Choosing porn over sex?

[cicamaca]

My fiance has never had a lot of sex before our relationship, but has always been in love with porn, as have I. The thing is we used to have an amazing sex life and now it's in decline. He's stressed with school but still watches a lot of porn. He doesn't jerk off (maybe one or two times when I'm gone for a week just to concentrate on a paper he's doing). Could him being mentally stimulated with porn all day cause him to not want to be sexually intimate with me? Or is it possible he's just got a low sex drive these days from stress?

 

He doesn't think he has a problem, and he said he's not willing to change his behavior.. I don't want this to ruin our relationship. Any advice would be great.

 

Also, he's not cheating and all other areas of our relationship is amazing. :/

[KathyM]

I think most women would not accept it if their SO preferred porn over the real thing with them. That's quite a rejection if a guy prefers watching videos of other people having sex instead of preferring to have it himself in real life.

[cicamaca]

The thing that is confusing me though is he isn't getting off. It's not like he's jerking off and not touching me. We're both in our early twenties but have completely different sex drives. Mine is high and his has always been low. I guess it didn't show because we saw each other less. I'm just desperate because we had a nasty argument tonight.

[Radu]

I actually see 2 major problems in your post.

1 - he watches too much porn, i suspect he simply doesn't realise how much time it takes of his life. If you guys have good communication you might want to make an exercise with him, have him write down when he starts watching porn and when he stops ... every day. The results might shock him.

porn in itself is not the problem, addiction is about losing control.

2 - you write that you have different sex drives. This will not work.

If he has lower sex drive, he will simply 'give' you sex at the beginning of the relationship to keep you satisfied, and then as time goes on ... it will reduce in frequency.

You will ask for more, and this will affect the selfesteem (for both). He will start feeling a bit less like a man, and you will feel rejected.

Eventually, either he will leave, or you will repress your needs for a while, untill they blow up (affair ?).

Nasty scenario, right ?

What's worse is that if you are in your early 20's, as a woman you will experience a surge in your sexdrive when you reach 30, and in your 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy ... what will you do then ?

 

PS: Giving sex for something in return in a relationship is a recipe of disaster ... doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, never do it.

[wwwjd]

Why? It's an advantage for you. Instead of having messy icky sex you can take a hot bath with scented candles surrounding it and read a book. Most women would prefer that over getting an icky cum shooting penis penetrated into them.

 

 

wow, what?? hahahahahhaaha Dumbest thing I've read here today. Next you are going to say MOST women prefer sex with another women than a man.

(see other thread to see what I did there )

 

Why are you posting here? Just to push a gay agenda?

[wwwjd]

Sorry about that. Back on topic: yeah... don't put up with that.

 

...I once had this AMAZING relationship with this girl, EVERYTHING was great. Oh, except she'd always kill puppies infront of small children... other than THAT it was amazing.

 

...I have a recipe for the most AMAZING brownies ever. They taste so great almost all the time. Sometimes, you can taste the cat turds that are cooked in, but not very often. Mostly, they are amazing all the time.

 

ah, the joys of anologies. you get my point

[somedude81]

Choosing porn over sex is just really weird. I look at porn 2-3 times a day, every day, and I can't wait for when I can actually put it away and have a real girl to play with.

The thing that is confusing me though is he isn't getting off. It's not like he's jerking off and not touching me. We're both in our early twenties but have completely different sex drives. Mine is high and his has always been low. I guess it didn't show because we saw each other less. I'm just desperate because we had a nasty argument tonight.

It doesn't sound like something that's going to change.

 

Depending on how important sex is to you, you may be better off finding a guy with a higher sex drive.

[quietGuy13]

wow, what?? hahahahahhaaha Dumbest thing I've read here today. Next you are going to say MOST women prefer sex with another women than a man.

(see other thread to see what I did there )

 

Why are you posting here? Just to push a gay agenda?

 

That's actually true. WOMEN PREFER WOMEN. And i've said it time after time.

Women are born to love women, they just molded by society to think that they want men.

 

Many of them these days are realizing that they love women so that's why we see more and more.

 

So yeah, point is WOMEN LOVE WOMEN

[LZ2000]

My fiance has never had a lot of sex before our relationship, but has always been in love with porn, as have I. The thing is we used to have an amazing sex life and now it's in decline. He's stressed with school but still watches a lot of porn. He doesn't jerk off (maybe one or two times when I'm gone for a week just to concentrate on a paper he's doing). Could him being mentally stimulated with porn all day cause him to not want to be sexually intimate with me? Or is it possible he's just got a low sex drive these days from stress?

 

He doesn't think he has a problem, and he said he's not willing to change his behavior.. I don't want this to ruin our relationship. Any advice would be great.

 

Also, he's not cheating and all other areas of our relationship is amazing. :/

 

To be honest, I think he doesn't have any problems with you, but he may be bored, tired and jaded with sex indirectly. Or perhaps the "physical aspect" of it.

[veggirl]

In a relationship no one should be looking at porn "all day". I wouldn't be okay with my BF looking at it daily when we are sexually active! Esp if it is interfering in YOUR sex life. Beyond that, the differing sex drives is going to kill your R long term anyway... you shouldn't be marrying someone you differ on opinion in: sex, $$, family.

[wwwjd]

That's actually true. WOMEN PREFER WOMEN. And i've said it time after time.

Women are born to love women, they just molded by society to think that they want men.

 

Many of them these days are realizing that they love women so that's why we see more and more.

 

So yeah, point is WOMEN LOVE WOMEN

 

Are you reading what you are typing here? Do you know "LOVE" and "SEXING" are completely different things?

 

YES Women can LOVE women. And men can LOVE men. I love my brother and my dad dearly, but I don't have SEX with them. Women can LOVE women also without sex.

 

That other person was talking about SEX.

 

If >>MOST<< women prefer other women sexually, wouldn't well, probably most relationships be girl-girl instead of girl-guy? I don't care what gays tell you, heterosexuality is alive and well and IS that MAJORITY. Not MOST or ALL women want sex from other women. That is just insane. And they are not even designed to FIT together. I'm sorry it couldn't be more obvious. There are only two sexes, not 3 not 8, two.

 

Where do people get this stuff? Am I on the wrong planet again????

[veggirl]

Are you reading what you are typing here? Do you know "LOVE" and "SEXING" are completely different things?

 

YES Women can LOVE women. And men can LOVE men. I love my brother and my dad dearly, but I don't have SEX with them. Women can LOVE women also without sex.

 

That other person was talking about SEX.

 

If >>MOST<< women prefer other women sexually, wouldn't well, probably most relationships be girl-girl instead of girl-guy? I don't care what gays tell you, heterosexuality is alive and well and IS that MAJORITY. Not MOST or ALL women want sex from other women. That is just insane. And they are not even designed to FIT together. I'm sorry it couldn't be more obvious. There are only two sexes, not 3 not 8, two.

 

Where do people get this stuff? Am I on the wrong planet again????

 

You're responding to a troll dude.

[somedude81]

You're responding to a troll dude.

quietGuy13 isn't a troll, he's just.....different.

[Feelin Frisky]

wow, what?? hahahahahhaaha Dumbest thing I've read here today. Next you are going to say MOST women prefer sex with another women than a man.

(see other thread to see what I did there )

 

Why are you posting here? Just to push a gay agenda?

 

Sounds like the troll we have known as "wayne brady" and a half dozen other names over the last year or so. Don't feed him. He gets to about 60 posts before he is found out and then comes back with the same line in a new disguise.

[wwwjd]

k my bad. Im kinda new here. I did look at thir other replies and some seemed on the level. thanks for pointing it out

[Radu]

Welcomed to the internets, may i recommend a slice of 4chan for desert ?