silkfox Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Hey, So, just some background on my situation: my boyfriend told me about three weeks ago he needed "space", and that he wasn't sure he was in love with me anymore. It took me some time, but I finally came to accept that he wasn't in love with me, that the relationship was over. I took down our Facebook relationship status a few days after that, and began to finally move on. After a fun date with a new guy, my ex texted me. He said he just found that I took down that FB status, and had a mini-panic attack because of it. Naturally worried, I called him. I told him how I had spent the last weeks checking that awful thing, taking it as validation of our relationship, when in reality I had no idea what was happening because he was so unclear about what he wanted. He said he understood that I was moving on and taking charge. I confessed that it was hard of me to do, because I really do wish that we could end up together and that I still love him. He said he had spent a lot of time working on himself, and seeing his doctor and getting his meds reassessed. We ended things by setting up a day to have a face to face sit down. I'm in a bad place right now: I just don't understand him. I think he doesn't understand himself. I was finally in a good place, and ready to move on, and then he does this? So I guess I should ask: what do I do when we have our sit down? I really do love him, and feel like this is a relationship that has a lot of potential. Should I allow myself to be there and wait for him; or should I make some kind of demand that he give me something to go by, rather than be waiting in limbo like I was before?
Author silkfox Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 I'm 24; he'll be 29 in a few months.
Philosoraptor Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 He still didn't clearly state that he wanted anything from you. Pretty much just said he was scared to move on. 3
geegirl Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 (edited) Should I allow myself to be there and wait for him; or should I make some kind of demand that he give me something to go by, rather than be waiting in limbo like I was before? I think you should sit in limbo. It's a great feeling to wake up every morning wondering if he's going to choose you. It's even more encouraging when you can sit there all day pondering if today is the day he realizes he loves you. Waiting around on someone to love you enough to want to be with you is generally the way to go. Sound good to you? He had a panic attack. Even dumpers have dumpers remorse. But nothing to get excited about. Deep down they left for a reason. That reason is still there. If he claims his feelings have gone, listen. Go for your sit down and be honest and firm about what you want and leave the option of sitting around and waiting for someone to choose you at home. Don't ever put your life on hold for someone else, especially someone who doesn't have much grasp of their own. Edited April 13, 2012 by geegirl 3
Author silkfox Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I think you should sit in limbo. It's a great feeling to wake up every morning wondering if he's going to choose you. It's even more encouraging when you can sit there all day pondering if today is the day he realizes he loves you. Waiting around on someone to love you enough to want to be with you is generally the way to go. Sound good to you? He had a panic attack. Even dumpers have dumpers remorse. But nothing to get excited about. Deep down they left for a reason. That reason is still there. If he claims his feelings have gone, listen. Go for your sit down and be honest and firm about what you want and leave the option of sitting around and waiting for someone to choose you at home. Don't ever put your life on hold for someone else, especially someone who doesn't have much grasp of their own. I think this was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you! I honestly can't even begin to express how fortunate I've been to find this place. I feel like I've known that this is the way to go, but it's great to have that extra piece of validation that says "yes, your gut's right, go with that" 1
HollyBolly Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 Hey, So, just some background on my situation: my boyfriend told me about three weeks ago he needed "space", and that he wasn't sure he was in love with me anymore. It took me some time, but I finally came to accept that he wasn't in love with me, that the relationship was over. I took down our Facebook relationship status a few days after that, and began to finally move on. After a fun date with a new guy, my ex texted me. He said he just found that I took down that FB status, and had a mini-panic attack because of it. Naturally worried, I called him. I told him how I had spent the last weeks checking that awful thing, taking it as validation of our relationship, when in reality I had no idea what was happening because he was so unclear about what he wanted. He said he understood that I was moving on and taking charge. I confessed that it was hard of me to do, because I really do wish that we could end up together and that I still love him. He said he had spent a lot of time working on himself, and seeing his doctor and getting his meds reassessed. We ended things by setting up a day to have a face to face sit down. I'm in a bad place right now: I just don't understand him. I think he doesn't understand himself. I was finally in a good place, and ready to move on, and then he does this? So I guess I should ask: what do I do when we have our sit down? I really do love him, and feel like this is a relationship that has a lot of potential. Should I allow myself to be there and wait for him; or should I make some kind of demand that he give me something to go by, rather than be waiting in limbo like I was before? Just wondering if he is mentally stable? Has he been diagnosed? Or you, for that matter?
Author silkfox Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 Hah-- well, I'm perfectly fine mentally, if not a bit sensitive overall. I've seen a grief counselor once or twice in my life, but it's never been anything ongoing or so serious that it required medical intervention. He, however, is someone who's dealt with anxiety issues most of his adult life. I met him around the time he stopped going to regular sessions, but he's continued on a regiment of anti-anxiety medication. As to how serious of a role that's playing in this: I don't know. I've taken his assertions of getting himself re-evaluated at face value so far.
HollyBolly Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 He, however, is someone who's dealt with anxiety issues most of his adult life. And you want to be with him because...?
Author silkfox Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 I see your point. To be honest, this is the first time (outside of him talking about his anxiety issues in the past) I've seen it actually affecting him. He's been stable up to this point; and, frankly, I love the lug. We get each other, and we had always been on the same page in terms of personal philosophies and what we want in the future. All that said-- I absolutely see what you're saying. All that chemistry and future alignment means diddly if he can't get his act together.
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