jnd Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I've caught him in one too many lies, a lot have been lately. I've caught a lot of them more often recently by reading his texts. I've told him most of the lies/issues I've had with him that make me mad are because "people talk" so he doesn't know I'm doing it. The last one was I told him an old coworker saw him downtown when he told me he was at his business partner's house, which I had actually found out by his texts. He left his facebook open one night and I also read old messages and found something I wasn't happy about. Yesterday I think he caught on while he was asleep next to me on the couch at like 8 pm. I tried to sneak a peek, figuring it was risky which it was- when he woke up and took his phone all I could get out was "it was bothering me". I checked his phone this morning and all texts were deleted except from me and his business partner (which he never deletes texts from anyone, at least he hasn't for months). So, is it ok to go through his texts? Facebook (I don't know his password for fb, he's barely on anyway, but I still did it)?
GorillaTheater Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 If you're just dating, and you trust him this little, my advice is to move on. 3
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 No, it's never okay to violate someone's privacy. If you think you need to snoop, therein lies the issue. Either you are insecure, or they are not trustworthy. Either way, it's not a healthy relationship and it should end.
mesmerized Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Break up with him. What's this need for drama people have? jesus. You don't trust him, break up with him, SIMPLE!
Author jnd Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 It's not that easy to just "break up". We've been together 7 years and have a house together. I started it due to other issues which can be found in my post "Lying, Controlling, ahh!!" in this same section. I suppose I am insecure, but only due to his untrustworthy-ness. May I add I don't think someone else is in the picture, it's just my curiousity as to how much he's lied to me, to know for myself how much he's doing it.
veggirl Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 You don't "have a house together". HE has a house and you live in it with him. You're 24 and your BF is a complete liar who is at LEAST having an emotional affair (prob physical, let's be real), why not get out when you are young and go find a guy who doesn't treat you like total crap and try to make YOU feel bad when HE lies. 1
Author jnd Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 What do you mean by 'emotional' affair...can you elaborate please?
phineas Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 After my now ex-wife, if I ever felt in my gut something was off with a woman I just ended it. If what is or isn't in someone's phone is going to determine if you trust them or not, then it's already over.
OhHey Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 No, it will drive you nuts.... Sorry, but if my relationship centered around being paranoid and having to check text and emails in secret to make sure he is not lying.....Ehhhh Screw that.... I'd hang up my towel.
mixwell Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 No it's not okay to read his txts or snoop while his FB is open, it's quite immature and makes you sound VERY insecure. If you don't trust him enough to invade his privacy then you need to just move on or learn to be more secure and confident. Nothing worse to me as a male than a chick I'm with snooping around, it reeks of insecurity and disrespect to me..
HHC Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 It's not that easy to just "break up". We've been together 7 years and have a house together. I started it due to other issues which can be found in my post "Lying, Controlling, ahh!!" in this same section. I suppose I am insecure, but only due to his untrustworthy-ness. May I add I don't think someone else is in the picture, it's just my curiousity as to how much he's lied to me, to know for myself how much he's doing it. It is pretty easy to leave someone of 7 years. If you don't feel loved and happy, why stay? Due to a house? Get another one. My husband and I decide what is acceptable and what isn't. For us checking (or more looking at) each others phones isn't an issue. Everything is open for the other to look at or read without any annoyance from the other. If we find something we don't like we discuss it. It's no big deal. After 7 years I wouldn't put up with lies and annoyance
mixwell Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 My husband and I decide what is acceptable and what isn't. For us checking (or more looking at) each others phones isn't an issue. Everything is open for the other to look at or read without any annoyance from the other. If we find something we don't like we discuss it. It's no big deal. After 7 years I wouldn't put up with lies and annoyance Why should you and your husband have to check each other's phone to begin with ? That's just lame, sorry... I was in a 7 year relationship myself from 14-21 and oddly enough I NEVER checked my gfs phone and she never checked mine. You'd assume because we were young that we'd be somewhat insecure it never happened.. Wow I don't know my parents and grandparents every managed to not look at each other's cell phones back in the day. O wait.. I love technology but crap like this is why I hate it, just added drama and insecurity.. If you don't trust someone enough to feel like you have to snoop you shouldn't be with them I don't care if it's 7 years or not..
oldguy Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I've always believed, and still do, that it is NOT okay & that it's a violation of privacy. I also agree with; GorillaTheater If you're just dating, and you trust him this little, my advice is to move on. But I have to add; I've recently read some compelling information that suggests what is on the net is open to the public. Although I.. or someone should start a separate thread on this.
mixwell Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I've always believed, and still do, that it is NOT okay & that it's a violation of privacy. I also agree with; GorillaTheater If you're just dating, and you trust him this little, my advice is to move on. But I have to add; I've recently read some compelling information that suggests what is on the net is open to the public. Although I.. or someone should start a separate thread on this. The OP said she's been with this person 7 years so no they're not just dating.. Does that change the rules ? To me it doesn't..
oldguy Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 The OP said she's been with this person 7 years so no they're not just dating.. Does that change the rules ? To me it doesn't.. Oops, I missed that post. Thanks.
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 No, it's never okay to violate someone's privacy. If you think you need to snoop, therein lies the issue. Either you are insecure, or they are not trustworthy. Either way, it's not a healthy relationship and it should end. ^^ THIS! not only would you breach his trust, you are becoming controlling (you need to sort that out) and you would be breaking some laws involved in privacy! im sure you wouldnt like it if he did that to you now, would you? Answer: no. you would be beating him up and shouting and everything else. dont do something you wouldnt like happening to you
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 So, is it ok to go through his texts? If you and he have agreed to proactive transparency, then yes. He is free to peruse your private correspondence without notice as well. My advice is to start looking for another 'house'. The current one doesn't sound healthy to me.
veggirl Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 The OP said she's been with this person 7 years so no they're not just dating.. Does that change the rules ? To me it doesn't.. Check out her other couple of threads about this. There's a 99% chance he is cheating on her, this isn't like a healthy relationship on the verge of marriage or anything.
HHC Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Why should you and your husband have to check each other's phone to begin with ? That's just lame, sorry... Why should you tell me what works for my husband and I? Why should you tell me what my husband and I should find acceptable in out relationship?
firehawk_1 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Check out her other couple of threads about this. There's a 99% chance he is cheating on her, this isn't like a healthy relationship on the verge of marriage or anything. again with the judgementalism and putting guys down.... typical women behavior im afraid regardless, it is NOT ok to go through other persons things without permission!
veggirl Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 again with the judgementalism and putting guys down.... typical women behavior im afraid regardless, it is NOT ok to go through other persons things without permission! :rolleyes: you're right in that she should not go through his things, rather she should just dump the loser because that's what he is. I'm sorry you clearly didn't read her backstory about this douchebag.
Inci Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 again with the judgementalism and putting guys down.... typical women behavior im afraid .... and you think you are not being judgemental with this comment? There is not such word as 'judgementalism' by the way
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 If you can't trust someone then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with them.
firehawk_1 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 .... and you think you are not being judgemental with this comment? There is not such word as 'judgementalism' by the way but you know what I mean..... and no, im not being judgemental with the comment since there is LOADS of proof and evidence already on these forums alone, and you know VERY WELL the same applies IRL (In Real Life)
Author jnd Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Thanks everyone for the feedback... This is a new thing that I started doing only because he was lying to me about things, and he had me curious as far as what else he was hiding. I've been resisting the urge to look, then again the relationship has been quiet on the homefront since this post. I just need to trust him again but I know it's not going to be easy. I really dont think he's cheating, I just dont want it to end up that way (us be mad at each other, he seeks comfort in the girl we'll call Sally), let alone that girl I mentioned is a friend of both of us. As far as him reading my stuff, I have nothing to hide, my phone and fb are open/around all the time.
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