Sending A Letter Of Apology To Her Office?

[dwfs20032003]

I went on date with this 32 year old woman and we had sex on the 2nd date. On the way back to the parking lot, she kept asking and begging that I would contact and see her again. I said yes and we were kissing passionately before I let her go. Unfortunately, I didn't keep my promise due several factors such as health and personal issues. I only texted twice within a month after 2nd date because I got digestive problem and cold one after the other. I also was very stressful at the work place and also with other personal projects so I didn't want to give out any bad vibe to her. Last but not least I was too self conscious that I might sound so boring on the phone that she'd dumped right away. It's weird because I already had sex with her on the 2nd date.

Almost a month after 2nd date, i asked her out again but she didn't reply at all. The following day,I called her and I was kind of surprised that the robot voice said that her primary cell phone was disconnected. Since I really wanted to know for sure if her phone was no longer in service or she purposefully blocked my call, I called her office landline and I was being put on hold for almost 10 minutes. My feeling told me that she really didn't want to speak with me but I kept on waiting on the other line. I then recalled that she gave me her business card. So I hang up the call and started to text her office cell phone. The next day, she replied that it wasn't professional to contact her office cell phone directly and she said sorry that things didn't work out.

Should i send her a snail mail to her office? I don't expect her to like me anymore but I just want to apologize and explain my situation.

Additional question for the ladies: If you are no longer interested with a guy and he sends a letter of apology, would you consider this as stalking or harrasment? I just dont want to get a restraining order for sending a final apology letter.

All inputs are appreciated. Thanks

Edited April 14, 2012 by dwfs20032003
Better Wording

[TaraMaiden]

she's made her feelings very clear.

I'd chalk this up to experience and just drop it and walk away.

 

It wouldn't matter what you do.

She's moved on, I would suggest you do the same.

[louise_23]

I went on date with this 32 year old woman and we had sex on the 2nd date. On the way back to the parking lot, she kept asking and begging that I would contact and see her again. I said yes and we were kissing passionately before I let her go. Unfortunately, I didn't keep my promise due several factors such as health and personal issues. I only texted twice within a month after 2nd date because I got digestive problem and cold one after the other. I also was very stressful at the work place and also with other personal projects so I didn't want to give out any bad vibe to her. Last but not least I was too self conscious that I might sound so boring on the phone that she'd dumped right away. It's weird because I already had sex with her on the 2nd date.

Almost a month after 2nd date, i asked her out again but she didn't reply at all. The following day,I called her and I was kind of surprised that the robot voice said that her primary cell phone was disconnected. Since I really wanted to know for sure if her phone was no longer in service or she purposefully blocked my call, I called her office landline and I was being put on hold for almost 10 minutes. My feeling told me that she really didn't want to speak with me but I kept on waiting on the other line. I then recalled that she gave me her business card. So I hang up the call and started to text her office cell phone. The next day, she replied that it wasn't professional to contact her office cell phone directly and she said sorry that things didn't work out.

Should i send her a snail mail to her office? I don't expect her to like me anymore but I just want to apologize and explain my situation.

Additional question for the ladies: If you are no longer interested with a guy and he sends a letter of apology, would you consider this as stalking or harrasment? I just dont want to get a restraining order for sending a final apology letter.

All inputs are appreciated. Thanks

 

 

oh my goodddd dont send a letter to her WORK. if someone did that to me id feel stalked. i think this ship has sailed, move on. in future dont make it look like you're after sex and then disappear off the face of the earth!

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm on the same page as Just A Poster.

 

Here is the thing dwfs, women like when men follow through. Especially if they had sex with you. It doesn't matter if your voice sounds like a 12 year old girls. You should have called her. It sounds to me that you were making excuses not to get in contact with her. For whaterver reason. She now knows you as a man that doesn't stand by his word. And if you don't have that with a woman, you got nothing.

 

In romantiic theory, the letter is a nice idea. But I'm not sure it would be well received. If you had her email, you could always send her an email apologizing for your behavior and letting her know this is the last time you will bother her and you just wanted her to know how sorry you were.

 

I don't think I would feel stalked if a man I slept with sent me a letter telling me was sorry for what happened.

[louise_23]

I'm on the same page as Just A Poster.

 

Here is the thing dwfs, women like when men follow through. Especially if they had sex with you. It doesn't matter if your voice sounds like a 12 year old girls. You should have called her. It sounds to me that you were making excuses not to get in contact with her. For whaterver reason. She now knows you as a man that doesn't stand by his word. And if you don't have that with a woman, you got nothing.

 

In romantiic theory, the letter is a nice idea. But I'm not sure it would be well received. If you had her email, you could always send her an email apologizing for your behavior and letting her know this is the last time you will bother her and you just wanted her to know how sorry you were.

 

I don't think I would feel stalked if a man I slept with sent me a letter telling me was sorry for what happened.

 

dont get me wrong, the letter thing in theory is good. but at someones work? f that. its creepy. send it to her house. look her up. but dont invade someones professional environment after shes already told you not to.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I don't think it's creepy to be honest. I'm trying to put myself in this girls position. If I liked a guy enough to have slept with him on the second date, then he didn't contact me again for a month, getting a letter apologizing for his actions wouldn't be such a bad thing. HOWEVER, I do see your point about her already making it clear that work is not the right place for his contact. I have mixed opinions here.

[dasein]

1. If she didn't want pure NSA sex she should have made it clear BEFORE DOING IT on the second date, not after. Dwfs, you have done absolutely nothing wrong here based on what you posted in your OP. Nada. Whatever you do, do not send an apology of any type.

 

2. Last I checked, the year is 2012. A woman who works at an office job and has sex on second dates is a woman who can pick up her phone and call a man she wants to see again. The days of demanding that all male obligations of the old social order remain while no female obligations do, but all female advantages remain are o-ver. Don't like that ladies? Tough. Time to grow up and behave like rational adults or be treated like children, Choice is yours.

 

But of course her is entitled to act like a widdie biddie babee with the phone games, ignoring his texts and calls, imperiously pronouncing some BS about not sending her a text on her work phone, of course her is...

 

3. OP to reiterate, you did nothing wrong. It's pretty plain she wasn't interested, changed her mind sometime after the NSA sex, or she would have replied to one of the texts you sent her. Instead of telling you she wasn't interested like an adult, she decided to play the "petulant child" card they love to fall back on when their precious asses aren't kissed just right. You may have waited a little long to contact due to your illness, but that doesn't excuse her childish behavior in ignoring your contact attempts.

 

Some of the replies here are outrageous IMO. Next time you get laid out in bed, let us know how many social calls you feel like making. He texted her twice, she didn't respond. The end.

[Imajerk17]

dasein, I can see your point, except that even in 2012, women still are the only ones who can get pregnant. So the roles between the genders are still asymmetrical when sex is involved. Combine that with social programming, and many otherwise great women believe that a man needs to call the next day after sex.

 

dwfs, a good rule to follow in life is to not make things difficult for yourself. Now you are stressing about how to contact her again, but you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you had called her the next day.

 

I say, go ahead and send the letter. What do you have to lose. Send it to her ASAP. But as far as getting her interested again, it's a low-percentage game.

[veggirl]

I don't think you should send the letter. You caught her on the phone by calling her work and she didn't appreciate it and blew you off. Enough said. If you were so interested in her, you would have at LEAST texted her when you said you would. I mean really...did you go a month without contacting ANYONE?? Even sick in bed (a cold? Cmon!! Digestive issues?? You had the runs?!?!) you can prob muster the energy to text a woman you are interested in. Just leave her alone. I would think a guy was psycho if he was sending me a letter at work after a month of NC and only 2 dates.

 

Plus if she was soo worried about not being called the next day, she shouldn't have jumped in bed with you on date 2. I mean begging you to keep contact? She sounds like an insecure mess. This situation is best just left alone.

 

And peoples work places should generally be left out of any and all relationship drama. Seriously.

[anne1707]

Whatever you do, do not send a letter to work. For all you know, all post could be opened centrally before being passed on to the appropriate recipient. I am sure she would love you for that

[dasein]

And peoples work places should generally be left out of any and all relationship drama. Seriously.

 

Agreed, generally, but is it really that big a deal to send a single text to an office cellphone? I'm sure she never ever uses that phone for personal use . Her response about "professionalism" was a plain lie, she simply didn't think OP kissed her ass enough with two texts in three weeks and then a phone call, and was being petulant.

 

Moreover, she gave him her card. Perhaps she shouldn't be giving her card out... or sleeping with... relative strangers if she's that fragile and professionally minded?!? Men call women at their work every day for business purposes, and I'm sure for personal reasons as well.

 

Imajerk, i don't see how the fact that women carry babies has anything to do with purely social roles. If anything, it shines more bad light on the woman for ignoring OP's calls because what if she was pregnant and OP was calling to tell her about a positive STD test? It happens.

 

Lots of women seem to think they still have the right to act like babies and get treated like adults, they don't. It's one or the other. A woman who wants to play little HS girl games and ignore men whom you have slept with instead of hearing them out, simply because they took their time calling for whatever reason, is a stupid, frivolous child of a person and deserves what they get and the ways they are perceived.

[Star Gazer]

I don't get it. You were feeling fine enough to have a roll in the hay on your 2nd date, yet the very next day and the following 29 days your health and personal "issues" suddenly became SO great that you couldn't take 5 LOUSY minutes to text or call her after you promised you would?

 

And now you're using every LAME excuse in the book to explain away your crap behavior.

 

You acted like all the other jack-hole user men who tell a woman they're NOT in it just out to get laid - but disappear the second after it happens.

 

A man is only as good as his word. I don't blame her for making you a non-entity in her world.

 

LEARN from this.

 

Ding, ding, ding.

[spookie]

I would be seriously creeped out to receive a letter like that at all, nevermind at the office.

[dwfs20032003]

Thank you so much people for the inputs. I think I should have written my issue in detail to avoid any confusion.

After the 2nd date, a day later I got serious digestive problem due to the bad leftover that I ate from my fridge. I had this for almost a week and that's why I didn't call/text her at all. I was too embarrassed to tell her honestly that I went to the bath room so many times due to my own stupidity. A day after I recovered, I sent her 2 texted messages and she only replied one. On the 1st message, basically I was asking her about her busy schedule so I could adjust mine to her and she never replied this message. (As a note, before 1st date and between 1stdate and 2nd date, she often cancelled the dates because she was very busy with customers until late at night plus she was working on the weekend. I left voice mails twice but she didn't reply on the same day and she usually sent me text messages.) Since my friend had his birthday a few days later, I invited her to the party and she replied right away that she gotta work on the weekend. I then replied back politely that I hope she had good customers.

Due to the flu season, I was catching this from my co-worker so I got beaten up pretty badly for 2 weeks. Well, not only that but I got pressure from the customers so I was pretty stressed out. I also had failures with my personal business projects and commodity trading so I felt like an absolute failure. To relieve my stress, I drank alcohol frequently and coincidentally mixed up with nyquil to reduce my coughing at the same time. I often wanted to share these issues with her but I didn't have the gut to tell her about my problems.

Well, since I got plenty of inputs especially from the ladies, I've decided not to send an apology letter to her.

[crazylove]

Sounds like you may not be in a good place to pursue anything at this time anyway...

[dwfs20032003]

1. If she didn't want pure NSA sex she should have made it clear BEFORE DOING IT on the second date, not after. Dwfs, you have done absolutely nothing wrong here based on what you posted in your OP. Nada. Whatever you do, do not send an apology of any type.

 

2. Last I checked, the year is 2012. A woman who works at an office job and has sex on second dates is a woman who can pick up her phone and call a man she wants to see again. The days of demanding that all male obligations of the old social order remain while no female obligations do, but all female advantages remain are o-ver. Don't like that ladies? Tough. Time to grow up and behave like rational adults or be treated like children, Choice is yours.

 

But of course her is entitled to act like a widdie biddie babee with the phone games, ignoring his texts and calls, imperiously pronouncing some BS about not sending her a text on her work phone, of course her is...

 

3. OP to reiterate, you did nothing wrong. It's pretty plain she wasn't interested, changed her mind sometime after the NSA sex, or she would have replied to one of the texts you sent her. Instead of telling you she wasn't interested like an adult, she decided to play the "petulant child" card they love to fall back on when their precious asses aren't kissed just right. You may have waited a little long to contact due to your illness, but that doesn't excuse her childish behavior in ignoring your contact attempts.

 

Some of the replies here are outrageous IMO. Next time you get laid out in bed, let us know how many social calls you feel like making. He texted her twice, she didn't respond. The end.

 

Hi Dasein,

I think you just hit my brain with your comment and thank you for this. In regards to NSA sex, I told her in the beginning that I am currently not looking for any serious relationship. She said the same thing and so I thought that we were in the same page. After sex, she kept on asking me whether or not I would see her again and contact her. I told her yes and that's why after being sick, I texted her a week later in regards to her schedule. I think you are correct that she should make an effort to contact me at least once if she's really into me. Now, I am afraid that I was there before to fill her void.

Based on my past experiences, women would at least contact me once if they're really interested to see me again.

[dwfs20032003]

Sounds like you may not be in a good place to pursue anything at this time anyway...

You are correct. I think I need to spend at least a month re-thinking my life before I pursue any women whether it is for NSA or serious relationship.