Its better to have loved and lost that to have never love at all?

[mymission]

I'm starting to believe this isn't true. If I hadn't have found love I wouldn't know any different. I'm 22 and he was my first love.

 

Before him I was quite content on my own, going out with friends etc....

 

It was a mad rush and it was intense, and it was amazing whilst it lasted. But is the really really high feeling worth the really really low feeling afterwards. Or would it be best just to be content and on a middle ground all the way through?

 

I'm gonna go with the content feeling.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm 55 and I agree with the sentiment.

Having had the experiences I've had, has made me stronger and more understanding.

 

Of course, it all depends how people define 'Love' for themselves....

[robkris8079]

did you learn anything about yourself during the relationship? What you want out of a partner and relationship? Have you made changes to better yourself during the relationship or after it's demise?

 

If you answered yes to anything above then it is better to have loved and lost. If you answered no then your relationship might have just been a waste of time and would have been better to not loved at all.

 

Me personally am still little hung up on my ex. But I love who I became throughout the relationship. I love myself so much and learned so much about me and things I want. I became a better man, father, partner, lover, and found out exactly what I want in a partner and have the ability to spot red flags easier.

 

I think for me at least it was way better to have loved and lost then not to have loved her at all.

[SilverBlueAndGold]

did you learn anything about yourself during the relationship? What you want out of a partner and relationship? Have you made changes to better yourself during the relationship or after it's demise?

.

 

This is what we all need to ask ourselves. It may seem easier to never have had the experience so it doesn't hurt so much but if we take something away from it we will be a wiser person for it.

 

Anyone seen "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind"? The premise is there is a company that can erase painful memories, especially losing someone. It's a double edged sword; erasing the past may feel like a good short term solution but without those lessons learned we are liable to just walk right into the same thing again. Which is exactly what happened in the movie

[mymission]

Ahh Ill have to watch that one!

[M2155]

Agree with Robkris. There is no way to know what you want, what to expect, how to handle yourself etc...unless you go through it. Like anything else, you grow and refine (there are a thousand examples in everyone's life I'm sure where experiencing the bad helps you appreciate and recognize the good).

 

Love is a gamble. If you want to play it safe it's an option (although I think by nature once you are healed your heart will seek love again). But if you never want to risk potentially experiencing a low, you will never enjoy the highs you have yet to experience. Content would turn into some sort of depression. You have a lot of life ahead of you!

[SilverBlueAndGold]

Ahh Ill have to watch that one!

 

You should! It's a very good movie and bittersweet in that it is about going through a breakup and how we wish we could just forget everything rather than endure the pain. With the added twist of some ridiculous science fiction

[mymission]

I've just downloaded it

[xxSRMxx]

The way I feel right now, id have rather have NOT LOVED.

[silicis n volvo]

its been a week since me and my ex split, im at my absolute lowest and see no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

this forum helps me but honestly im now as broken as my relationship was...im starting to think its better to have never loved..than to go through this pain.

[SilverBlueAndGold]

its been a week since me and my ex split, im at my absolute lowest and see no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

this forum helps me but honestly im now as broken as my relationship was...im starting to think its better to have never loved..than to go through this pain.

 

 

One week is still very fresh. I am going on three and while it's still painful it actually is not as bad as my first week, or even the second.

 

Hang in there.

[KathyM]

If you aren't willing to risk being hurt when love fails, then you will never know the true joy of being in love that does last. To never know the highs and lows in life or love is to not be experiencing life to its fullest, with all the mixed bag that comes with it. Better to know what it feels like to be in love, than to never have that feeling at all.

[HollyBolly]

I'm starting to believe this isn't true. If I hadn't have found love I wouldn't know any different. I'm 22 and he was my first love.

 

Before him I was quite content on my own, going out with friends etc....

 

It was a mad rush and it was intense, and it was amazing whilst it lasted. But is the really really high feeling worth the really really low feeling afterwards. Or would it be best just to be content and on a middle ground all the way through?

 

I'm gonna go with the content feeling.

 

For me, this depends on which ex we're talking about. The one I lost 10 years ago after 7 years together, I'm glad I'd loved. The one that I lost 2 months ago? I wish I'd never met the b1tch.

[TaraMaiden]

...But without the experience, you'd never have known one from the other....

 

[HollyBolly]

...But without the experience, you'd never have known one from the other....

 

 

That is true. Still, I wish I'd never met the b1tch.

[mymission]

Silverandgold I watched the film last night. I kind of get what you're saying but the science fiction is too weird for me lol

[SilverBlueAndGold]

Silverandgold I watched the film last night. I kind of get what you're saying but the science fiction is too weird for me lol

 

No worries The idea is what appealed to me, thinking that if we could just erase the past to get over heartbreak that it would fix everything. But that is really not true, because when we go through pain like that it becomes a part of who we are and if approached the right way can be a learning experience.

 

I should take my own advice and stop missing my toxic relationship so much.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, you should!

 

*wags finger*...

 

Bad girl, bad! put it down...put it down!!

[SilverBlueAndGold]

Yes, you should!

 

*wags finger*...

 

Bad girl, bad! put it down...put it down!!

 

Are you talking to me? I am not a girl.

[TaraMaiden]

ok....

 

Yes, you should!

 

*wags finger*...

 

Bad boy, bad! put it down...put it down!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

(pardon me, my error, I apologise.....)

[mymission]

Yeah and it shows they all just do and feel the same all over again after it has been erased. He went to Montauk on a subconscious urge and meets her all over again on the train.