ditzchic Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 So I'm kinda seeing this guy that I was "kinda seeing" a few times before. It seems like every year or so we will give it another shot but it never goes anywhere. Anyway, we are working on round 3 now. So the first time we hung out on this new go round he asked me to dinner. We didn't make specific plans he was going to pick me up and see where we ended up to eat. Well he came to my place, parked his car came inside for a second until I finished getting ready. Somehow I ended up driving. I suggested a place to go and he said no he didn't want to go there so he suggested a different place. We went there and the wait was long and he didn't feel like waiting so he suggested another place about a 20 minute drive in the direction that we just came from. On the way there he changed his mind again. He wanted to go to a different place but it was close by so it was ok. Whatever. The next weekend he wanted to go to dinner and a movie. I was trying to avoid having dinner with him but he insisted telling me that he knew this great little italian place that I would love. I accepted. On our way to this italian place he tells me he changed his mind and didn't want to go there anymore. They have slow service. Whatever. He asked if I wanted to go to Applebee's by the mall instead. Who the hell ever wants to go to Applebee's ever on a date?!?!?!? But I went. After the movie date he suggested that this weekend we should have a tennis match (I'm a tennis fiend). I told him that would be cool and we would catch up during the week to nail down plans. Well I texted him a little earlier to let him know what my schedule looks like for the weekend if he still wanted to do tennis. He texted back and asked me if I would rather go on an 8 mile hike instead. I like hiking and all that but this constant" lets do this, oh wait I changed my mind" schtick is wearing on me very fast. And it kind of seems like he has an utter disregard about what I want to do. He's suggesting things that will get me to say yes but then changing them to what he wants. I'm fine with flying by the seat of my pants and being random in what we do, but then let's keep it random. Not make plans and then change them. Ya know? What's your take on this? Are these dumpable offenses?
louise_23 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 So I'm kinda seeing this guy that I was "kinda seeing" a few times before. It seems like every year or so we will give it another shot but it never goes anywhere. Anyway, we are working on round 3 now. So the first time we hung out on this new go round he asked me to dinner. We didn't make specific plans he was going to pick me up and see where we ended up to eat. Well he came to my place, parked his car came inside for a second until I finished getting ready. Somehow I ended up driving. I suggested a place to go and he said no he didn't want to go there so he suggested a different place. We went there and the wait was long and he didn't feel like waiting so he suggested another place about a 20 minute drive in the direction that we just came from. On the way there he changed his mind again. He wanted to go to a different place but it was close by so it was ok. Whatever. The next weekend he wanted to go to dinner and a movie. I was trying to avoid having dinner with him but he insisted telling me that he knew this great little italian place that I would love. I accepted. On our way to this italian place he tells me he changed his mind and didn't want to go there anymore. They have slow service. Whatever. He asked if I wanted to go to Applebee's by the mall instead. Who the hell ever wants to go to Applebee's ever on a date?!?!?!? But I went. After the movie date he suggested that this weekend we should have a tennis match (I'm a tennis fiend). I told him that would be cool and we would catch up during the week to nail down plans. Well I texted him a little earlier to let him know what my schedule looks like for the weekend if he still wanted to do tennis. He texted back and asked me if I would rather go on an 8 mile hike instead. I like hiking and all that but this constant" lets do this, oh wait I changed my mind" schtick is wearing on me very fast. And it kind of seems like he has an utter disregard about what I want to do. He's suggesting things that will get me to say yes but then changing them to what he wants. I'm fine with flying by the seat of my pants and being random in what we do, but then let's keep it random. Not make plans and then change them. Ya know? What's your take on this? Are these dumpable offenses? ok....is it easier to dump him than just say "hey pal, pick a plan, stick to it" ?? to be honest theres a reason you guys keep splitting up - you are flogging a dead horse, no??
Lil1 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 OP I didnt really understand whether you and your guy are dating or just FWB. Either way, you are friends at the most basic level right? I think it's perfectly understandable to tell a friend that you would rather make a plan and stick to it. Applebee's is awesome during happy hour! This guy sounds like the adventurous type, always changing plans... but it sounds like he does go through with them (doesn't leave you hanging), do you ultimately have fun with him? Are you the go with the flow kinda gal or do you prefer strucutre? Maybe next time you should do the planning! Maybe you and him could have a talk about your 'dates' and whether or not he considers them romantic dates or just hanging out with you.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Are you always so accommodating? I mean, why not say "I'm driving pal, we go where I say...." Or... "No, really, I'm quite happy here, let's stick to this one...." and refuse to budge.... and then if he sulks, call him out on it - "Hey, buddy, you chose the venue... it's not the first time you've done this... what's your problem? Are you a control freak, or just totally indecisive...?"
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 If it's wearing you out now, it'll get worse later on.
PlumPrincess Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 It would be a red flag for me. I'm spontaneous and random, but I understand that it exhausts people, so I only do that with my mom, who kind of hates me doing that. Ok, I will also do it with guys who are very easygoing and don't mind following a woman's lead.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 It would be a red flag for me. I'm spontaneous and random, but I understand that it exhausts people, so I only do that with my mom, who kind of hates me doing that. Ok, I will also do it with guys who are very easygoing and don't mind following a woman's lead. Is this why you don't have a bf?
Author ditzchic Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Are you always so accommodating? I mean, why not say "I'm driving pal, we go where I say...." Or... "No, really, I'm quite happy here, let's stick to this one...." and refuse to budge.... and then if he sulks, call him out on it - "Hey, buddy, you chose the venue... it's not the first time you've done this... what's your problem? Are you a control freak, or just totally indecisive...?" I am usually this passive! I'm generally pretty easy going. But to me this isn't easy going. This constant changing of plans is chaotic. He's like a hurricane. It would be a red flag for me. I'm spontaneous and random, but I understand that it exhausts people, so I only do that with my mom, who kind of hates me doing that. Ok, I will also do it with guys who are very easygoing and don't mind following a woman's lead. I'm into spontaneous and random. But breaking and changing plans isn't spontaneous and random to me. If he wants to be random he shouldnt make plans. He should just say "Let's do whatever and see what happens." I could handle that. He tried to change our plans for tomorrow again tonight. I told him it wasn't going to fly and he sulked. I'm pretty sure this is doomed
FitChick Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 A compromise might be for you to plan one date and he isn't allowed to change it. Then the next date he could just surprise you. I am a planner but I sometimes will deviate from a plan for something better. I just don't like chaos and indecision.
PlumPrincess Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) Is this why you don't have a bf? I'm not into these guys. Just guys I know. I think guys are usually not into constantly changing plans. It's more of a feminine behavior. Edited April 14, 2012 by PlumPrincess
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