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My ex contacted me


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Posted (edited)

My ex contacted me today at midnight asking if I had heard the new song by Madonna. I haven't spoken to her in weeks and since we both loved Madonna I said yes I heard the song and bought her album. She asked me how I have been and I told her school,work tired alot but I am doing okay. She said that is good sweetie! She texted me again saying I am so sorry I didn't mean to disturb your slumber have a good night sweets. She has a boyfriend one she lives with by the way so why is is texting me late at night asking me if I heard the latest Madonna song? Personally I cannot stop thinking why is she bothering me and acting like we are chums? Forgive me for thinking this but if she loves her boyfriend so much shouldn't she not be bothering me? I know we both like Madonna and perhaps her boyfriend doesn't like Madonna but texting me at midnight and talking about Madonna is very odd. Can some fellow chaps or ladies help me and try to figure this one out please?

Edited by Randybrandt
Posted (edited)

She wants to maintain connection.

Perhaps for selfish reasons like to prevent you from moving forward or because she's lonely, or perhaps because she'd like to try again.

Which sounds more plausible?

You know her better than we do, and the circumstances surrounding your break-up.

 

Is she the type to want a back-burner dude?

Is she wishy-washy? A cake eater? A fence-sitter?

 

And forget Madonna for a minute.

How do you feel about this woman so cavalierly dropping into your life (at midnight no less), ringing you up like you're an all-night pizza parlor, though she's sleeping with another man?

 

Forget what this means.

How do you feel?

Edited by cerridwen
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Confused is how I feel at the moment. She walked out of my life several months ago and left me for someone else and I loved her so dearly! If she doesn't love me anymore and we are not chums I left her alone and was trying to push forward and here she comes again asking about a song at midnight and if she doesn't love me, doesn't want to be my chum why even bother? She chose him over me so why contact me? I have been having a rough couple of weeks because of school and seeing that text was nice but at the same time it also left me confused. I know she doesn't want to rekindle any old feelings she made that when she told me how happy she was with her new boyfriend a month or so ago and I know she is still happy with him because I saw her twitter and she had a photo of herself with him on her profile picture and it seemed recent because the last time I saw her twitter photo it was just a picture of her cat.

Edited by Randybrandt
Posted
Confused is how I feel at the moment. She walked out of my life several months ago and left me for someone else and I loved her so dearly! If she doesn't love me anymore and we are not chums I left her alone and was trying to push forward and here she comes again asking about a song at midnight and if she doesn't love me, doesn't want to be my chum why even bother? She chose him over me so why contact me? I have been having a rough couple of weeks because of school and seeing that text was nice but at the same time it also left me confused.

 

Oh, she's got some nerve, then.

She made her decision.

All rights to you are denied.

Her loss.

 

Here's what I suggest: No more accepting contact.

No more accepting texts, calls, FB messages, nothing.

No contact is the best way to heal, to get back to feeling whole, to have space in which to experience anger (should you want to).

 

Try to not ruminate on the meaning of her text.

It's a pointless exercise.

It's difficult when you're feeling tender, I know.

But fact is, in order to move forward, stumbling blocks like contact, should be removed.

 

If you haven't already, read through some of the No Contact guides.

They helped me when I found LS while recovering from a broken heart.

It took me several months after which, I was mostly my self again, and definitely in a better place.

Posted (edited)

She is selfish, wants an ego stroke, and perhaps wants you as some sort of friend. That may relieve any guilt she has also. People can like, and be friends with, more than one person. Don't read more into this than is there. That's why the no contact guide tells you that unless they say they want to try again, anything else is just a bread crumb.

Edited by Frank13
Posted

She's missing something from her new relationship and is very selfish to drop those breadcrumbs to you. That is exactly like the formula my ex used on me when he contacted me last Summer---I ignored. His text was "Hi!! Storm's brewing and those windchimes you bought me are really sounding beautfiul...How are you by the way? I heard you are with someone new and hope you're happy:)"-----don't know where he 'heard' this information. But a way to get to me is the nic he used to call me--which he stopped when the abuse started, and of course windchimes was our thing.

 

Ignore and no more responding to your ex who is flirting with you and messing with your head. You don't need that crap. What kind of person is with someone and texting someone else and calling them 'sweets', etc.? Think about that.

  • Author
Posted

I will ignore her now. What are breadcrumbs? I know what a ego stroke is but what is a breadcrumb? Ignore,ignore I must!

Posted

Bread crumbs are little bits of attention thrown a person's way, just as one throws bread crumbs to pigeons.

 

Consider making ignoring her easier by blocking her number or changing yours.

 

You can do it, Randy.

Good luck!

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Thank you for the clarification. My ex definitely threw breadcrumbs in my direction and I gobbled them up like a fool:sick: She knew how to stroke her ego maybe she wasn't attention enough attention from the beau so she decided out of boredom she needed a ego stroke and decided to text dear old me and I fell for it Randy,Randy,Randy:sick:. I bet she will continue to keep doing this over and over again now that I understand the full meaning of breadcrumbs. I feel sorry for the chap who thinks she likes him but she is still coming after me for breadcrumbs clearly she is messed up. Poor chap...... I mean I still hate what my girlfriend did to me by leaving me but I do feel sorry for the chap he doesn't know what he got himself into.

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