Ruby Slippers Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 So, I have a date this weekend with a guy who seems to be doing very well for himself. He's sent me pictures of himself at home, and his place is way nicer than mine; he drives a nice car; has a great job; etc. He also seems to come from a good, solid family, whereas I keep my distance from mine, as there's some craziness and substance issues running through it. I think he likes me because there's good attraction, I'm all creative and imaginative (whereas he's more conventional and grounded), and I'm fun and have an uplifting effect on him. We also have a lot in common, and he tells me I'm much more on his intellectual level than the women he usually dates, who are often good-looking but dumb. I guess I'm feeling a little intimidated about the disparity in income/lifestyle, and concerned he might be judgmental about it. My small business is doing well and I'm stepping things up, but I'm still pretty frugal. I'm going to move to a nicer place when my lease is up in September, but until then, I have a modest place to live that's a bit rough around the edges. His place looks way nicer than mine. He has a house with "grown-up" furniture and styling, etc. I'm just wondering what the men think about dating a woman who makes less money than you. Turn off? Don't care?
MrNate 2.0 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 So, I have a date this weekend with a guy who seems to be doing very well for himself. He's sent me pictures of himself at home, and his place is way nicer than mine; he drives a nice car; has a great job; etc. He also seems to come from a good, solid family, whereas I keep my distance from mine, as there's some craziness and substance issues running through it. I think he likes me because there's good attraction, I'm all creative and imaginative (whereas he's more conventional and grounded), and I'm fun and have an uplifting effect on him. We also have a lot in common, and he tells me I'm much more on his intellectual level than the women he usually dates, who are often good-looking but dumb. I guess I'm feeling a little intimidated about the disparity in income/lifestyle, and concerned he might be judgmental about it. My small business is doing well and I'm stepping things up, but I'm still pretty frugal. I'm going to move to a nicer place when my lease is up in September, but until then, I have a modest place to live that's a bit rough around the edges. His place looks way nicer than mine. He has a house with "grown-up" furniture and styling, etc. I'm just wondering what the men think about dating a woman who makes less money than you. Turn off? Don't care? Don't worry about it too much, Ruby. If he's as awesome as he seems, he won't care about how much you make. Relax, and enjoy the date girl. 3
gaius Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I'm just wondering what the men think about dating a woman who makes less money than you. Turn off? Don't care? Most successful men prefer it. You're fine since you work and support yourself. 1
Pyro Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 don't care at all. More important issues to concern myself with when meeting a girl. 1
dasein Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 High income, just icing on the cake, not at all part of the main equation. The only way it would become an issue would be dating a woman very obviously living beyond her means, that would be flaggy. Have a great date!
Feelin Frisky Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 ... I'm just wondering what the men think about dating a woman who makes less money than you. Turn off? Don't care? To answer the quote, not a turn off and don't care and never would care that she makes less. It would however be somewhat testing if she made a lot more money than me--I can't grok being a "kept man".
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 Most successful men prefer it. You're fine since you work and support yourself. Yeah, I think he likes being the provider. When I returned his call this evening, he was watching the Bulls game, and I was telling him that I haven't been to a Bulls game but would love to go. He said we have to make this a great first date so he can take me to the playoffs. I was just giggling about how fun that would be, and I got this feeling that he's going to make it happen. 1
wwwjd Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I don't care at all unless it affects her as a person: Rich - materialistic, flaunty, snobbish... or poor - can't support self looking for free ride, selfish think life owes them everything, or gold digger. All of which I avoid.
123321 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I'd love to be a kept man but the reality is that while many men are OK with being the sole breadwinner, very few women are down with it.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Just don't act like a gold digger and expect him to pay for you because he makes more money and you'll be fine.
Jasra Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Money doesn't mean anything over love. Give me love over even the powerball lotto any day. Who cares who makes more ? Shouldn't matter IMHO.
oaks Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I'm just wondering what the men think about dating a woman who makes less money than you. Turn off? Don't care? Don't care, but I prefer it if she has a job and that she doesn't keep saying "but I can't afford that" whenever I suggest a date activity, holiday, shopping suggestion etc.
Radu Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 So, I have a date this weekend with a guy who seems to be doing very well for himself. He's sent me pictures of himself at home, and his place is way nicer than mine; he drives a nice car; has a great job; etc. He also seems to come from a good, solid family, whereas I keep my distance from mine, as there's some craziness and substance issues running through it. I think he likes me because there's good attraction, I'm all creative and imaginative (whereas he's more conventional and grounded), and I'm fun and have an uplifting effect on him. We also have a lot in common, and he tells me I'm much more on his intellectual level than the women he usually dates, who are often good-looking but dumb. I guess I'm feeling a little intimidated about the disparity in income/lifestyle, and concerned he might be judgmental about it. My small business is doing well and I'm stepping things up, but I'm still pretty frugal. I'm going to move to a nicer place when my lease is up in September, but until then, I have a modest place to live that's a bit rough around the edges. His place looks way nicer than mine. He has a house with "grown-up" furniture and styling, etc. I'm just wondering what the men think about dating a woman who makes less money than you. Turn off? Don't care? I wouldn't be affected much, but i would still ask for a prenup. Grounded and having firing neurons with a desire to do something in life = awesome. If he really made the comment about the other women he dated, i would inquire about his dating history (just out of curiosity ... shows a bit lack of tact) PS: Is that Mae West in your avatar ? What is your business about ? (don't answer if you'd rather not)
Pierre Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 So, I have a date this weekend with a guy who seems to be doing very well for himself. He's sent me pictures of himself at home, and his place is way nicer than mine; he drives a nice car; has a great job; etc. He also seems to come from a good, solid family, whereas I keep my distance from mine, as there's some craziness and substance issues running through it. I think he likes me because there's good attraction, I'm all creative and imaginative (whereas he's more conventional and grounded), and I'm fun and have an uplifting effect on him. We also have a lot in common, and he tells me I'm much more on his intellectual level than the women he usually dates, who are often good-looking but dumb. I guess I'm feeling a little intimidated about the disparity in income/lifestyle, and concerned he might be judgmental about it. My small business is doing well and I'm stepping things up, but I'm still pretty frugal. I'm going to move to a nicer place when my lease is up in September, but until then, I have a modest place to live that's a bit rough around the edges. His place looks way nicer than mine. He has a house with "grown-up" furniture and styling, etc. I'm just wondering what the men think about dating a woman who makes less money than you. Turn off? Don't care? I make more money than all the women I ever dated in my entire life. It is never about the money. It is often about different values which sadly are often related to socioeconomic level.
zengirl Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 IME, no. I was a teacher and now work in nonprofits (much more lucrative than teaching, ironically, but still not a high-end salary) and hubby is a manager at a firm that does very specialized programming. (Essentially, he creates simulations.) His salary could trounce mine easily. No matter. I do think many men are unhappy when a woman seems ungrateful for times he pays or entitled or wants to sponge off him or something, but I cannot see a man ever thinking that about you, Ruby. Anyway, this new guy sounds fun! Good, flirty energy there -- I can tell by how happy your posts sound. 1
zengirl Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 IME, no. I was a teacher and now work in nonprofits (much more lucrative than teaching, ironically, but still not a high-end salary) and hubby is a manager at a firm that does very specialized programming. (Essentially, he creates simulations.) His salary could trounce mine easily. No matter. I do think many men are unhappy when a woman seems ungrateful for times he pays or entitled or wants to sponge off him or something, but I cannot see a man ever thinking that about you, Ruby. Anyway, this new guy sounds fun! Good, flirty energy there -- I can tell by how happy your posts sound. Sorry, Ruby. I got here by clicking on another poster's post and did realize you were asking men only. I didn't see the full title.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 It is often about different values which sadly are often related to socioeconomic level. Can you give me some examples? I think I might already have one, though. He offered to pick me up. I said I'd like to meet him at the place the first time, since we've just been talking online and on the phone for a while and I don't really know him. He understood, but then seemed concerned that I'd be walking from the train stop to the date spot after dark. He seems a lot more sheltered than I've ever been - lives in a big house in the 'burbs, drives a nice car everywhere, probably has a security system. I told him that walking around the city after dark is a fact of life for a city girl without a car, and I'm used to it. Then he made a comment about how I can take care of myself, and I said if we hit it off, he can pick me up anytime he likes and that'll be much nicer than the CTA. He responded well to that. I grew up poor, but ALWAYS had the mentality that I was bound for something better than that. I've worked my butt off to get there - and continue to do so. I've had "offers" to shack up with rich guys who barely even knew me (big turn-off for me), but I never went for it because I value a meaningful life over a merely comfortable one. But this guy didn't lead with his money or anything material. What attracts me is that he's very intelligent, articulate, thoughtful, fun, and we just have a ton in common. He already feels like my kinda person. I'm really excited for the date!!
Badsingularity Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I wouldn't care. She could also make much more than me and I wouldn't care.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Well, the date was pretty terrific. I had a blast, and I learned that he's even more accomplished than I thought. He's a doctor who started his own medical research company that is doing great, and his next big career goal is to start a foundation related to his work. He's brilliant, and we were toe to toe conversationally almost the whole way - until he started talking about money and investing, areas where I'm not that sharp yet but told him I hope I can learn more about from him. He was a total gentleman with the flirtation, and I chose not to resist him. So he spent the night, took me out for brunch this afternoon, and suggested we get together this week to play tennis. We're both former competitive players, and I cannot wait to get him on the court! I did feel some nervousness about bringing him back to my humble abode, but he didn't seem to have any judgment about it. Is it a real match? I'm not sure yet. But truly, I'm not even concerned about it. I'm just so glad I'm going on fun dates again. The sex right off the bat is a fairly new phenomenon for me, and I feel OK about it. In this case, I'm 35, he's 40, it was clear we both wanted it - so why wait?
Pierre Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Well, the date was pretty terrific. I had a blast, and I learned that he's even more accomplished than I thought. He's a doctor who started his own medical research company that is doing great, and his next big career goal is to start a foundation related to his work. He's brilliant, and we were toe to toe conversationally almost the whole way - until he started talking about money and investing, areas where I'm not that sharp yet but told him I hope I can learn more about from him. He was a total gentleman with the flirtation, and I chose not to resist him. So he spent the night, took me out for brunch this afternoon, and suggested we get together this week to play tennis. We're both former competitive players, and I cannot wait to get him on the court! I did feel some nervousness about bringing him back to my humble abode, but he didn't seem to have any judgment about it. Is it a real match? I'm not sure yet. But truly, I'm not even concerned about it. I'm just so glad I'm going on fun dates again. The sex right off the bat is a fairly new phenomenon for me, and I feel OK about it. In this case, I'm 35, he's 40, it was clear we both wanted it - so why wait? Everything is perfect and perhaps putting out right away in your age bracket is OK. However, I have misgivings about too much too fast. I hope he is not a player. It is easy to play women when one has a good income. Women are naturally attracted to success and power (even if they are not gold diggers). Otherwise, I am happy for you.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Everything is perfect and perhaps putting out right away in your age bracket is OK. However, I have misgivings about too much too fast. I hope he is not a player. It is easy to play women when one has a good income. Women are naturally attracted to success and power (even if they are not gold diggers). Otherwise, I am happy for you. Thanks. I'm not worried about it. Whether it was one fun night or turns into something more, I feel good about it.
Pierre Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Thanks. I'm not worried about it. Whether it was one fun night or turns into something more, I feel good about it. I am glad you are always positive and optimistic! That is the best way to handle dating. You are still quite young and when Mr. Right comes along it will be magic. As for high earners. Always watch how they treat subordinates and those below them. Watch how he interacts with waiters.
Sanman Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I prefer someone who has a good career. That said, living within your means and being able to support oneself is more important to me than how much money one makes. It is easy to be irresponsible with money even when one makes large sums. In this particular case, I don't think that money will be an issue. This guy likely makes more than most women he dates. Growing up in an upper middle class family, the question becomes whether you fit into his world rather than how much you make. Having dated women who grew up in poorer families than I did, I know there is a bit of a culture shock when dating people that grew up in different SES levels. Some of it good (many of them are less status driven and materialistic than upper middle class women) and some of it bad (usually more family and friends judgemental about things like non-traditional upbringing, substance abuse issues in family or your past, etc in a partner). In the end, whether any of that matters is completely dependent on the man. 1
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I am glad you are always positive and optimistic! That is the best way to handle dating. You are still quite young and when Mr. Right comes along it will be magic. Thanks As for high earners. Always watch how they treat subordinates and those below them. Watch how he interacts with waiters. He's an old-school gentleman through and through. He was very friendly and polite with everyone who helped us - he even made sure to remember the valet's name and thank him personally when we left the restaurant. He suggested to me that his biggest problem in relationships has been that women take advantage of his generosity and caring nature. I told him I've had "offers" from well-to-do fellas who knew almost nothing about me, and it was never enticing. One of my few hesitations right now is because I want to make sure I'm not assuming there's more compatibility than there actually is because he makes everything so easy on me. I want us both to be with a great match. Also, he still seems a bit cynical and fearful - my antidote to that is just having a fun time and being totally honest and sincere, as I always am. And he's close to his well-to-do family, and I'm not close to my screwed-up family - so we might find it hard to relate on that point. Anyway, we'll see what happens on the tennis court.
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