understanding4you Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Ok. I'm going to give you all a little background so the situation can be assessed as accurately as possible. *Details matter* So here's the deal. I come from a town that is a very, very small one. We have only one high school & unfortunately everyone knows everyone. There's no way around it until you actually move away from here. It's now seven years later. I'm in my mid-twenties & have been dating someone for 2+ years that I graduated H.S. with. We're very much in love & have decided to take our relationship to the next level, making plans, moving-in, etc. PROBLEM: During my H.S. prom, I "hooked-up" with someone whom he NOW (presently) considers to be his bestfriend. They were always friends in high school, but never to the extent of being considered his 'brother'/'family', which is now that he calls him today. I did not have sex with this person. We just made out. It was random. I was young, probably lonely, seeking some attention, and obviously under the influence of alcohol. I never had any interest in this guy nor do I find him even attractive!? I was so wierded out by the whole thing, that the next day when a group of us met up (we used to be around the same crowd from time to time) & he was there, I kind of just brushed him off and tried to avoid him bc I felt awkward about it. Now that I look back on it, maybe I should have been more 'adult' about it & approached him after the fact about how I felt, but I was 17 at the time & not all the wisest. Now, lets fast-forward to about 2 years later after high-school. I was in a different relationship from the one I'm in currently. Someone a little older than me, but still, this guy that I had hooked up with in HS, knew my at-the-time bf & was friends with him. Ok, fine. It didn't bother me. What can I do. They weren't even close. They used to just play b-ball with one another here & there. Until, the day my then-boyfriend approached me about 'hooking up' with this kid! He had told my bf about that little "moment" we had. Needless to say, I was upset! I didn't understand why he would say such a thing, or what purpose it served. It didn't make any sense to me why he felt the need to tell someone I was in a relationship with. Not to mention the fact that he gave him details & added a little more than what really happened. This gave me a bad taste in my mouth about him & ever since that time, I went from not caring about this person to not liking him, period. THE PRESENT: Now, in my current relationship, I've never paid too much mind to the fact that he's in my bf's life. It like out of sight; out of mind. Over the past couple years, I've had to be around this person. Not only is he my boyfriend's good friend, but my guy also invites him to his family events, we've gone on several double dates together, we do dinners, hang out, a group of us are going away out of state for a concert this weekend >_< & they even invite me to the guys family's house when they're throwing a little party or whatever. Lately, I've been having this bothering feeling inside me. I think it's because me and my man are very serious & I can't help but wonder if my man knows. If he's felt the need to bring it to my boyfriend's attention (I can't see why not if he's done it before!!) & I'm sure if my bf did know, he wouldn't say anything bc what is there to say about it!? I've never brought it up because its not important to me. I don't feel the need. I think it would just make things kind of awkward. Bottom line, I'm stuck--worrying a little. What if he doesn't know? and it just happened to somehow surface years down the line? I'd never want him to feel betrayed in any way. Is this rational thinking? Or am I looking into this too deep? eesh. Please HELP. I appreciate anyone's thoughts on this matter.
Philosoraptor Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Should you feel guilty? No. It's part of your past. Should you say something? Personally, I would. If your partner cares about you then they will also accept that you have a past and thus not a really big deal. You were kids back then. I would say something along the lines of what you said here. Explain that you didn't say something earlier because of what happened to you before and you just wanted to let him know so he didn't find out another way and become upset at you (if he even would).
dbave Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yep bring it up. Which is better? The guy surfacing the story up or you?
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