mattr89 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Alright so long story short I am 22 and have been dating this girl that i absolutely love for 3 years. We had some rocky moments like any relationship but continued to stay together. Lately she has been much more distance and carrying a constant attitude towards me whenever we talk. Things got bad and we broke up. I tried talking to her about it after and she told me she wasnt happy and needed to be happy without me. She told me she needed NC for a while, which i agreed was best for both of us. Not even days later she was already texting me showing her jealousy. Then days later tried asking me to bring her food at work. I told her i was busy and just a few texts later she tells me "I dont want drama, im out with my girls now, lovvee youu:))" I know trying to over analyze things will get me no where and its hard to tell what shes thinking. Im just looking for some advice from an outside perspective on what to do from here. Should I allow her to try to contact me like this and keep it light. Or should i have NC with her for a while in hopes that she will mature and figure out what she wants??
HollyBolly Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Alright so long story short I am 22 and have been dating this girl that i absolutely love for 3 years. We had some rocky moments like any relationship but continued to stay together. Lately she has been much more distance and carrying a constant attitude towards me whenever we talk. Things got bad and we broke up. I tried talking to her about it after and she told me she wasnt happy and needed to be happy without me. She told me she needed NC for a while, which i agreed was best for both of us. Not even days later she was already texting me showing her jealousy. Then days later tried asking me to bring her food at work. I told her i was busy and just a few texts later she tells me "I dont want drama, im out with my girls now, lovvee youu:))" I know trying to over analyze things will get me no where and its hard to tell what shes thinking. Im just looking for some advice from an outside perspective on what to do from here. Should I allow her to try to contact me like this and keep it light. Or should i have NC with her for a while in hopes that she will mature and figure out what she wants?? Sorry to hear about your bu. Almost everyone on here is going to advise you to go NC, mark my words. I, too, am going to advise you to do so. There is something very confusing here. She broke up with you then asked you for food? Also, you're going to have to tell us what the in between txts are. You're leaving those out for a reason and it smells like something rotten. If you want our help, you're going to have to come clean and be honest. Something led to her saying she didn't want drama. What was it? If she truly asked for food and then said she didn't want drama, then she's postal. Forget her. Or there's a new food called drama that I don't know of. I'm a chef.
Author mattr89 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 OKay sorry bout that, after i told her i was busy i didnt hear back from her but it made me feel like she was using me. This was our conversation: Me: "Do me a favor and dont use me to get you food, you know we arent talking." Her: "Just trying to be a cute friend" "sorry i cant try" Me: " your first attempt to trying to be friends is asking me to bring you food... ya nice." Her: "I dont want drama, im out with my girls now, lovvee youu:)"
Nohbody Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Have you read the "No Contact Guide" by Caliguy? try starting there.
HollyBolly Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Me: "Do me a favor and dont use me to get you food, you know we arent talking." But you are talking! Txting back and forth is talking. If you weren't talking, you wouldn't be txting her. Her: "Just trying to be a cute friend" "sorry i cant try" Wtf does that even mean? Me: " your first attempt to trying to be friends is asking me to bring you food... ya nice." She was testing you to see if you would. Don't be surprised if she tried again. This time, ignore her. Her: "I dont want drama, im out with my girls now, lovvee youu:)" Isn't it convenient how they switch it back to its being your fault? You're the drama queen. You're the one who's creating chaos. You're the one who's inconveniencing their lives. If you want rid of this obviously uncaring character, you must go NC. You may tell her to stop contacting you first but that is all. After that, you have to ignore her. And don't think of NC as a tool to get her to miss you and come back to you and all sorts of that ****e. Use it to move on. You're still very young. Go out and have some fun! Meet some new people. Enjoy life! Because before you know it, you're 41 and on LS posting about your NPD ex.
Author mattr89 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 You can see me frustration now. Its as if she doesnt even know what shes doing. Your absolutely right though. I knew i should have stuck to my guns with the NC. She has a history of playing tough and acting out, then real me back in when she sees me moving forward. Thank you for your insight! 1
HollyBolly Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 You can see me frustration now. Its as if she doesnt even know what shes doing. Your absolutely right though. I knew i should have stuck to my guns with the NC. She has a history of playing tough and acting out, then real me back in when she sees me moving forward. Thank you for your insight! You're welcome. Look, 3 years is a long time, especially for someone in their early twenties. I understand how hard it must be to just cut someone who's been in your life for so long out. That being said, it would be worse for you if you kept in contact with her. That is toxic. She'll end up hurting you more. Whenever you feel like contacting her, just come on here and post to your heart's content. We have ALL been there and understand. Good luck with your healing!
Chi townD Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Dude, Her text was very telling. She was trying to be a "cute friend". That tells me that she wants you in the "friend zone"....you know you don't belong there. I agree, she was testing you to ask you to bring her food. She was pulling on the leash to see if the dog was still there. 1
HollyBolly Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Dude, Her text was very telling. She was trying to be a "cute friend". That tells me that she wants you in the "friend zone"....you know you don't belong there. I agree, she was testing you to ask you to bring her food. She was pulling on the leash to see if the dog was still there. mattr..you going to 'arf'? Trust us when we say you should give it up. NOT worth it, hon. 1
Author mattr89 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) haha you guys are right. It made me feel like a dog she was trying to control. Not the actions of someone who "cares." Before i was on the fence about NC but its very clear now there is no breaking it anymore. Thanks for the feedback! Edited April 14, 2012 by mattr89 1
Author mattr89 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 There is also another question I need advice for now. She has my bike and some clothes i would really like back. How to i go about getting these things back?? I tried getting them back after the break up but she was "too busy." She has played this game before where she says she is too busy, so that she can continue holding my stuff almost as collateral. I feel like she is doing this again so im not fully out of her life yet. And advice how to go about getting these things back? or should i wait a while before asking her?
HollyBolly Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 There is also another question I need advice for now. She has my bike and some clothes i would really like back. How to i go about getting these things back?? I tried getting them back after the break up but she was "too busy." She has played this game before where she says she is too busy, so that she can continue holding my stuff almost as collateral. I feel like she is doing this again so im not fully out of her life yet. And advice how to go about getting these things back? or should i wait a while before asking her? Okay, I'm going to answer this question assuming you cannot survive without these items of clothing and bike. - If you have mutual friends, get them to help out, i.e. call her and ask for them back, go pick them up, etc. - Send her an email asking her when it would be a good time to have someone go and pick them up. I know I said NC but you will die without these things, so this email is vital. Keep it short and to the point. Don't mention anything else. - If all else fails, tell the cops. I don't know where you live, but where I am she cannot hold your s**t hostage. It is illegal and you have a right to get them back. Now this is very important: Do not go and pick them up yourself. Get someone else to do it. You don't want to give her an opportunity to wiggle her way back. Hope this helps.
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