Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Seriously, how would you feel if you started to like a girl you were seeing and during an intimate conversation she told you that although she wasn't a virgin she now doesnt want to have sex until after her wedding day and gave you her reasons for that choice. If you really liked her would you start to think about marrying her or would you walk away from her....How would you handle it?
carhill Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 1. I'd ask her to clarify what 'doesn't want to have sex' means, specifically. I'd also ask her to clarify her viewpoint on intimacy in general. I would compare her words to her actions. 2. I'd share my perspective on intimacy and love and commitment. 3. We'd go from there. The answers and apparent synergy or lack thereof would guide my decision-making process. I'm pro-marriage.
veggirl Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Consider marrying her? I assume this hypothetical (?) convo is happening fairly early on... ? So no, if a guy said this to me early on I wouldn't consider marrying him. I would also stop seeing him. That ideal alone makes us incompatible. Esp if he's had sex before, I'm not really looking to deal with someone else's sexual hang ups and if I am just getting to know the guy then it's no loss to me to walk at early drama / incompatibility like that.
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I will most likely run not walk. Why?!!!....
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Just to add, saying it so early on would be necessary so you both knew where you stood you just couldn't avoid the situation for long because sex is TOO important!
stillafool Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I've known men who went for such an arrangement. I think it depends on how deeply a man cares for the woman.
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 1. I'd ask her to clarify what 'doesn't want to have sex' means, specifically. I'd also ask her to clarify her viewpoint on intimacy in general. I would compare her words to her actions. 2. I'd share my perspective on intimacy and love and commitment. 3. We'd go from there. The answers and apparent synergy or lack thereof would guide my decision-making process. I'm pro-marriage. I like the fact that you would talk maturely about this Well no sex would mean NOTHING. I don't agree with people who say no intercourse but everything else or oral and nothing else its all the same to me. No sex and no living together. Kissing would be kept to a minimum too cause of how it feels and where it leads would be TOO hard to stop but some kisses ok. One of the reasons would be to see how close we could become without the sex working on other aspects kinda saving the best till last
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I've known men who went for such an arrangement. I think it depends on how deeply a man cares for the woman. Thats the difficult part because you are not going to get to deeply care about a woman unless you've been seeing each other for a while and would have already had to have had the conversation......do you get me? How its chicken and egg?
somedude81 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 IMO, when a woman says no sex until marriage, it turns sex into a reason for getting married. And sex should never be a reason to marry somebody. Can you imagine somebody asking your husband why you got married, and he answered, "So I can have sex with her." 2
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 IMO, when a woman says no sex until marriage, it turns sex into a reason for getting married. And sex should never be a reason to marry somebody. Can you imagine somebody asking your husband why you got married, and he answered, "So I can have sex with her." So would you finish with her?
KathyM Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 People sometimes make mistakes earlier in life, and they realize they want to make better choices in the future. Sometimes they have a change of heart, and realize they want the commitment of marriage before going down that road of sexual intimacy. I'd say that's more "wifey material" than someone that will bang any guy she dates. If she has many good qualities about her and you don't want to lose her, I suggest you respect her position on this. 2
veggirl Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 You need to find a religious virgin I think... I will give you props on not being an "everything but" girl though!
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 So would you finish with her? But why would he marry me just for sex surely it would be easier for him to go have sex and get with someone else then to go through a marriage Just for MY body. So maybe if he did that I would take it as a sign of how bad he wanted to be with me
somedude81 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 So would you finish with her? You have no opinion on what I said? As for me being finished with her. I would want to date a woman for at least a couple of years before I get married to her. There is no way I'd go without sex for two years.
Professor X Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I'd run. Not gonna wait until after marriage to discover that you like to play possum in bed. Also, the thought of you banging other guys and not me would just not stop haunting me, so ye, I'd spare myself this torment.
Pompom Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 If you're into all of her and love her, I don't see why not consider marrying her. Maybe she wants to settle down at long last. I know I do, and I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting full commitment or no relationship at all. I am in favor of any kind of consensual relationship. I just don't see why one or both partners would be reluctant to marry if they were convinced they are in a happy, stable relationship. Not wanting to finalize things usually indicates uncertainty.
carhill Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I like the fact that you would talk maturely about this Well no sex would mean NOTHING. I don't agree with people who say no intercourse but everything else or oral and nothing else its all the same to me. No sex and no living together. Kissing would be kept to a minimum too cause of how it feels and where it leads would be TOO hard to stop but some kisses ok. One of the reasons would be to see how close we could become without the sex working on other aspects kinda saving the best till last I would then ask the person how she defines the difference between a loving platonic and romantic relationship and how she shows those differences to her partner. I would also ask her what her timeline is for becoming married and how she feels about signing a prenuptial agreement.
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I would then ask the person how she defines the difference between a loving platonic and romantic relationship and how she shows those differences to her partner. I would also ask her what her timeline is for becoming married and how she feels about signing a prenuptial agreement. You are right but it may not be a question you would have to ask her re how to show love because that is what she would want to find out with you i would say time frame for marriage would have to be no more than a year maybe
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I would then ask the person how she defines the difference between a loving platonic and romantic relationship and how she shows those differences to her partner. I would also ask her what her timeline is for becoming married and how she feels about signing a prenuptial agreement.[/quote What you mean a sexual pre nuptual agreement????!!!!
Professor X Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 sexual pre nuptual agreement????!!!! Where did he say sexual ????!!!!
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Where did he say sexual ????!!!! It just made me laugh cause i remember there was a story of a man who asked his fiancee to sign a sex agreement before they got wed as his previous two wives had both gone off sex and left him hanging!!! If he means for assets and money etc i think its smart thing but abit sad
Author Jody005 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 It just made me laugh cause i remember there was a story of a man who asked his fiancee to sign a sex agreement before they got wed as his previous two wives had both gone off sex and left him hanging!!! If he means for assets and money etc i think its smart thing but abit sad Its here! ROWAN PELLING'S SEX ADVICE: My man wants me to sign a twice a week sex contract | Mail Online
manup Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 If you're into all of her and love her, I don't see why not consider marrying her. Maybe she wants to settle down at long last. I know I do, and I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting full commitment or no relationship at all. I am in favor of any kind of consensual relationship. I just don't see why one or both partners would be reluctant to marry if they were convinced they are in a happy, stable relationship. Not wanting to finalize things usually indicates uncertainty. most men dislike the idea of a woman having a ton of sex early in life then having a convenient epiphany of chastity and monogamy when she's coming into the end of her prime
Necris Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Seriously, how would you feel if you started to like a girl you were seeing and during an intimate conversation she told you that although she wasn't a virgin she now doesnt want to have sex until after her wedding day and gave you her reasons for that choice. If you really liked her would you start to think about marrying her or would you walk away from her....How would you handle it? Sounds good to me I'm a virgin myself, though I would prefer if she were a virgin and preferrably religious herself so I would like to know her reasons since it does seem wierd that she has had sex with other men but now all of a sudden wanting chastity.
Recommended Posts