soups Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Hey everyone. Just found this site and after months of being confused beyond belief I figured it would be a good place for me to ask (vent) about my current situation.... let me preface this by saying I do well meeting women. I'm a handsome guy, I have confidence and am very likable (personable). That's not me being arrogant. I just recognize a problem. for as long as I can remember all my relationships have been sexual in nature. I have never had a girlfriend for more than a few months. I have never considered someone my partner. but for the last few years that is EXACTLY what I have wanted. I don't believe sex is the most important part of a relationship. I am ready to commit to someone and share experiences with them. I am ready to have fun with them on a regular basis. I want someone to not only be my partner but one of my best friends...it just NEVER happens. my guess is since I want it so bad I jump the gun when I meet someone I can picture myself being with for an extended period of time. I say things to quick. I develop feelings rather rapidly. and most of the time they are passing phases. this is completely different though.....I will try to make it short as possible as to not waste anyone's valuable time.... I moved to Dallas last year from NY. Barely knowing anyone I decide to jump on OkCupid (having done ok on there in the past). I meet a few women but nothing that exactly leaves me wanting more than an acquaintance. I meet this girl (she is 25. I am 29) and she is extremely cute. Something about her I become very attracted to. We date for a few months. I develop feelings for her. I kind of let her know in a roundabout way that I have these feelings for her as to not scare her off (I am well aware that in the past it has been proven the more you chase the more the other person backs off). She tells me she has feelings for me as well. I get a little closer. Things are going great. She isn't into sex as much as I am and a little inexperienced but I look past that because like I said it isn't a big deal to me since I am really into her and want to invest time. We spend a lot of time together. She stays over frequently. We go out to eat a lot. She is affectionate with me in public. I couldn't be more happy... So she lives with some room mates and decides to finally get her own place. When she does this she completely goes off the radar. Starts bailing on me with dates. Never stays over anymore. Never invites me over. I see her for an hour a week if that. The communication via phone becomes increasingly sporadic. I question her about it and she tells me this is the first time she has ever been by herself and wants to experience it. I think that is fair and I say that is cool with me but maybe we should still be able to see each other more frequently. She agrees but doesn't act upon it. After all of this I grow increasingly skeptical of it all and tell her we should tone it down a little bit because it is obvious something is wrong. She agrees.2 days later she is telling me "i am crazy about you". I go back in and she backs off again. So in return I back off. Then 2 days later she tells me she loves me. Then she meets up with me, tells me she loves me in person, kisses me, hangs out for a few hours but confesses she can't have a relationship and she needs to figure herself out. Swears to me she is NOT interested in anyone else and doesn't want to pursue anything with ANYONE. Yet she constantly is going out with friends, telling me I don't understand and saying we can't be together. In the next breath, she is telling me how she misses me and holding me and acting like she is my girlfriend. Basically we have been in contact for the last month without seeing one another in person, she is slowly fading away as per her request and i see her back on OkCupid (she claims it is for fun when she is bored pshh). Is there seriously something wrong in the way I acted? Normally at this point I would have just walked away from the situation but she says little things that keep me around "I'm sorry i didn't know/still don't know how i feel". She basically told me all these things. Told me how she loves being with me. Enjoys being with me. Wants to be with me. But can't. and she doesn't know why. The only excuse is she CAN'T be with anyone. I find this girl so attractive to me. From her mind to her body and just personality. Besides for how she has been treating me, I have no qualms with her at all. There is something about her that won't let me walk away from her. I have told her this several times.... What did I do? What can I do? I have told her "look I am an adult. If it's just me you don't want to be with. or you want to date other people. or whatever. just let me know". Instead she kind of keeps me at arms length. Maybe seeing if something better comes along and if not she will want me back... It just kind of ended out of nowhere and when i say "but you said this. but you said that" she goes mute. Like she just said it to say it.... It is really hurting me right now. I have tried to date other people and I just think about her. It is an awful feeling. I feel like I am going to be hurt one way or another way more than I already am. But I am either an idiot or doing something wrong. or maybe she is the nut job and I am better off without her.... I just don't know. hence this super long run on sentence!
prune juice Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 she's crazy. better start looking for a new gal if you ask me.
Author soups Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 lately it has been more like she's making me think I AM the crazy one. "you don't get it" actually you're right i don't and today she agreed to go out and eat soon?
sid3 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Wow. Next she's going to tell you she had sex with someone else for the good of your relationship. Hope you're long gone before that happens. Is she crazy? It's possible, selfish? definitely, no question about it. There is nothing about her that is keeping you from being able to walk away. Your the only one responsible for that. Back on OKC, just for fun? I hope you don't believe that. Why any man would stick around after that is beyond me.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 What did I do? What can I do? I have told her "look I am an adult. If it's just me you don't want to be with. or you want to date other people. or whatever. just let me know". Instead she kind of keeps me at arms length. Maybe seeing if something better comes along and if not she will want me back... This is all it is. I think she didnt want to be alone, she was bored, dated you to pass the time. If she wasnt into the sex, its because she wasnt into you. As you saw, her actions and words didnt match. She is a horrible liar. She kept telling you thinbgs that you needed to hear so that she could keep you wanting her while she was looking for someone new. No doubt as soon as she got distant from you is when she started seeing someone new, but he wasnt giving her full attention, she was chasing him, and needed you as a backup. So everything she said, cant be with anyone, wants to be alone for a while, only goes on dating sites for fun, not dating, they are common excuses used ad nauseum around here, and you can tell she was lying. I think you did your usual mistake, you got attached too early without seeing if she was truly into you, it takes months to see that. 1
Author soups Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 (edited) see here is where it gets tricky though. and i am not using any of this as an excuse to feel better about my situation... i am supposedly the second person she has been with. she never initiated sex. was uncomfortable. even told me before we were intimate that she's not that experienced. when she began being distant i honestly do not think she met someone else. i really think it had to do with being alone for the first time in her life. she swears on it and i actually believe her. and in the days of social networking i know who she hangs out with and when she works and it all checks out... i honestly think it had nothing to do with someone else. and all her... as far as being back on the dating site YES i agree i am being lied to. that is obvious. i know for a fact she doesn't do a damn thing and is super awkward and that is what i find kind of endearing about her. she is super weird. beyond that i don't know. i mean i am even seeing other people. but she is constantly in the back of my mind... Edited April 13, 2012 by soups
fluffybunny0 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 If she's never been in a relationship, she's probably never broken up with anyone. Or been broken up with. So doesn’t realise that the best way is the quick way. I think she doesn't want to be with you anymore but doesn't want to be fully alone or feel bad for hurting your feelings. Sounds like you did the right thing to just move on; she was as confused as she was making you. It’s a shame she fit you so well. Maybe later on once she’s sorted her stuff out she might look you up again. But in the meantime, she’s not good enough. L
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