SushiX Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Yes, this is quite normal for me. No matter how great things are from the beginning, eventually the flame dies down and I get bored. But I probably have ADHD, so I might be an exception and I like banging different sloots.
WildHorses Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 What do you mean by "he pushed me to be the best i could be?" Do you mean that: 1. you admired parts of his qualities/accomplishments/personality that you didn't have (or weren't at your best) and as such you decided to push yourself to be the best you can be in the those areas? 2. he would be interested in your interests/goals in life and then he would tell (ie. push) you how to improve/fix those areas of your life to be the best you can be? 3. he pointed out your weaknesses, made you feel bad about yourself, and you would respond by wanting to improve yourself to try and be the best you can be (and try to win his approval)? Westrock, Thank you for responding, and I should do some clarifying... He was good for me in ways, that he would push me to challenge myself to succeed/be a better person. He was a great supporter to my schooling for example. At times, I felt like giving up, and he would motivate me, lead me on the right path to keep going. He would challenge my thoughts and feelings. I liked that. Same with 2. He did push me to improve/fix those areas in my life. He would point out weaknesses. When he made me feel bad though, which he did, that part I did not enjoy. We obviously are not together, we remain friends, but we had other issues in that relationship which is why we are not together. We were good in the way that we both challenged each other in positive ways. That I liked. We did take an interest in each other's activities as well. And, we did like sex... That was more in response to Prune when he was talking about sex instead of drama, I believe.
veggirl Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 If you yourself have a full, engaging life then you will naturally be pulled from your SO at times. If you have the time to literally spend every night / day you aren't at work with your SO then yeah you'll get bored because you literally have no life. That's not the SO or relationships fault, that's your (general you) fault for being such a lamer. 1
SpiralOut Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 If you yourself have a full, engaging life then you will naturally be pulled from your SO at times. If you have the time to literally spend every night / day you aren't at work with your SO then yeah you'll get bored because you literally have no life. That's not the SO or relationships fault, that's your (general you) fault for being such a lamer. This. My ex was bored all the time in his relationship with me because all he wanted to do when he wasn't working was spend time with me or watch TV. It was super stressful to feel as though someone expected me to be his source of entertainment. I think it's good to want time for yourself to work on your hobbies or personal interests. Spending time away from your partner to do your own thing will ultimately make you more interesting to be around the next time you spend time together.
LZ2000 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 It was super stressful to feel as though someone expected me to be his source of entertainment. Hmmmmmmmm. This statement gave me some food for thought.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 For someone who doesn't want to get married, you sure care about monogamy (for the most part). Just because I don't believe in marriage doesn't mean I believe in all the opposite. I still think having a partner and a relationship is good. I just don't think you need to marry to prove you love each other and want to be together. Yes, this is quite normal for me. No matter how great things are from the beginning, eventually the flame dies down and I get bored. But I probably have ADHD, so I might be an exception and I like banging different sloots. The flame always dies down, but to the point of "needing" time apart because you are getting sick of them? The reason this is strange for is because even in my longest relationship (2 1/2 years) I not once got bored of my partner. Not ONCE. Then again, the following made a lot of sense: If you yourself have a full, engaging life then you will naturally be pulled from your SO at times. If you have the time to literally spend every night / day you aren't at work with your SO then yeah you'll get bored because you literally have no life. That's not the SO or relationships fault, that's your (general you) fault for being such a lamer. This holds true. This guy has his own company and doesn't work all day. He's pretty much at home most of the time. And since HE is the one who suggested this "time apart" thing, it would make sense what you are saying. Also several posters are saying it's your fault if the relationship is boring, because you should't depend on your SO to entertain you. I'm surprised this even came up. It has nothing to do with entertainment. That's what the movies and boardgames are for (yes I play boardgames, it's absolutely so much fun!). An SO should be someone you look forward to seeing and telling things about your week. I feel that forcing yourself to miss them means you wouldn't miss them normally, which in turn tells me that you don't really love them. I guess it's true what everyone is saying, it's very subjective. People are different and require different things. Some need more time to themselves than others. That makes sense.
RiverRunning Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I very much think it's normal. When I was living with my ex, I would routinely go off a few nights a week to hang out with my friends. Every then and again I'd stay at a friend's place. A few times a year, he'd go away for the weekend for hobby-related conventions. For me personally, I think one or two weekends away every month might be a little much, but a little time away is great. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Even when you're in a relationship, you do need space to grow independently.
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 frustratedstandards: reading your original thread and not the responses, i have to say this is common but very stupid. women dont realise it takes work to be in a relationship. guys now are fed up with it and do the same thing to women. you cannot have everything on happy pills. fact. you have to make the relationship interesting. there is no such thing as boring, if it is then really, you dont have the attention span AT ALL or have understanding. FACT. i find these people, which are common, just so stupid and dont really deserve to live - sorry. the fact is, you CAN have a relationship and you CAN make it work but "work" is too much "effort" for women. its all about looks and appearance and getting as many guys as possible and playing games. playing games is never boring for women, which is pathetic really.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 This was introduced to me by men, not women. The people I know who want to do this, who are "stupid" and "don't deserve to live" are men, not their girlfriends. Fact
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 so you, by your own past threads, want a wealthy attractive man to provide for you in every way you deem fit, but you don't believe in marriage. how do you plan to reel one in if not the fear of divorce? it's pretty common for women to need to hear that the guy they're waiting on doesn't exist. in reality he probably does exist most of the time, it's just highly unlikely that they'll get him, so it's a more polite way of giving them a light push toward the truth. in your case, really, he doesn't exist, you can take that to the bank (pun intended).
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 If two people have very little in common and base their relationship solely on emotional and/or physical connection, how do you suppose they manage to keep each other entertained for extended durations, once the initial infatuation period wears off? This is why it's important to have an intellectual connection too. Also, when married couples are together for years, particularly if they have kids, they stop doing things together without their children. This is why I strongly encourage people to have date nights together, as often as possible but no less than twice a month. I also recommend nights out with friends, without your partner. All your free time together can kill relationships since you don't have any space. As far as a couple of weeks or a month on a break time, if you need that much space away from each other, you're not well suited. But I'm personally not averse to separate vacations, if you don't have children.
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