dsw31 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 So I have already told you guys this but, the last contact I had with my ex was flipping him the bird, the day after he texted me saying that "I looked beautiful" when he saw me the day before. I gotta admit-having no contact at all is helping me to get over him.This has been the longest time in 3 years of knowing him that we haven't spoken at all. Now I am having these thoughts - Does he think I hate him? (I kind of do) - Was he just contacting me before to "be my friend" and help me through the breakup? -Is he glad that we no longer speak? -Is he dating someone else already? I have lots of questions but I guess it's for the best.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 If he cared, he would contact you. He moved on. If he was contacting you to be friends, it was to help HIM get over things and move on, not to help you.
Author dsw31 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 If he cared, he would contact you. He moved on. If he was contacting you to be friends, it was to help HIM get over things and move on, not to help you. OUCH! I kinda think you are right but, I also kinda think he knows I am mad at him so, he is waiting for me to cool down so he can throw breadcrumbs again.Possible??
Nohbody Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 This is going to be hard for you for quite a while. One of the first things you need to understand is that the answer to every one of your questions is "It doesn't matter." 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 OUCH! I kinda think you are right but, I also kinda think he knows I am mad at him so, he is waiting for me to cool down so he can throw breadcrumbs again.Possible?? I didn't mean to sting you; I just want for you to see that it truly doesn't matter what the ex thinks; he's out of the picture. Tossing you breadcrumbs by texting you a compliment is rubbing salt in a wound. He just cares about himself. I doubt he's mad at anything at this point. It's best to heal and move on.
Author dsw31 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 No harm done B&B! Thanks for your input! Thanks to you too Nohbody.I need this kind of reassurance. I get the urge to text him, even just to argue with him but, it fades quicker with each time. I'm like a crachead looking for my next hit! This is just as bad as a drug addiction 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 No harm done B&B! Thanks for your input! Thanks to you too Nohbody.I need this kind of reassurance. I get the urge to text him, even just to argue with him but, it fades quicker with each time. I'm like a crachead looking for my next hit! This is just as bad as a drug addiction Yes, it is!! But remember the damage it can do to you. Suppose you call him and he gives you the cold shoulder. Also, simply by calling him, you added to his ego and took away from your own. I am glad the urge is fading. No good can come of you texting/calling. You have to start being good to yourself.
Author dsw31 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 Yes, it is!! But remember the damage it can do to you. Suppose you call him and he gives you the cold shoulder. Also, simply by calling him, you added to his ego and took away from your own. I am glad the urge is fading. No good can come of you texting/calling. You have to start being good to yourself. The hard part of it is, I know he won't give me the cold shoulder.He will probably be very nice.But you are sooo right...it will feed his ego,which is something that I definitely don't want to do.I keep telling myself that I don't want to be like his other 2 ex's.They are still so in love with him years after the breakup.I want him to really miss my friendship.I'm better than that.If I can't get the whole kit & caboodle,I want him to really suffer the loss of me.
Nohbody Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 If I can't get the whole kit & caboodle,I want him to really suffer the loss of me. That's the spirit. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 The hard part of it is, I know he won't give me the cold shoulder.He will probably be very nice.But you are sooo right...it will feed his ego,which is something that I definitely don't want to do.I keep telling myself that I don't want to be like his other 2 ex's.They are still so in love with him years after the breakup.I want him to really miss my friendship.I'm better than that.If I can't get the whole kit & caboodle,I want him to really suffer the loss of me. It wont feed his ego, if he cant keep you hanging around for an occasional shag. He will not miss your friendship, otherwise he wouldnt have broken up with you. He says he was hurting, he said he wanted to be friends, he wasnt hurting, he just knows what to say to keep you hanging on. So since he doesnt want everything of who you are, its not a loss for him. - Does he think I hate him? (I kind of do) - Was he just contacting me before to "be my friend" and help me through the breakup? -Is he glad that we no longer speak? -Is he dating someone else already? These are all easy questions, since I have been in his shoes before. Its harsh, but it will help you get over him faster. - Does he think I hate him? He doesnt care if you hate him, when hes not interested in you romantically, he could care less. Men dont care if women hate them. I dont know why women worry about this. - Was he just contacting me before to "be my friend" and help me through the breakup? Not to help you through the breakup, def not to be your friend, he was just curious if youre ok. But he wouldnt carry on a meaningful conversation because he knows you still want to try. -Is he glad that we no longer speak? Yes, its easier for him when he can avoid seeing you hurt. -Is he dating someone else already? If he doesnt have his eye on someone, then he is dating someone. On a rare occasion, he breaks it off because you drove him away. 1
Author dsw31 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 It wont feed his ego, if he cant keep you hanging around for an occasional shag. He will not miss your friendship, otherwise he wouldnt have broken up with you. He says he was hurting, he said he wanted to be friends, he wasnt hurting, he just knows what to say to keep you hanging on. So since he doesnt want everything of who you are, its not a loss for him. These are all easy questions, since I have been in his shoes before. Its harsh, but it will help you get over him faster. - Does he think I hate him? He doesnt care if you hate him, when hes not interested in you romantically, he could care less. Men dont care if women hate them. I dont know why women worry about this. . - Was he just contacting me before to "be my friend" and help me through the breakup? Not to help you through the breakup, def not to be your friend, he was just curious if youre ok. But he wouldnt carry on a meaningful conversation because he knows you still want to try. -Is he glad that we no longer speak? Yes, its easier for him when he can avoid seeing you hurt. -Is he dating someone else already? If he doesnt have his eye on someone, then he is dating someone. On a rare occasion, he breaks it off because you drove him away. Hey Eddie, I do appreciate your response but no every situation is the same. First of all- I do not care if he thinks I hate him.I was just wondering if that's why he cooled off the calling/texting for now. 2nd-We were actually friends.He has told me a million times that he has no friends that he can tell things to except for me. 3rd-You are probably right that he is glad he doesn't have to see me hurting 4th-You are probably right that he is either eyeing someone or already dating. You're probably not familiar with my story but here's a quick rundown... I cheated on him in the very beginning our our relationship with a guy who was my best friend.He was always suspicious of the guy anyway & then he pretty much caught me when I did it.I denied it for about a year.He gradually distanced himself from me & started his own cheating spree.We broke up for 4 months-he called,texted,emailed constantly & we eventually started hanging out again every single day.I finally admitted that I cheated & he said he could never feel the same way about me & that all he wants to do is have sex with a ny woman he can.He told me that our relationship was broken & he said that we should try to let it grow back to be committed naturally.He felt like I was forcing him to commit & I just couldn't take it anymore because I always felt like he would cheat so I became insecure & we just could not get our **** together.We finally broke up for good but the ONE thing that I am sure of is,he will miss my friendship. Thanks again for your insight
Author dsw31 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 It wont feed his ego, if he cant keep you hanging around for an occasional shag. He will not miss your friendship, otherwise he wouldnt have broken up with you. He says he was hurting, he said he wanted to be friends, he wasnt hurting, he just knows what to say to keep you hanging on. So since he doesnt want everything of who you are, its not a loss for him. These are all easy questions, since I have been in his shoes before. Its harsh, but it will help you get over him faster. - Does he think I hate him? He doesnt care if you hate him, when hes not interested in you romantically, he could care less. Men dont care if women hate them. I dont know why women worry about this. . - Was he just contacting me before to "be my friend" and help me through the breakup? Not to help you through the breakup, def not to be your friend, he was just curious if youre ok. But he wouldnt carry on a meaningful conversation because he knows you still want to try. -Is he glad that we no longer speak? Yes, its easier for him when he can avoid seeing you hurt. -Is he dating someone else already? If he doesnt have his eye on someone, then he is dating someone. On a rare occasion, he breaks it off because you drove him away. Hey Eddie, I do appreciate your response but not every situation is the same. First of all- I do not care if he thinks I hate him.I was just wondering if that's why he cooled off the calling/texting for now. 2nd-We were actually friends.He has told me a million times that he has no friends that he can tell things to except for me.This is genuine 3rd-You are probably right that he is glad he doesn't have to see me hurting 4th-You are probably right that he is either eyeing someone or already dating. You're probably not familiar with my story but here's a quick rundown... I cheated on him in the very beginning our our relationship with a guy who was my best friend.He was always suspicious of the guy anyway & then he pretty much caught me when I did it.I denied it for about a year.He gradually distanced himself from me & started his own cheating spree.We broke up for 4 months-he called,texted,emailed constantly & we eventually started hanging out again every single day.I finally admitted that I cheated & he said he could never feel the same way about me & that all he wants to do is have sex with as many woman he can.He told me that our relationship was broken & he said that we should try to let it grow back to be committed naturally.He felt like I was forcing him to commit & I just couldn't take it anymore because I always felt like he would cheat so I became insecure & we just could not get our sh*t together.We finally broke up for good but the ONE thing that I am sure of is,he will miss my friendship. Thanks again for your insight
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 . Men dont care if women hate them. I dont know why women worry about this. Speaking as a man, I disagree. In a big way. I know she is saying not nice things about me and is claiming she hates me, and it hurts. A lot. I care. I know I shouldn't, but I do.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 2nd-We were actually friends.He has told me a million times that he has no friends that he can tell things to except for me. Is he telling you things he doesnt tell anyone else now that you two arent really talking, and he's holding your cheating over your head?
Author dsw31 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 Is he telling you things he doesnt tell anyone else now that you two arent really talking, and he's holding your cheating over your head? He would be but, I cut off contact last week because it hurts me to be his friend
Mack05 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 He cares, trust me he cares. Unless a dumper is a callous cruel person they care, even when they say or act like they don't. Sometimes you just have to read between the lines. The point you need to drill into yourself is whether he cares or not it doesn't matter. Eddie is kind of right though. When a man is over a woman he couldn't care less what she or her friends think of him. There are three sides to every story, his, yours and the truth somewhere in the middle. He is in the process of moving on. Leave him be. Take advice from a man that break NC recently. It's not worth the pain. As hard as it is, the questions you have are not important to your future or your healing. Try find a way of letting go and moving on.. 1
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