Teknoe Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 (edited) Like many guys around the world and many people here on LS, I know all too well about developing crushes, becoming friends with said crush, and playing the shoulder to cry on (but never the boyfriend, well, except once) and eventually confessing your undying affection months later into the friendship. Sometimes I would focus so much on the idea of how much I like the girl, that I would neglect MY OWN PERSONAL life. Career, friendships, family time and such took a major blow, as I spent the majority of my time reading message boards for advice, asking people for advice, daydreaming... hell, I even googled how my Myers-Briggs personality would mesh up with hers -- and then combing through the various 20 page topics on the net regarding that (you know what I'm talking about....). These activities were not uncommon occurrences throughout the day and even up to 3 AM. I was basically obsessive with this (usually unrealistic) fantasy I had built up in my mind. All I daydreamt about was how I'd confess, she'd tell me the feeling is mutual, we'd kiss, and basically live happily ever after. I was always so caught up in the DESTINATION, but never the journey to get to that destination. Until my friend James, God bless his honest heart, gave me a direct face to face, heart to heart talk about my womanizing. James: OK Tek. Let's say you tell Lisa that you like her. Let's pretend, for argument sake, that she even says she likes you back. Tek: That would be awesome. James: Yeah but... Tek: That would be a dream come true, haha... James: Yeah but... Tek: I would be the happiest guy on earth! James: -_- Tek: Oh I'm sorry, you just painted a very favorable picture, that's all. You were trying to say something else? James: Yes. Do you mind? Tek: Go for it James: Say you tell Lisa you like her. And say she even says back "I like you too, Tek!" Tek: Awesome.... James: -_- Tek: My bad. Continue James: OK, what now? Tek: *pause* What? I don't get it James: *patience* It's great IF she likes you back, but OK, what now? Tek: *in deep thought* James: *waits patiently* Tek: That's a really good question... Basically, the gist is, it helps to know what you really want out of life, and that goes beyond just having a girlfriend. What values do you uphold, what beliefs do you stand up for, what wakes you up in the morning (not your alarm...)... basically, what kind of life would you be building with your partner... because while the initial couple months of excitement going to movies or watching movies at home on the couch is exciting... eventually, that excitement dies out. And life is more than just about the physical benefits and idle entertainment. It's about building a bridge together and having similar visions and goals for what you want out of life as an individual, and as a couple. James opened my eyes to not look through the lens of self-absorption, which is how I looked at girls for the longest time. Some people are ready to really date, while others, like me, need to slow down and re-focus our priorities. Another good question, in addition to "OK, what now?" that James posed was this: "Am I the person I'm looking for is looking for?" (read that slowly and carefully) I think for the longest time I refused to look at myself in the mirror honestly BUT ALSO NOT self-condemningly. There IS a healthy balance between the two that you can exercise. I just felt the need to share my thoughts and create this topic. I don't know who it might have spoken to, but it's my hope that it gave some folks extra shades to their current perspective. Some food for thought. Ultimately, it's your life and you call the shots. I'm just sharing what I've learned in recent times. Sometimes it helps to stop and ask yourself, honestly, "OK, what now?" Edited April 13, 2012 by Teknoe
somedude81 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 You speak as if everybody in a relationship has asked themselves those questions.
Author Teknoe Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 You speak as if everybody in a relationship has asked themselves those questions. And that is your interpretation. You have a right to interpret it however you want. I find personally a helpful way though is to distance myself emotionally from a question... and just ask it. Ask it for yourself. And apply it. Rather than focusing on who is right, who is wrong, what's been thought of already before, etc. Since you responded in my thread, I'll ask you specifically. Say D said she liked you back. OK, then what? Seriously. It's a good question to ask oneself. My crush says she likes me. OK, now what?
somedude81 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 "Then what?" Uh, we'd get into a relationship like normal people do. Just figure out how things work over time. There is no need to get philosophical over it.
sid3 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I read that slowly and carefully, and reread it even slower and more carefully, and it still made absolutely no sense. I'm pretty sure it never will. Otherwise I think I get what you were saying. I haven't told a crush 'I like her' since second or third grade. I think I'm going to give it try though, and soon, just for the shock factor!
Author Teknoe Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 Uh, we'd get into a relationship like normal people do. Just figure out how things work over time. There is no need to get philosophical over it. Are you taking your own advice? i.e. I've seen tons of "how do I do this/get that" threads from you. Why not just ask out girls (that you meet for the first or second time) like normal people do?
somedude81 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Are you taking your own advice? i.e. I've seen tons of "how do I do this/get that" threads from you. Why not just ask out girls (that you meet for the first or second time) like normal people do? That's not what I thought your thread was about. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were focused on the, "What do I do if she does like me back" question.
Author Teknoe Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 That's not what I thought your thread was about. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were focused on the, "What do I do if she does like me back" question. What does it matter? What's more important here, staying strictly on topic, or going off on a tangent that may well be very relevant to you? And remember, I didn't call you out. You replied first and so I replied back. It's like a conversation. We may start off on 1 topic, but we can switch it up after 5 minutes. I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this question: Are you taking your own advice? i.e. I've seen tons of "how do I do this/get that" threads from you. Why not just ask out girls (that you meet for the first or second time) like normal people do? What is stopping you from doing so? What steps can you take to break down your fears?
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