underthemilkyway6 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Hello not meaning to be judgemental at all with the title of this thread just totally lost as men I date don't seem to give feedback. This is the 3rd time it happens to me but I would appreciate advice from men (and women) on my last experience (which was WAY worse than the previous 2).. I started mailing with a guy met through a dating site few months ago and soon we began to chat 2-3 times a week (with videocam). Nothing sexual just getting to know each other. We'd spend hours chatting and he was so eager that for months he'd write me 2-3 mails per day. I clearly had to tell him more than once how much I appreciated his mails but couldn't possibly reply to each of them daily!!! After 2 months he wrote me he considered himself as in a relationship with me already (to which I replied we weren't 'cos we had never met in real life yet) and on 3rd month (of not having met yet...) he wanted me to move at his place. He said he felt he knew me already but i am by nature pretty aloof. We live at the border of 2 different states so easy to meet yet required planning if u see what I mean. Once I wrote him I was going to be in his area (true as I have friends there) and if he wanted to meet but he seemed to back off. He kept a low profile for 2 weeks then started writing me again 2-3 times per day. He seemed to become uneasy with videochatting but when i proposed to he made himself available to talk. 4 months later I wrote him the dates I'd be in his area and he seemed eager to meet me. Then he wrote me an "oops" mail when I was in his area to say he forgot he had his kids staying over a full week (the week I was there) but said he'd do his best to meet me. I found it a strange coincidence as he only has his kids over once every 2 weekends and he knew I was coming that week. So we met. He drove 90 kms to see me, we had a sweet first date (I wasn't head over heels but liked him as a person and thought something could develop with time). He then went out of his way to meet me again as often as possible during that week I was there (4 days out of 7 I was there driving 90 kms each time to see me) and drove me to many areas to show me around. He dropped his kids at his brother's for 3 nights and asked me not to judge me for that...(?!) and we took a trip up north. Since we drove such distances we spent a couple of nights in motels (sharing same room and bed but nothing happened except for kisses...I'm not prude but since he didn't hesitate to tell me he was in love with me after the 1st night spent together I wanted to test if his feelings were genuine...never was quite convinced. But we hugged and kissed and fell asleep in each other's arms). The 3rd night we spent together I was really tired after hours of driving and wasn't so talkative and he immediately got defensive saying he should drive me back the next day as he didn't feel desired and he felt I had other things to do (I had to meet my girl friend at some stage whom I hadn't seen yet but I told him that days before). He then got a call from his ex in front of me and started calling her "darling" in front of me 3-4 times. I ignored that even though it bothered me and I tried to explain to him he misunderstood me and I was just exhausted and didn't understand his reaction but he got aggressive (he also had smoked a lot of pot -I don't smoke btw don't know if that had an influence) and we got nto an argument. I explained things to him over and over calmly, that it had nothing to do with him that I was just tired but he got mad at me and...stormed off the hotel room in the middle of the night (!!!) Never to come back. I was worried about him and called him to see he was ok as he was driving home in the middle of the night (miles to drive) and he accused me of kicking him out. Eventually I took the train back home (he never called me nor worried I was ok nor nything). Stupid that I am I wrote him a long mail to tell him that I didn't like things to end that way and that there had been a misunderstanding. He wrote me back within an hour a very long mail saying he had feelings for me and felt hurt. We videochatted the next day but he seemed uneasy when I asked him questions about his reaction and confronted him about standing me up (he basically did). He said he had to get back to work and had to hang up. I said ok (that's all I said but I was thinking: doesn't he want to fix things if he says he's in love?) and his last sentence was: "I know you suspect I'm up to something other than work but you are paranoid, I seriously have to work but I have to walk on eggshells with you!" I said I ddin't suspect him of anything and we hung up. I wrote him another mail (I told him it was my final mail to him to at least make closure and tell him he misunderstood most of what I did/said) and he never wrote back. One of the last things he told me was that he never wanted a relationship again, that he wasn't good at them and with women and that after 18 yrs with the same woman he didn't know how to behave with women. One month later I find out he is in a relationship. I found that on the net. I can't verify if it is true or not although I don't see why he should make it up. I do know he checked my profiles on the net more than once. Two days ago I deleted him from skype completely and yesterday he wrote he was in a relationship. The above are just facts, it might mean a lot or nothing. I never loved the guy but I am going crazy as I don't understand his behaviour/intentions...was he genuine when he said he was in love with me or was he leading me on while having other women? If he was genuine why disappear like that and one month later he's already in a relationship? And how can he go from asking me to move in with him before meeting me in person to saying he's in love when he meets me to such a weird and bitter end? I feel I was on a rollercoaster, what you think his motives were? I feel I'm going crazy trying to understand, did i do something wrong or...just what happened? I'd be grateful for your opinion as I'm pretty confused and this thing affected my self esteem.
jorgie4 Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 By the sounds of it you've had a lucky escape! He sounds like a right weirdo, who is desperate for attention off any girl who will show it. Asking you to move in so soon I find very strange. Sounds to me like he's just desperate for affection/attention/love and will do whatever it takes to get it. I wouldn't think it's anything you've done personally...put it down to experience and move on.
Author underthemilkyway6 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 By the sounds of it you've had a lucky escape! He sounds like a right weirdo, who is desperate for attention off any girl who will show it. Asking you to move in so soon I find very strange. Sounds to me like he's just desperate for affection/attention/love and will do whatever it takes to get it. I wouldn't think it's anything you've done personally...put it down to experience and move on. Thanks! Your comment puts things into perspective. I'm trying not to take it personally but it's tough after such a treatment and zero feedback from his side. It's also not helping that he replaced me so soon, it kinda gets you wondering what you couldn't do that a new woman can do! Not into competition whatsoever but it's partly an attempt to learn from this experience. hope he can treat her with more respect than he treated me. You're so right I had a lucky escape ha ha!
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