CopingGal Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 My very, very good friend died. Her car went through a guard rail and off a bridge. I wanted to call my ex, in hopes that he would be there for me. He probably would. He would be real nice. Then about a month from now or so, he would do something so mean and egregious that it will wipe out the good thing he did. That is who he is. That is what he does. Besides, my ex is a worthless bastard. He could never be there for me the way I need him to. So I stayed strong and I did not call him. I feel kind of empty inside. 2
xxSRMxx Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 So sorry to hear of your loss....must be tough. In situations like this I guess you will always want to pick up the phone and call him as a support system but i think you did the right thing. Again, im sorrry
Mack05 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Really sorry to hear about your close friend coping gal. Really puts a relationship broken heart into prespective. You did the right thing not reaching out to your ex. He is your past and will never be a healthy part of your future. When we lose someone we love, our emotions are heightened because of the grief we are experiencing. By reconnecting with your ex, you will stir up all those emotions again, except they will be so much more intense. When the inevitable crash happens (he shows his true colours again) your grief will be as bad, as maybe you have ever felt before in your life. You will still be grieving the loss of your friend, as well as the loss of a relationship all over again. It will be so overwhelming. This will be a VERY hard time for you. You are still in shock. It's the bodies way if coping. When the shock wears off, you will be hit be a MASSIVE wave of various emotions. This is be the time you will want to reach out most, but you musn't. Please PM if you ever need someone to lean on. I will give you my email address..
Author CopingGal Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 Thank you for kind words. Thank you very much.
brneyedgrl Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 I am so sorry to hear this. We usually want to turn to the person who we used to seek comfort from in hard times however, that person is gone. You have to go through the grieving process all over again but you don't need him to heal and it seems like you already know this. I wish you the best, remember to take care of you and don't allow his memory to take precedence over your healing.
Author CopingGal Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Well I got some information. I found out she actually did not go off of a bridge. However, she went through the guardrail that was leading up to the bridge. "People should be careful how they put things in the news." I feel a little better. The accident was still very bad, but doesn't seem as awful as I thought it was. I hated the idea of her car going off of a bridge. The car went through what they call the bridge guardrail (even thought it wasn't on a bridge- it was leading up to the bridge). The car went down until it ended up under the bridge. I keep wondering if she would be alive today if she was wearing a seat belt. Again, I thought about calling my ex. But I did not and I will not. I'm not going to go to someone for comfort when that person treated me like dirt.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm also dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety right now. I have been very tempted to write an e-mail to my ex because she can identify with my issues. At the same time, I know -- as do you it seems -- that doing so will only open old wounds and compound your current pain. Feel free to PM if you need to vent. I can send you a link to a chatroom made just for venting.
Author CopingGal Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Thank you very much. I think a lot of us could get some use out of going to a chatroom to vent. Could you put the link in the forum? Thank you very much.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 My very, very good friend died. Her car went through a guard rail and off a bridge. I wanted to call my ex, in hopes that he would be there for me. He probably would. He would be real nice. Then about a month from now or so, he would do something so mean and egregious that it will wipe out the good thing he did. That is who he is. That is what he does. Besides, my ex is a worthless bastard. He could never be there for me the way I need him to. So I stayed strong and I did not call him. I feel kind of empty inside. I am so very sorry for your loss:( There is nothing your ex could do for you but open a wound on top of the loss you are feeling right now. If he was kind to you, how long would that last? And deep down you would be waiting for more interaction and disappointed when it doesn't happen. Part of the ol' emotional unavailability you were subjected to. I am glad that in your grief, that you stayed clear headed and very wise. Call a trusted friend when you are going through this stuff. Your ex has let you down and would continue to do so. HUGS....
shayla Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are for your strength and for the family of your friend. I am very glad that you didn't compound your grief by calling your ex. That pain is something you do not need, especially now. 2
Author CopingGal Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Thank you so much. Yes, I am determined to stay strong. Seriously, after being beaten down so many times, I got wise. There's just no way I'm going to my ex with my problems. He's sick. He'll always be sick. The best thing I can do for myself is keep NC going.
Exit Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Sorry for your loss but it's good that you didn't cave in.
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