xpanda Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Okay, long story short but my first real relationship was with the guy I'm dating now. We've broken up once for about 3 years and now he's out of the army and he started talking to me again. He was the one that broke up with me the first time, and it was high school drama kinda stuff. I was 18 and just out of high school and he was 17 and left me for a girl he had met at school, etc. My problem is he's not very affectionate. He's actually kinda mean now. I don't know what happened while he was in the army but he doesn't hardly look me in the eye when we talk, I always have to ask for a kiss or try to give him one. And he makes rude comments about my body sometimes. He mentions he likes blondes, the girl he left me for was blonde. I have black hair. I don't understand why or how you say you want to be with someone, but you never show that person any affectionate. But when I ask for him to show me any, he kinda huffs about it. I've tried talking to him about this several times and he says he's working on it. I had to make him a deal to quit smoking for more kisses. I understand it may be a turn off for him, but why should I have to make a deal with my boyfriend to get him to kiss me more often? I don't understand what's going on really. I just need some enlightenment and another persons perspective. It just makes me feel unattractive when he acts the way he does and I don't know what to do. Sorry if this was kinda all over the place.
january2011 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 He doesn't seem to be meeting your needs other than that of having a boyfriend. Whatever happened to him in the army is a poor excuse to refuse to meet your emotional needs and needs for affection. I have every sympathy for military personnel who have witnessed and experienced traumatic events. However, neither you nor he can keep producing the excuse that he's been in the army and that gives him free reign to treat those around him badly. It's a very one-sided and unsatisfying relationship when it's all about just one partner's needs. If he doesn't show he loves you in other ways, such as spending a lot of time with you or doing things to help you out, I think it's time to consider what you're actually getting out of this relationship by being with him. Can you imagine yourself staying with him for years and his continuing to behave in this way? Do you imagine that kind of future with a smile on your face or is there a sinking feeling of sadness? 1
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