Feelsgoodman Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Ooooh thats harsh dumped immediately, but I can see why its because it just wouldn't make sense to you right? So what do I do not tell them and just let on im just waiting a few months let then=m start to have feelings for me and then tell them? It seems very sneaky and would be a massive blow (or not!) to the guy Women who become "re-virgins" always have ulterior motives. Either they are former sluts who think they can arrange years (decades?) of shameful behavior through newfound abstinence or they are simply trying to use sex to manipulate men into marrying them.
phineas Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Why would you run instead of walk away? This means that it would freak you out in some way why? Would you be scared she was desperate for marriage or....bad in bed or what.....?????? I do not mean in the literal sense. I would immediately finish my drink, excuse myself, get a new a drink, shake my head, say "I don't even....." then go talk to another woman or grab a cigar with some guys and be happy i'm single.
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 So, OP, to clarify, you've made the choice to remain celibate until marriage due to what you perceive as 'spiritual benefits' from certain lifestyle changes you have made, including your perspective on sex and relationships; is that correct? If so, then that's a great conversation to have up-front, even before actually pressing flesh on a date, or during such dates. If I asked you "How do you feel about marriage?", how would you answer? I mention this because the women I dated while I was separated asked me this question on our first or second dates. I thought it to be a great question.
ASG Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Also, this reminds me of Sex and the City. Didn't Charlotte decide to be a re virgin and not have sex with the guy she eventually married and it then turned out he was impotent or something like that? That right there is a reason I would never hold off until marriage. That and the fact that not having sex until I got married would be more akin to a form of torture, really. If I love someone or even if I am just attracted to someone I want to be able to have sex with them . Now. Not in some distant future once we're married.
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I would never be with a woman that uses sex as a bargaining tool. Bargaining tool for what?!
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I know!!! I'm sorry but arent you sooo looking forward to experiencing sex AFTER you've said your vows and experiencing how it will feel to finally be with someone you ARE IN LOVE WITH after not touching each other after all that time??!! I'm just starting to see how powerful its supposed to be powerful man repellant Im so looking forward to trying things another way but I don't want to have potential fantastic future husbands reject me after hearing my SHOCKING REVELATION! and that's precisely it, you called it. you will be severely limiting your dating pool. limiting potential prospects is not a recipe for success.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Also, this reminds me of Sex and the City. Didn't Charlotte decide to be a re virgin and not have sex with the guy she eventually married and it then turned out he was impotent or something like that? LOL...it would actually be pretty funny if this happened in real life. Always sample the goods before you buy...
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 i know it will be amazing!:bunny: i know alot people think virgins are prude, but im in no way like that. so i very much crave it. i would probably, cause him some physical harm:p Lol!!!! You definitely will being a virgin you have all that pent up energy to unleash on him!! Me I'll have to build mine back up and so will he if he goes along with what I'm hoping so yes it will be amazing! I'm also so curious to see what kind of relationship we can build and what other strengths will take precedent when you take the sex out ie.. but i haven't got a clue what these are?!
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Women who become "re-virgins" always have ulterior motives. Either they are former sluts who think they can arrange years (decades?) of shameful behavior through newfound abstinence or they are simply trying to use sex to manipulate men into marrying them. Ok well im definitely not trying to erase my sexual past cause i don't have that shame about it that i guess some people can have but I just wanna do things differently because I want not only to hav my own husband but i want the strongest marriage possible and i just have a gut instinct that following the two become one and marriage thing to its purest level will give us (me and possible husbands) a big advantage
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 ill quote myself "i explain early on that i wont do anything sexual", i say from beginning. but also if they want relationship that will not change anything. i wont lead anyone on, thats kinda like emotional blackmail:sick: So it would have to be casually dropped into the conversation like "How old are you"? "What do you do" ? etc I could just say I used to have sex but now I'm savin myself for my husband?!!!
ASG Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 LOL...it would actually be pretty funny if this happened in real life. Always sample the goods before you buy... Honestly... I'm sure this happens!!!! LOL I've been there and done that and am not willing to go through it again (the erectile dysfunction bit, I mean). I *will* know before I commit to anything!!!
Feelsgoodman Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Ok well im definitely not trying to erase my sexual past cause i don't have that shame about it that i guess some people can have but I just wanna do things differently because I want not only to hav my own husband but i want the strongest marriage possible and i just have a gut instinct that following the two become one and marriage thing to its purest level will give us (me and possible husbands) a big advantage This doesn't make much sense. How does having sex prevent you marrying later on?
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 powerful man repellant and that's precisely it, you called it. you will be severely limiting your dating pool. limiting potential prospects is not a recipe for success. So how the hell do I get them to stick around if I like them once i've told them this?? Or should I just f**k them and then finish the relationship because I don't want to marry them. I'm soooo confused and it would be much easier to be in Iris situation! Do I have to be Pam Anderson or Angelina Jolie? I'd bet men would wait to marry them!
irin Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 So it would have to be casually dropped into the conversation like "How old are you"? "What do you do" ? etc I could just say I used to have sex but now I'm savin myself for my husband?!!! what made you change your mind about sex? if you had it before? why not any more, i actually dont understand this sorry! i also dont believe in the whole re-virgin thing, i just dont get, unless you convert to some religion?
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 gave you her reasons for that choice.My apologies if someone asked this question before but why would you gloss over this portion? Perhaps her reasons are valid, as they relate to her. So what were her reasons?
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 So how the hell do I get them to stick around if I like them once i've told them this?? Or should I just f**k them and then finish the relationship because I don't want to marry them. I'm soooo confused and it would be much easier to be in Iris situation! Do I have to be Pam Anderson or Angelina Jolie? I'd bet men would wait to marry them! no they wouldn't. you're thinking of them as sex symbols. without the sex they'd be just like me hanging around with my mother or sister. your dating pool is going to be limited to the religious types, and consider the mentality you will be dealing with. you will be telling them that your church is more important than they are. if they are of the same opinion they will be telling you that church is more important than you are. two people whose relationship is a secondary priority i don't think will generally find happiness. the odds will be against you.
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 So, OP, to clarify, you've made the choice to remain celibate until marriage due to what you perceive as 'spiritual benefits' from certain lifestyle changes you have made, including your perspective on sex and relationships; is that correct? If so, then that's a great conversation to have up-front, even before actually pressing flesh on a date, or during such dates. If I asked you "How do you feel about marriage?", how would you answer? I mention this because the women I dated while I was separated asked me this question on our first or second dates. I thought it to be a great question. Yes thats how I feel. For example if i was sleeping with my man living together doing everything a married couple does, what difference will there be after I've married him. I'm thinking that to take sex out of the equation and put it on a pedastal that after the marriage or wedding the sex changes in its nature whereas if you've already been living that life after the big day what changes?
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Yes thats how I feel. For example if i was sleeping with my man living together doing everything a married couple does, what difference will there be after I've married him. I'm thinking that to take sex out of the equation and put it on a pedastal that after the marriage or wedding the sex changes in its nature whereas if you've already been living that life after the big day what changes? nothing changes. marriage isn't a magic pill. it's a legal status that gives you some mild tax and insurance benefits. you are sorely misguided if you think sex or lack thereof can make fantasy into reality. 6
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I like the fact that you would talk maturely about this Well no sex would mean NOTHING. I don't agree with people who say no intercourse but everything else or oral and nothing else its all the same to me. No sex and no living together. Kissing would be kept to a minimum too cause of how it feels and where it leads would be TOO hard to stop but some kisses ok. One of the reasons would be to see how close we could become without the sex working on other aspects kinda saving the best till last Watch a cute old movie called "Under the Yum Yum Tree":) It pertains to this topic:)
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 LOL...it would actually be pretty funny if this happened in real life. Always sample the goods before you buy... Yes if I got married and went to bed to find out my husband was impotent or lazy or just didn't do it for me id be gutted that would be a real "kick in the balls!" I understand about the whole test drive thing and then you choose to buy the car or not but impotent isn't normal is it? Wouldn't that be incredibly unlucky? Lazy is unacceptable and would have to be shagged out of him and the sexual compatibility surely that comes from being madly in love with someone?? I know you can have mad chemistry with a stranger but what about being in love
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 OP, are you more interested in clarifying the dynamic of waiting until marriage to live with someone and have sex with them or the actual process of 'dealing with it' at the dating level? Those are two very different subjects. When you asked in the OP 'how would you handle it', I inferred it was the process of discussion and disclosure you sought advice on. Was that wrong? I accept that your reasons are your reasons. They speak to compatibility.
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 what made you change your mind about sex? if you had it before? why not any more, i actually dont understand this sorry! i also dont believe in the whole re-virgin thing, i just dont get, unless you convert to some religion? I do beleive in God. I beleive that sex feels the way it does so that we'll have the desire do it and so then procreate and that it also brings two bodies together as one and builds a relationship and a bond betwen two people thats just for them but now I'm starting to believe that marriage is a condition of this, like this gift of sex comes with us having to do something to get it like it can't just be with no sacrifice from us kind of like when a father gives his child a car for their birthday but gives conditions he has to fulfill before this.......so then if I believe in marriage then I have to believe its rules and that the rules must have some important benefits and I just want to know what they are I don't want to miss out. Saying this is just an idea Im not interpreting what marriage is just trying to
ASG Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Yes if I got married and went to bed to find out my husband was impotent or lazy or just didn't do it for me id be gutted that would be a real "kick in the balls!" I understand about the whole test drive thing and then you choose to buy the car or not but impotent isn't normal is it? Wouldn't that be incredibly unlucky? Lazy is unacceptable and would have to be shagged out of him and the sexual compatibility surely that comes from being madly in love with someone?? I know you can have mad chemistry with a stranger but what about being in love Wow... you *are* misguided. There's all sorts of erectile dysfunction. Not all of them are definite. Some guys have performance anxiety, or are on meds that have as a side effect a reduced erection, etc, etc, etc. I have encountered a few guys in my sexual past that had some kind of trouble getting it up. On some occasions it prevented sex completely and was very frustrating. Sexually compatibility has NOTHING to do with being madly in love. You either are or you aren't compatible. Being in love might make you compromise on some things, if you aren't, but at some point they will become issues in your relationship. Being lazy would be an example of sexual incompatibility. I don't even think you've thought about this decision of yours at lenght. You think that it will somehow make your marriage something special... when that is just not how it works. Your marriage will be special because you got married to someone you love. Not because you start having sex again. Like thatone said, marriage is a signed piece of paper with some tax benefits.
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 OP, are you more interested in clarifying the dynamic of waiting until marriage to live with someone and have sex with them or the actual process of 'dealing with it' at the dating level? Those are two very different subjects. When you asked in the OP 'how would you handle it', I inferred it was the process of discussion and disclosure you sought advice on. Was that wrong? I accept that your reasons are your reasons. They speak to compatibility. No you were bang on! Im not worried about the dynamic of that period before getting married with no sex because i'm fascinated to see what kind of relationship we can make when sex is not in the equation...eg...what will make us fall in love and how will we show each other and the challenges of it because I really think that there could be some amazing benefits even though i don't know what they are. No...my problem is, how the hell am I going to be able to tell guys this cause surely for the vast majority of guys who are not falling for a woman it would just be a complete non starter! Its all well a guy saying if he really had serious feelings for the woman and was told this that he could wait but how on earth would he have got those serious feelings if im telling him this from when I meet him???
Author Jody005 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I do not mean in the literal sense. I would immediately finish my drink, excuse myself, get a new a drink, shake my head, say "I don't even....." then go talk to another woman or grab a cigar with some guys and be happy i'm single. Lol!!! But if i was really attracted to you I wouldn't let you go i might think to myself...."oh i'm not telling him" and carry on as normal as if I was sexualy active and thats wrong.....just to keep you as an option id rather make you happy!
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