raurp2f Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I've been with my gf about 6 years now. Basically everynight after work we are just always in opposite rooms. Maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks we might watch a movie or a show I record that I think we'll both like. Other than that all we do together is shopping like grocery shopping or run errands. I would prefer to do things outside, but we always end up sitting inside because I don't want to do things by myself typically. Other than the typical errands we may spend 3 hours per week actually hanging out together. It just seems wierd.
january2011 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 It wouldn't be enough for me. Though I'm sure that for some couples three hours a week would be a gift. What matters though is that it's not enough for you and you're not doing things together that you both enjoy. I suspect that you've hit a 'comfortable' phase in your LTR where you've fallen into a routine/rut and your only interaction is the mundane everyday errands that LTR couples partake in. Some people are satisfied with the mundane errands, but if you're not, you need to say something. Try to plan some activities and invite him along. Try to get involved in his interests. If none of these attempts to spend more time together work out then it may be that your interests have diverged so much that you've grown apart and are no longer compatible anymore.
Pyro Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 not good IMO. You need to make sure to keep some passion in your relationship if you wish for it to continue for the long haul. Make some time together.....a date night for example.
Author raurp2f Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I'm the guy in the relationship. There is basically no intimacy honestly. We've had sex about 6 times in the entire time we've been together. I've mentioned that I feel like we're roommates many times and nothing has changed. I also get tired of having to plan everything. Basically I plan all dinners, movies, few activities like going to concerts or shows that happen maybe 2 times a year. I took her to NYC for valentines day and she didn't even give me a card, which bothers me too.
january2011 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I'm the guy in the relationship. Oops, sorry about that. I think it's worth talking to her if you feel that there's something still worth saving. Though it does sound like she's not pulling her weight and this relationship isn't fulfilling your needs.
Pyro Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I'm the guy in the relationship. There is basically no intimacy honestly. We've had sex about 6 times in the entire time we've been together. I've mentioned that I feel like we're roommates many times and nothing has changed. I also get tired of having to plan everything. Basically I plan all dinners, movies, few activities like going to concerts or shows that happen maybe 2 times a year. I took her to NYC for valentines day and she didn't even give me a card, which bothers me too. the info that you have shared with us you may want to communicate with her. You are obviously not that happy with how things are and something major needs to change. The longer you wait the harder it will be to see results.
Author raurp2f Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 It's okay, I'm just not sure what to talk to her about. We've had the talks many times about how I think it's weird that we do basically nothing together. We're in our mid 20's and have basically no sex. I've told her several times over the years that I feel like roommates.
Pyro Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 That is a tough call. Six years is a long time and you deserve happiness in your relationship. I suggested the date night already, but perhaps there is some sort of hobby/activity that the two of you can take up together. That way you will interact more. After trying that and communicating with her....if nothing changes for the better, then you may want to reconsider the relationship.
Author raurp2f Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 the info that you have shared with us you may want to communicate with her. You are obviously not that happy with how things are and something major needs to change. The longer you wait the harder it will be to see results. We've talked about all the things I've listed here many times. I suppose I can do it again, but nothing typically changes. I feel like I've given up to a point actually.
Pyro Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 We've talked about all the things I've listed here many times. I suppose I can do it again, but nothing typically changes. I feel like I've given up to a point actually. Depending on how hard you want to try (considering you have tried already) have you considered a relationship counselor? Just an idea.
Author raurp2f Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I've never considered counseling. I could bring up the idea to her. We just have so little romance or time together that I'm not sure it's worth it. I'm her first bf so maybe she just doesn't know what she wants.
jorgie4 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 We've talked about all the things I've listed here many times. I suppose I can do it again, but nothing typically changes. I feel like I've given up to a point actually. Sounds like your relationship may have run its course then in that case? Maybe if you talk to her about ending it, she will realise that you are not ok with living like this. Maybe she's just trying her luck to see how long you stick around for. And if she happily walks away, then you'll have your answer. You deserve more.
Author raurp2f Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Sounds like your relationship may have run its course then in that case? Maybe if you talk to her about ending it, she will realise that you are not ok with living like this. Maybe she's just trying her luck to see how long you stick around for. And if she happily walks away, then you'll have your answer. You deserve more. We've actually both talked about not being happy. I've told her before that we just maybe shouldn't be together and she got upset about that. I've told her things need to change, but they just haven't. I suppose I can give her another chance, but this just seems to be going on too long. And the no sex/romance really bothers me. It's like we're in high school and only do hj's. Also the no valentines thing after I spent a lot on a lavish valentines gift.
jorgie4 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 If I was in your situation, I would end it. I have a theory - if I'm not happy with a situation I'm in, and I have tried to improve it, I take myself out of it. Minor, or even major details aside, that's what I do. Good luck. Relationships are not easy! I often see people putting themselves through so much stress and unhappiness just to hold onto something that may well have run its course...
Howsoonisnow Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Don't let things get boring. I wouldnt be able to stand it. You've been together for 6 years obviously theres something very RIGHT - you should find something NEW that you both can do/enjoy. Making the time for these things is so important. Keep the love and passion alive, don't just let things go unsaid!! I've been with my gf about 6 years now. Basically everynight after work we are just always in opposite rooms. Maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks we might watch a movie or a show I record that I think we'll both like. Other than that all we do together is shopping like grocery shopping or run errands. I would prefer to do things outside, but we always end up sitting inside because I don't want to do things by myself typically. Other than the typical errands we may spend 3 hours per week actually hanging out together. It just seems wierd.
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