Not "caring" or not having an "agenda" -- does this strategy attract more ladies?

[Teknoe]

Read this post from a local internet buddy. Passing it on here to LS. In my experience he is correct. There is something to be said about when you go somewhere without an agenda to purposely meet/hook up with a girl, but to go to whatever event it is simply for the fun of it (and to get out of the house)

 

But I think most of us understand this already. The real question at hand here is this... for guys who have a tendency to desire finding a GF so badly... how do they suddenly switch from OMG OMG OMG I NEED A GF to being more nonchalant, carefree and living in the moment?

 

That's the million dollar question.

 

Any thoughts?

 

---

 

i moved from N Cal to the Cincinnati area. there's a rather special scene here,at a certain bar the best band in the area plays every Tuesday...and apparently old hippies,who can dance, like me are,regarded as special. I pretty much know all the cute young honeys who are regulars...and seem to meet a few more on a typical night...without trying.

 

While I'm partying and flirting with 3 cuties I do know and love...some other girl just comes up and hits on me or starts dancin' with me. BIZZARRE. I ain't tall,dark,handsome or rich. At this point,I got about as many fingers as teeth.

 

When I was younger (a bit) and WANTED to meet ladies at clubs or concerts..or anywhere..it was pretty damn dismal. Now...when I quit trying...I get more hugs from really FINE looking honeys EVERY Tuesday...than I ever got in 2-3 MONTHS.

 

Understanding what makes the pretty ladies tick...is not easy. In this unique niche...I guess me knowing so many of the regulars,the band,the bar staff...gives me some plus and I guess ladies pick up on that.I reckon another factor is that i'm not pushing for something beyond the moment.

 

Anyhow...NOT having any agenda or strategy going...appears to be a big plus. Who knew?

[AD1980]

Ive tried this method my first 31 years of beign laid back and not overly agressive and its gottne me nowhere..

 

The play it cool i dont care playfuly ignore women thing oinly owrks if youre good looking and women approach you..

 

If you're not attratcive you have to be super pro active and play the numbers game until one finally hits..

[Teknoe]

My quick thought is, if you read my friend's story above, girls really just wanna have fun, as the song goes. This guy knew the band, bar staff, etc. He has connections. Girls see him connecting, having fun, and he stands out. That rises him above the crowd. I think most often when you're so obsessed about a GF you just rarely can live in the moment, and you end up being too mechanical, too stiff, and too anxious about what you'd say. Girls pick up on that fast. No, they can't read our minds, but yes, they can read our body language. And body language counts for more than 50% of how we communicate. It's a proven study.

 

There's much more to it than just this, but I'll leave it up for discussion.

 

So I guess the key is, having your own life outside of the female species/dating game. Have connections. Be unique. Radiate that you are a happy, well-adjusted, confident person.

 

Toss in your 2 cents!

[Teknoe]

Ive tried this method my first 31 years of beign laid back and not overly agressive and its gottne me nowhere..

 

The play it cool i dont care playfuly ignore women thing oinly owrks if youre good looking and women approach you..

 

If you're not attratcive you have to be super pro active and play the numbers game until one finally hits..

 

 

But how often did you go out? 3x a week, or less? Where did you go?

 

Did you go with friends, or to places where people (in "high places") knew you?

 

It's easy to say "I tried this" but please be specific. There are varying degrees to this method. I think it does require you to be somewhat of the "life of the party" though. At least be known wherever you go, like this guy was. You saw his post right? He said he wasn't tall, rich or handsome.

 

But he had connections, and girls saw he was fun loving, let live kind of guy. That's attractive.

 

It's different from shopping at Target (for example) and pretending not to care about women. Which brings up a good point, in addition to how often you went out, WHERE did you go?

 

If you go out to random places alone, with no connections, obviously, it's going to be harder than if you were to go to places where females flock and there is some social interaction being the norm (i.e. a party, but not "running errands" at bank, gas station, Target, etc.)

[carhill]

IME, it's a great way to remain happily single. After all, one has to have at least some 'care' in order to approach another person for any sort of interaction. The default, 'no care', is walking one's own path in life without said interaction. For example, I had to 'care' enough to post in this thread. Later this morning, I perhaps will 'care' enough to call my best friend to see how he's doing and what's planned for later today. It all takes care to move from the setpoint of neutrality.

 

IMO, men who are attractive to women are attractive to women, regardless of 'care', whether that is one woman in particular or women in general. One can 'care' enough to become 'attractive' or improve 'attractiveness', sure, even if that path includes 'not caring'. It's a choice, a movement from the setpoint; a departure from neutrality.

[AD1980]

But how often did you go out? 3x a week, or less? Where did you go?

 

Did you go with friends, or to places where people (in "high places") knew you?

 

It's easy to say "I tried this" but please be specific. There are varying degrees to this method. I think it does require you to be somewhat of the "life of the party" though. At least be known wherever you go, like this guy was. You saw his post right? He said he wasn't tall, rich or handsome.

 

But he had connections, and girls saw he was fun loving, let live kind of guy. That's attractive.

 

It's different from shopping at Target (for example) and pretending not to care about women. Which brings up a good point, in addition to how often you went out, WHERE did you go?

 

If you go out to random places alone, with no connections, obviously, it's going to be harder than if you were to go to places where females flock and there is some social interaction being the norm (i.e. a party, but not "running errands" at bank, gas station, Target, etc.)

 

I go to bars with friends on weekends,im not really good at approaching random women and im a laid back guy im not l life if the party guy really unless im really drunk

[USMCHokie]

Yes, but only if you don't consider it a "strategy," because one's agenda or even desperation will always shine through in the end...

[Radu]

Read this post from a local internet buddy. Passing it on here to LS. In my experience he is correct. There is something to be said about when you go somewhere without an agenda to purposely meet/hook up with a girl, but to go to whatever event it is simply for the fun of it (and to get out of the house)

 

But I think most of us understand this already. The real question at hand here is this... for guys who have a tendency to desire finding a GF so badly... how do they suddenly switch from OMG OMG OMG I NEED A GF to being more nonchalant, carefree and living in the moment?

 

That's the million dollar question.

 

Any thoughts?

 

---

 

i moved from N Cal to the Cincinnati area. there's a rather special scene here,at a certain bar the best band in the area plays every Tuesday...and apparently old hippies,who can dance, like me are,regarded as special. I pretty much know all the cute young honeys who are regulars...and seem to meet a few more on a typical night...without trying.

 

While I'm partying and flirting with 3 cuties I do know and love...some other girl just comes up and hits on me or starts dancin' with me. BIZZARRE. I ain't tall,dark,handsome or rich. At this point,I got about as many fingers as teeth.

 

When I was younger (a bit) and WANTED to meet ladies at clubs or concerts..or anywhere..it was pretty damn dismal. Now...when I quit trying...I get more hugs from really FINE looking honeys EVERY Tuesday...than I ever got in 2-3 MONTHS.

 

Understanding what makes the pretty ladies tick...is not easy. In this unique niche...I guess me knowing so many of the regulars,the band,the bar staff...gives me some plus and I guess ladies pick up on that.I reckon another factor is that i'm not pushing for something beyond the moment.

 

Anyhow...NOT having any agenda or strategy going...appears to be a big plus. Who knew?

 

 

First of all 'not caring' and 'no agenda' are different things.

The first means you are indifferent to the outcome (but you might have an agenda).

The second means you don't have a strategy (but you might care).

 

From the sounds of things, he did both. He went with a 'i don't give a **** what happens' attitude and with no agenda outside of dancing ... which most if not all women like.

Maybe he got loose, he was having fun ... and fun is infectious, it is contagious if it is not forced in a way (think forced grin .... something like that).

[Pyro]

it is strange but when you don't try is when it seems to work best.

[USMCHokie]

it is strange but when you don't try is when it seems to work best.

 

It's all about expectation management. You never feel like you're failing if you're not constantly falling short of your expectations..

[Radu]

That plays a part, but it's also about the body language you are displaying.

 

You can change your body language by making yourself believe what you are saying/thinking.

[Pyro]

It's all about expectation management. You never feel like you're failing if you're not constantly falling short of your expectations..

 

then don't expect anything when you go out.

[grkBoy]

Women like guys who are comfortable in their own skin. Too many when they are trying to meet someone put the aura of needy on them...even if they think they aren't.

 

When you're the guy who can have fun by himself or without the concern of having a SO, then women notice that and get attracted to it. They know you're fun, rather than a dull guy who's only pretending to be fun to get a girl.

[prune juice]

it is strange but when you don't try is when it seems to work best.

 

that's not true. just a bullsh*t saying. i just go for sex anywhere and if i didn't try i wouldn't get any.

[prune juice]

Women like guys who are comfortable in their own skin. Too many when they are trying to meet someone put the aura of needy on them...even if they think they aren't.

 

When you're the guy who can have fun by himself or without the concern of having a SO, then women notice that and get attracted to it. They know you're fun, rather than a dull guy who's only pretending to be fun to get a girl.

 

girls and guys both want to have fun but you can't party all day and all night. girls don't get this. there's work in the moring.

[prune juice]

Whatever your mother told you about how you should treat females, do the exact opposite.

 

absolute fact

[Pyro]

that's not true. just a bullsh*t saying. i just go for sex anywhere and if i didn't try i wouldn't get any.

 

has worked for me so it can work for some people.

[threebyfate]

it is strange but when you don't try is when it seems to work best.

Funny dat, innit?

 

Kick back and enjoy. When you're relaxed and having fun, that's when people are the most attractive. No one wants someone who comes across as neurotic.

[Pyro]

Funny dat, innit?

 

Kick back and enjoy. When you're relaxed and having fun, that's when people are the most attractive. No one wants someone who comes across as neurotic.

 

but you are a woman so your POV is incorrect around here.

[threebyfate]

but you are a woman so your POV is incorrect around here.

*smack*

 

I'm a systemizing woman so 1/2 points!

[fortyninethousand322]

There's a difference between not caring and actively avoiding people. You can go out and have fun and sort of turn your shoulder at any chance to talk to new people. You're still "out there' you're just not "out there". Plus, as a guy you kind of have to take charge so to speak. No girl is going to go up to you and seduce you or buy you a drink. You have to do something.

 

If you're a wimpy, jaded, scaredy cat like me, you won't take charge. You'll just kind of hang back. That's not a recipe for success.

[Pyro]

*smack*

 

I'm a systemizing woman so 1/2 points!

 

:lmao:

 

To stay on topic........

 

If you are looking for a meaningful relationship then it is important to not try so hard and that will attract the best......not all the time though.

 

If you are looking for flings and quick one night stands then by all means try with all your might because at least one girl in the bar is bound to say yes.

[Pyro]

There's a difference between not caring and actively avoiding people. You can go out and have fun and sort of turn your shoulder at any chance to talk to new people. You're still "out there' you're just not "out there". Plus, as a guy you kind of have to take charge so to speak. No girl is going to go up to you and seduce you or buy you a drink. You have to do something.

 

Spot on.

[carhill]

No girl is going to go up to you and seduce you or buy you a drink. You have to do something.

So, as a man, departing from neutrality is a prerequisite for any interaction. There must be enough care to depart the setpoint. This presumes any human interaction requires some care to initiate it. If there were no care, what would be the methodology or purpose of the interaction?

 

There, see, I cared enough to read your post and respond to it. I could have, instead, thrown a DVD into the player and watched a movie and cared about that, but I didn't.

 

I spent about fifteen years largely not caring, happily going through life and meeting and enjoying purely by happenstance many women. During that time, I remained largely single and a virgin simply because I didn't care enough to aggressively pursue a woman sexually. That's pretty much it. If I had not cared at all, I never would have dated at all. As I related in another thread, I've never experienced a woman asking me out in my 52 on this rock. No care, no agenda, just life experience. I guess each one is different. Good luck.

[OhHey]

I dislike how people have this need to be hitched so bad. I agree, live the moment and stop getting all woozy and crazy trying to find a GF or BF, it's not everything in life.

It just seems like such a pain, I'd rather just let it happen if it does, if it doesn't, then fine, but I'm not dedicating my entire life to finding some other human to be with.

 

Finally find a GF everything is all good, having fun, bike riding, love, her and your mom cook pies together, ect ect.....6 years pass.....BAM!!! I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMNORE! I NEED A CHANGE! OR......She cheated on you.

 

6 years down the drain, start over.....pfffttt no thanks.

 

I agree entirely....people need to ease up a bit and not stress so much , because they don't have a GF/BF 24/7.....