naughtyowl Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 My GF dumped me over what I can only describe as a jealous name-calling rage, then proceeded to tell me that everything I am is a lie and her pain is all my fault. It's been 6 months since the BU and I'm ready to move on, but there are somethings I need help with... She's always the first to admit that she has depression, debilitating anxiety issues, and extremely low self esteem. Despite that, I really loved her and wanted to be with her. I thought my unconditional love and support would only help. I was, however, reluctant to move forward in the relationship and make a strong commitment, mostly because she seemed convinced that it was the answer to her problems, that it would cure her. She would say things like how she had no hope or desire of ever being content with herself, let alone anything resembling "self love". Then she'd say the only thing she had going in this world was that she and I were together and that I loved her, but the fact that I couldn't move forward with a marriage proposal, kids or simply living together was proof that I never loved her at all and I was simply being cruel, teasing her the entire time. I've always trusted my instincts and they were merely telling me "be careful, move slowly, it'll get better" and this was the attitude I took throughout the relationship. We were working on becoming more emotionally intimate and we both agreed that seeing a couples counselor might help. I did start to realize that I was walking on egg shells and that any slight imperfection would set her off into one of her doom-and-gloom storms. I was even scolded for being too kind and gentle, that it was all just a fake attempt to look like the "nice guy". Near the end she would scream loudly at me and become physically aggressive, distorting my words beyond recognition and using them as weapons. She'd say she was simply a passionate women and I was crazy to think she should be OK with my behavior. I won't fight fire with fire, I don't believe in that, and in her eyes that was probably just more proof that I didn't care at all... Was I kidding myself that this would work? Was it really cruel of me to be optimistic about our future but wanting to take it slow and work on our issues first? If I lie so much so that I lie to myself, how do I find the truth within me and keep from hurting others with selfish deceit? Like I said, I'm ready to move on. I've asked for forgiveness long ago and she knows how to contact me. I don't feel there's anything more I can do for her and I think I've finally come to terms with that. Ultimately I want to become more aware of myself and how I treat others. Criticism is welcome. Thanks for your time.
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