus was on looks for both the model guy and this one. Be kind to your heart. Wait for the guy who wants you for you and loves you for you and not solely what you look like. p.s. You're hot so don't let the ex's b/s get to you. 4
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Aw thanks TBF Well, he called today and apologized for being forward last night. He said that he wants to have lunch this week (thursday) and just get to know me and see what happens. He said that if things go well and we get along, he would be open to having a relationship (he said this unprompted). I told him I need to take things reallyyyy slowly. He was like "is lunch slow and innocent enough for you? can you handle lunch? :D" So I kinda said yes to lunch. I still have major doubts about his sincerity. But it's not like I am going to be crushed if things don't pan out, I could care less about him at this point.
RedRobin Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I don't accept that women are the only ones who should set the pace. A decent guy will recognize he has something to lose by getting sexually involved with the wrong woman (or women) too. This is in the context of people who are looking for a committed relationship though. For those who are looking for hookups/FWBs, then just f like animals. Who cares? In that case, just make sure they aren't a psycho and bring condoms with... 1
Star Gazer Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 What made me wonder was that your focus was on looks for both the model guy and this one. Be kind to your heart. Wait for the guy who wants you for you and loves you for you and not solely what you look like. You mean her focus was on the looks of the guys, right? And that the guys should be looking for women who like them for them?
Pierre Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I've had a few casual situations over the years, and in those cases, all I wanted was some mutual pleasure and affection, so I didn't care that much about how our story unfolded or what he thought of me. With a real prospect, I'm aspiring to the higher ideals of lasting love and real companionship. So I want our story to open with some romance, suspense, mystery. I believe that waiting a bit for sex promotes healthy bonding and attachment, and enables both people to move forward with their minds less clouded. And most men love the sensual, meandering tease and are very fired up by it. I believe you should have the same attitude with ALL men. This concept of having or not having sex right away based on how you initially see these men can lead to errors and miscalculations. You should wait with all comers. Imagine how would a nice man feels if he finds out you slept with other guys right away and he gets the celibacy treatment. Men see sex as a sign they are wanted and liked. So Mr. nice guy could conclude there is something fishy going on. Furthermore, your dating habits become an act and do not represent who you really are.
RedRobin Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Especially if Mr. Nice guy comes to believe the main reason he is considered a real 'prospect' is because he has $$... and the woman has sex with 'poorer' or less educated men casually. Won't seem like such a prize then, I'm thinking.
HeavenOrHell Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 She said she didn't want a ONS, that's not the same as not wanting sex with him at some point. There is a lot of middle ground between ONS and full on r/ship. Well if you don't want just sex, and you don't want a relationship...what IS it that you want? Do you just want to date around? 'Take a lover'? Anyway, it seems like you have misgivings about this guy, so you should move along.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Basically, I want to casually date at a pace of once a week or less. It should include sex, I just felt iffy about going home with him that night. I want it to be non-exclusive (we can both date and f others). I also don't want to be obliged to save fri/sat nights to see him. I want the contact to be VERY sporadic, I don't want to text all day long. We should also be each other's low priority; meaning friends, work, hobbies etc should come first. Ideally, I would prefer no sleep-overs. Just f.. and go. That's my idea of the type of set up I want right now. 1
RedRobin Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 to answer the OP's question... I always tend to steer clear of these kinds of situations when I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable. 1
tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 She said she didn't want a ONS, that's not the same as not wanting sex with him at some point. There is a lot of middle ground between ONS and full on r/ship. I was merely trying to get a bead on exactly what it is she wants, as she didn't make it too clear in the original post aside from 'no ONS' and 'no R'. I am very aware of middle grounds.
Pierre Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Basically, I want to casually date at a pace of once a week or less. It should include sex, I just felt iffy about going home with him that night. I want it to be non-exclusive (we can both date and f others). I also don't want to be obliged to save fri/sat nights to see him. I want the contact to be VERY sporadic, I don't want to text all day long. We should also be each other's low priority; meaning friends, work, hobbies etc should come first. Ideally, I would prefer no sleep-overs. Just f.. and go. That's my idea of the type of set up I want right now. :laugh: Famous last words! After a couple of rolls in the hay then emotions get in the way and the rest is history.:( I strongly suggest you do not date anyone for a good 6 months until you are over your prior relationship. I also suggest you stop the "f.. and go" mindset. No wonder this guy wanted to have a ONS with you have "f.. and go" written in your forehead. I strongly suggest you backpedl just a bit. It sounds like you are rebounding. 1
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Basically, I want to casually date at a pace of once a week or less. It should include sex, I just felt iffy about going home with him that night. I want it to be non-exclusive (we can both date and f others). I also don't want to be obliged to save fri/sat nights to see him. I want the contact to be VERY sporadic, I don't want to text all day long. We should also be each other's low priority; meaning friends, work, hobbies etc should come first. Ideally, I would prefer no sleep-overs. Just f.. and go. That's my idea of the type of set up I want right now. so why turn him down? sounds like something this guy would readily go for. i know the answer, much like TBF knows. no need to respond.
Pierre Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 It should include sex, I just felt iffy about going home with him that night. I want it to be non-exclusive (we can both date and f others). I also don't want to be obliged to save fri/sat nights to see him. Very contradictory statement. However, if what you say is true then I have no clue why you did not bag this guy. You said the guy was way hotter in looks, height, and body than your ex BF so your posture is once again contradictory. I beg you to take it slowly and to learn about yourself.
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Very contradictory statement. However, if what you say is true then I have no clue why you did not bag this guy. You said the guy was way hotter in looks, height, and body than your ex BF so your posture is once again contradictory. I beg you to take it slowly and to learn about yourself. because that's not what she wants. she wants drama. slow, fast, sex, celibate, blah blah blah. none of that matters those are just the details.
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 ES is a single adult. She can do whatever she damn well pleases without the express approval of LS members.
RedRobin Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 ES is a single adult. She can do whatever she damn well pleases without the express approval of LS members. Weelll, you have to admit, they kinda do have a point.
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Weelll, you have to admit, they kinda do have a point.If people can't be objective, their points are irrelevant since they're knifing points instead of well-meaning constructive criticisms.
RedRobin Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 If people can't be objective, their points are irrelevant since they're knifing points instead of well-meaning constructive criticisms. Some are more blunt and tact challenged than others, yes. I have that problem myself sometimes. I think the overall message though is... proceed with caution. Anyway, I'm relatively new here, so I don't know all of the history with different posters and ES. She asked, so thought I'd weigh in. Sounds like she had a pretty rough spot with the ex... 2
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Some are more blunt and tact challenged than others, yes. I have that problem myself sometimes. I think the overall message though is... proceed with caution. Anyway, I'm relatively new here, so I don't know all of the history with different posters and ES. She asked, so thought I'd weigh in. Sounds like she had a pretty rough spot with the ex...You know what? I reread the previous posts but with an alternate subvocalization. They weren't as bad as initially assumed, so consider my previous statements redacted. I'm glad you challenged my position.
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Some are more blunt and tact challenged than others, yes. I have that problem myself sometimes. I think the overall message though is... proceed with caution. Anyway, I'm relatively new here, so I don't know all of the history with different posters and ES. She asked, so thought I'd weigh in. Sounds like she had a pretty rough spot with the ex... they're quite entertaining. i'm not sure whether they're true or not, but seem plausible in a weird sorta way. the script reads like.... a) ES meets a guy and falls head over heels for him b) guy does all the typical things guys do when dating and early in relationships c) ES's insecurity takes over, she ignores him, seeks drama/attention fix from LS threads instead d) guy gets bored/mad/disinterested/whatever and disappears, leaves, cheats, etc. e) ES comes back to LS for another drama/pity party after guy is gone then the process repeats a few months later.
Can I Change Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Spring has sprung and 'pussy fever' has begun! I have to listen to my 'party planner!'
Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 You're still not over your ex and you're trying to fill the hole that has left with meaningless sexual flings that will not bring you any fulfillment. Right. Because her angst-ridden relationship brought her so much "fulfillment". I've tried out some more casual arrangements over the past few years, and they've had their pros and cons, just like conventional relationships do. For every casual lover who's feeling some pangs of emptiness about the relationship, there's a married person feeling uninspired and lonely in theirs. If ES wants to see how a casual relationship works for her, that's her call. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 She already told the guy she wants something between a serious relationship and a ONS. Everyone jumps on the fact that he said he didn't want a relationship as a warning for her not to expect it. She was just as forthright as he was about this - in fact, moreso, because she brought it up and stated her position right away. So he knows exactly where she stands. 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Basically, I want to casually date at a pace of once a week or less. It should include sex, I just felt iffy about going home with him that night. I want it to be non-exclusive (we can both date and f others). I also don't want to be obliged to save fri/sat nights to see him. I want the contact to be VERY sporadic, I don't want to text all day long. We should also be each other's low priority; meaning friends, work, hobbies etc should come first. Ideally, I would prefer no sleep-overs. Just f.. and go. That's my idea of the type of set up I want right now. Well … you may have changed, or have something within you that you haven't shown here on LS, but I can't envision you carrying on an arrangement like this happily or successfully. From my perspective, even if you aren't that into him, you will suffer if a guy you're having sex with shows you a pretty low level of interest (sporadic contact, having sex with others, etc.) I believe it will make you doubt your own desirability and attractiveness and start to take up a lot of space in your head. What are you looking to get out of a deal like this? I can see you casually dating around for fun.
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