toffeecream77 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 It's coming up to eight months since we broke up. That's quite a long time. Yet I still carry around so much hurt. I'm depressed and it doesn't help that I'm still trying to find some work. I work for my own at home but I'm looking to progress my career with an organisation and it's proving tough because there are so few jobs. I dno't feel like I'm going anywhere and I don't feel good about my life. This can't help my current situation. I don't know how to help myself anymore. Here's a recap of my break up and the situation since: My ex travelled across Europe to declare his love for me, to tell me he was crazy about me. He planned a party so I could meet more of his friends and to help me have some fun after an important hospital appointment. After he left to go back to his city, a few days later, when I was in bed recovering from my hospital appointment, I received an email from him telling me it was over. A week later, he got together with a girl at that party. I didn't know this when I travelled to his city for work and we met up. The day after, I told him I still loved him. Then he told me he never loved me. I sent a few crazy messages after that. Silly, I know, but I was devastated and angry. I was so reluctant to get into a relationship with him in the beginning but he persuaded me to give him a go. He earned my trust despite my fears. And he ended up screwing me over big time. The irony. I felt like such an idiot for opening up. We've spoken a few times since then, sometimes on the phone but mainly messages. But it's always been me to initiate. He hasn't tried to contact me or say hi or ask about my hospital appointment -- not even once. He didn't message me on my birthday yet I did for him. When I told him it was up to him to come to me when he wants to be friends, he called me and we spoke for half an hour. Just catching up. And I said to him, if you're not comfortable being friends, then just say. He said he's fine being friends, that he regularly sees his ex gfs and his current gf isn't jealous -- and that he'd like to keep it that way. He said it will take time for us to be friends. But I don't believe him. I think he was just being polite. Being friends would help. I still have feelings but I'm able to respect the fact that he's with somenoe else, he's happy etc. I'd still like him to be a part of my life, to sometimes ask me how I am etc. I'm friends with all of my exs. I also felt like we could get over the awful break up and it would help me move on in a positive ways -- by having a nice friendship. We don't even live in the same country, it's not like we'd be hanging out every weekend. But he's just not interested in being friends seven months on. I really loved this guy. And I really thought he loved me too. Travelling across Europe to see me, to declare his love then a week later to end it...and he's been happy with someone else since while I've been depressed. I want to forget all the bad feelings. I can't begin to describe how this all makes me feel Any kind words, anyone?
Nohbody Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 You should really initiate no contact. But that's up to you.
Author toffeecream77 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 You should really initiate no contact. But that's up to you. Thanks for your reply. Yes, I've made a decision to go NC now. Thing is, I know we're most likely never going to talk again. He's not bothered to contact me in seven months, I doubt he's going to in the future. It hurts so much Wish we could be friends who check in with each other from time to time but even that's too much to ask for apparently. Shame, it would have helped me.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I'm a little confused... how long did you actually go out with him for?
Nohbody Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Sometimes you have to put the past in the past and continue into the future. It's not what we want, but it is what is required for us to live good lives.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 How long were you dating? He already has someone? I would respect his wishes and just move on. You aren't even in the same country. If you love someone, just let them go. No reason to pursue this; just because you are friend with all your ex's doesn't mean anything in this case. Besides. You have your other ex's as friends. NC is best===you are prolonging your own pain.
Author toffeecream77 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Thanks for your replies. I really want to get over him. Most of all, I want to get rid of the pain I'm experiencing.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 you still haven't said how long your relationship was, or how long you were dating....? 1
LasVegasGuy Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Closure is the key. Me, Myself I have never been able to move in from a ex unless I got closure. This was noticed in 2 past relationships, first girl took me 2 years to get over her, and second was even longer. Now loveshack has been known to promote (NC) which is not a bad thing, but could also stop someone from getting closure and just harboring alot of painfull feelings. The thing about seeking closure is it could backfire and oly end up setting you back instead of making process.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 that's because people do not seem to undertstand that closure doesn't come from the dumper. the person dumped has to achieve their own closure, themselves. On their own. With no dumper-input at all.... sorry, but that's the cold-bucket-of-water truth.... 2
LasVegasGuy Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 that's because people do not seem to undertstand that closure doesn't come from the dumper. the person dumped has to achieve their own closure, themselves. On their own. With no dumper-input at all.... sorry, but that's the cold-bucket-of-water truth.... I agree to disagree, I think that you can get closure from the dumper, but ALL too often it ends up hurting you more than helping, it atlest helped me. Maybe it was my ex's situation that turned me off, once I went back there was always something that I found VERY unattractive, kids, dramatic weight gain and etc. So you might have a point.
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