goldengirl11 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 (edited) I am intrigued to know if when you start having sex with a man is when they are most likely to commit, or not neccessarily? I was in the early stages of dating/hooking up with an old colleague of mine who I had hoped to have a relationship with, which he unfortunately only knew when I blurted it out to him via e-mail when he appeared to stop seeing me in favour for another girl. We also lived approx 45 minutes away from each other so I am guessing he was getting it more conveniently, when he was only texting me without pinning down a date anymore. We had only got intimate before at that stage and not yet had proper intercourse, although we planned to. He then got sidetracked... I feel that I should put it out more quickly next time before the (next) guy I feel a connection with gets tempted elsewhere and then may lose interest! Is this the best way to go about? Edited April 13, 2012 by goldengirl11
phineas Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 (edited) ^^^^^ He was probably just looking for sex. Telling him up front what you wanted wasn't the issue. 45mins. is nothing these days. At least not for me. I live in the boonies. LOL! To answer your question: I don't answer to a woman who isn't having sex with me. I also consider sex to equal exclusive. Basically we are just friends or we are sleeping together. I've wasted months upon months on women who gave all kinds of excuses for not wanting to have sex too soon only to have them literally sleep with a guy they just met & enter a relationship with him. I've also had situations where the woman was sleeping with an ex or a FWB & just using me for attention. In both cases the women manipulated me into ignoring other girls with false promises of future sex. I don't expect them to jump into bed with me either. However if after a month their still not interested in sex I start focusing on other women. I don't run around making out with multiple women either. (that isn't cool in my book) But I will hang out with multiple women and get to know them if the opportunity arises. But, I would like to add this was back in my fatter days. Since I got in shape, got confident, got options, got hobbies ect it seems women either take me or leave me & the attention whores usually just fade away when they realize I won't fall for their games or feed their ego. Edited April 13, 2012 by phineas
bac Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I am intrigued to know if when you start having sex with a man is when they are most likely to commit, or not neccessarily? I was in the early stages of dating/hooking up with an old colleague of mine who I had hoped to have a relationship with, which he unfortunately only knew when I blurted it out to him via e-mail when he appeared to stop seeing me in favour for another girl. We also lived approx 45 minutes away from each other so I am guessing he was getting it more conveniently, when he was only texting me without pinning down a date anymore. We had only got intimate before at that stage and not yet had proper intercourse, although we planned to. He then got sidetracked... I feel that I should put it out more quickly next time before the (next) guy I feel a connection with gets tempted elsewhere and then may lose interest! Is this the best way to go about? It is just opposite. If you have sex before you have a R (a rapport on emotional/intellectual level), it probably never turns into a R unless you both are very young and unexperienced.
Emilia Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I am intrigued to know if when you start having sex with a man is when they are most likely to commit, or not neccessarily? I was in the early stages of dating/hooking up with an old colleague of mine who I had hoped to have a relationship with, which he unfortunately only knew when I blurted it out to him via e-mail when he appeared to stop seeing me in favour for another girl. We also lived approx 45 minutes away from each other so I am guessing he was getting it more conveniently, when he was only texting me without pinning down a date anymore. We had only got intimate before at that stage and not yet had proper intercourse, although we planned to. He then got sidetracked... I feel that I should put it out more quickly next time before the (next) guy I feel a connection with gets tempted elsewhere and then may lose interest! Is this the best way to go about? It will depend on whether he wants a relationship in the first place and whether he likes you enough to date you. How soon someone wants sex depends on their personality.
Emilia Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 It is just opposite. If you have sex before you have a R (a rapport on emotional/intellectual level), it probably never turns into a R unless you both are very young and unexperienced. That's wrong. It can happen and it does happen. Sex early puts pressure on the development of a relationship that's true but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Ha, what would even lead you to believe that a man having sex would equal a relationship? what planet you been on? If you give it up quickly, I would say chances are the guy isn't going to want to stick around. If a guy doesn't stick around because you didn't have sex with him right away, it doesn't mean he was going to have a relationship it just means he's leaving two weeks earlier than he would have If he had sex with you...and even worse he could string you along in the "indecisive phase" where he determines how he "feels" which means you'll get screwed over in the end. If a guy doesn't want a relationship with you then there's nothing you can do to make him want one with you, the best you can do is try to trap said man with an abundance of sex to keep him interested but eventually that will lose it's appeal. So no, god no, don't ever think that having sex will bring you a relationship. You need to find out what the guy is about and what he's looking for and give it time to figure that out, which like most women, you'll never do so you'll be at the mercy of whether men want a relationship or not with you...just like rolling the dice at a gambling table! Extremely ineffective, but seems to be the norm for women these days since they "want to see the best in people"...good luck with that. If you're asking this question though, really, get some more self-respect and standards, or you're going to get chewed up and spit out regardless If you think bending to a mans will is going to get you anywhere instead of standing up for yourself and having expectations...even If it means not winning the douchebags you're interested in and they don't stick around. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 If a guy wants a relationship with you, having sex early or late won't make a difference. 5
zengirl Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 The reason to wait for sex (if you choose to) is not to make it more likely for a relationship to develop but to make it less likely that you'll sleep with someone and make things more complex/cloud your judgement on them (if it would make them complex for you -- this does not apply to everyone) and/or get attached. Waiting for sex or sleeping with a man. . . neither prompts a man to be committed. A man's desire for commitment is not based solely on sex (I assume men don't want to be committed to women they don't want to have sex with in most cases though), nor can you "catch" a man with sex. You also can't really scare away a man with sex UNLESS A) He's one of those rare men who's truly insecure with female sexuality or B) You seem wishy washy or confused in some way about sex -- i.e. you say you want to wait, but pull his dick out. That type of stuff is easy to avoid by just waiting until you're ready to have sex. Most men will respect that and simply wait. They don't like it when women seem insecure in their OWN sexuality to the point where they swing between slutty actions and prudish actions and get them needlessly worked up. There may be a © but I can't think of it. In short: Have sex when you want to have sex, but know that it in no way suggests a relationship will form. Nor does it necessarily suggest one won't form. If you want to know if a relationship will form, you'll have to look at his words and actions on time given to you, commitment and respect afforded to you, and so forth. If you want commitment before sex, I have found there are many men willing to take that path. Just don't dangle sex above them like a T bone. Stick to whatever path you choose.
quietGuy13 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Sex doesn't just mean peneetrating. Kissing etc is sex and yeah we need that for a relationship. I dont quite get it how you don't understand that, when you do understand it when lesbians do it. Lesbians(thus women)want sex just as much as heterosexual men. So it's the same
insertnamehere Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Sex does not mean a relationship to me at all. For me, as a guy, in fact it's the most non-sexual stuff that makes it a relationship. If I want to be around you for something other than sex and hellraising, then it's a relationship. Honestly? The dumber and quieter I am around you, the more likely I actually like you and am not just looking for a screw. The louder and more purpose-driven I am . . . well, that's when you better look out, because my intentions aren't so long-term. That said, I'm not a very relationship-y guy. So . . . grain of salt and all.
MrNate 2.0 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I am intrigued to know if when you start having sex with a man is when they are most likely to commit, or not neccessarily? I was in the early stages of dating/hooking up with an old colleague of mine who I had hoped to have a relationship with, which he unfortunately only knew when I blurted it out to him via e-mail when he appeared to stop seeing me in favour for another girl. We also lived approx 45 minutes away from each other so I am guessing he was getting it more conveniently, when he was only texting me without pinning down a date anymore. We had only got intimate before at that stage and not yet had proper intercourse, although we planned to. He then got sidetracked... I feel that I should put it out more quickly next time before the (next) guy I feel a connection with gets tempted elsewhere and then may lose interest! Is this the best way to go about? I would personally rethink this statement. If you think giving up some ass is going to lock a man in, let me warn you ahead of time, it won't. The losses will solely be on your side. Find a man who is into you, and everything will work out smoothly. You will know he's right for you when you're not asking yourself the question above.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I dont quite get it how you don't understand that, when you do understand it when lesbians do it. Lesbians(thus women)want sex just as much as heterosexual men. So it's the same Hey! Leave the lesbians out of this!
somedude81 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I've got plenty of experience experience with sexless relationships, they're called friendships. Sex doesn't equal a relationship, but without sex, there is no relationship. 1
thatone Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 It is just opposite. If you have sex before you have a R (a rapport on emotional/intellectual level), it probably never turns into a R unless you both are very young and unexperienced. My gf and i had sex the weekend we met, going on 4 months now. On the other hand i have ended 'dating' situations with women in my past who turned me down for sex after 3 months. So i disagree. Older with insecurity is no different or even worse than young and inexperienced. Everyone is different, failing to determine the intentions of others falls on you, no one else's advice about a man they dont know is gonna help. 1
JasonRules Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I am intrigued to know if when you start having sex with a man is when they are most likely to commit, or not neccessarily? No, not necessarily. Whether or not I decide to have a relationship with someone has nothing to do with any physical intimacy, but rather how compatible I perceive our personalities to be. As I man I can tell you this. I've had loving long term relationships with women I have slept with on the 1st date and I've had things fizzle with women I was dating for some months who never slept with me. Finally, at least for me, I have probably made up my mind within 1 week if a woman is "girlfriend" material. If I think she is, I will throw hints that my intentions are good, but if a man doesn't than you're just another booty call.
phineas Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 But, this isn't your standard situation. She said she worked with the guy. Most of the women I dated I had sex with them on the 1st or 2nd date. However I spent time with them as friends before hand.
somedude81 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Most of the women I dated I had sex with them on the 1st or 2nd date. However I spent time with them as friends before hand. Huh? How the heck did it work for you, while it has about .00000000001 percent chance for working for everybody else?
mesmerized Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Huh? How the heck did it work for you, while it has about .00000000001 percent chance for working for everybody else? lol, I know A LOT of guys who almost always sleep with women within the first two or three dates. Women are really not resistant when they're attracted to a man.
somedude81 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Oh, sorry. I was more confused about the friends first thing actually working and not sex on 1st or 2nd date.
RedRobin Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 The couple of men I slept with on the first few dates I ditched within a couple of weeks... and glad I did. One of them was so upset I broke up with him, he confessed he cheated on his wife multiple times. It was a 'how did you know after just a couple of weeks?" question from him. I just knew. The other one told me he was seeing other women the same time he was seeing me. Yep, I knew that too. Some guys think they are so sneaky... If a guy presses me for early sex, I don't stick around to see if he wants a 'relationship' or not. He's a man-whore in my book. If I'm acting like a woman-whore, I guess I get what I deserve... but, I still don't stick around waiting for HIM to decide if he wants a 'relationship' with me if I decided to sleep with him early on. What a joke.
thatone Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 but, I still don't stick around waiting for HIM to decide if he wants a 'relationship' with me if I decided to sleep with him early on. What a joke. well the flip side is him waiting around to see if YOU want a relationship with him, all the while keeping one foot in the door.. what a joke, indeed.
phineas Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Huh? How the heck did it work for you, while it has about .00000000001 percent chance for working for everybody else? Usually I worked with them or went to school with them. I knew them for months. We were more than just co-workers & classmates. Maybe friends is too strong a word? We did hang out outside of work or school a few times. Then we went on official dates. Also, sometimes women I knew when I was dating someone else would want me as soon as I broke up.
RedRobin Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 well the flip side is him waiting around to see if YOU want a relationship with him, all the while keeping one foot in the door.. what a joke, indeed. To each his/her own. I'm not interested in whatever f-ed up dynamic comes out of a 'relationship' initially formed over swapping body fluids with a near stranger. There have been a couple of times in my life where my better judgement got the best of me (see examples above). I made amends (with myself) pretty quick and didn't repeat it.
prune juice Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 lol, I know A LOT of guys who almost always sleep with women within the first two or three dates. Women are really not resistant when they're attracted to a man. that's all it takes and putting on the right moves at the right time. one wrong move and its over with gals.
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