KathyM Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I haven't read all the responses, but I'd say the best way to know if a guy is just going to pump and dump is to give the relationship time to develop and get to know the guy well enough first before becoming intimate. Guys who are just looking to pump and dump won't stick around if you are not putting out within a short amount of time. Guys who are looking for a relationship above anything else will be willing to wait for sex, and will be more interested in getting to know you and developing a relationship with you.
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I haven't read all the responses, but I'd say the best way to know if a guy is just going to pump and dump is to give the relationship time to develop and get to know the guy well enough first before becoming intimate. Guys who are just looking to pump and dump won't stick around if you are not putting out within a short amount of time. Guys who are looking for a relationship above anything else will be willing to wait for sex, and will be more interested in getting to know you and developing a relationship with you. that's not necessarily true, as a man who has 'pumped and dumped' women in the past you would be amazed at the lengths we men can go to for a girl we have only a passing interest in. because when men behave that way, a lot of them are doing so because they only want the chase. sex is fine, but it's the end of the line, the revealing of the plot, the last scene in the story. in that case the chase being extended for awhile doesn't drive such men away, it's simply a challenge to be overcome. i know it's hard for women to grasp that sex isn't a magic pill that they can steer men with, and that they are in fact not the special unique snowflake that mom and dad told them they are, but that's how it is. sex is all fine and good, but trust me, coming from someone who does just fine meeting and dating women, sex or lack thereof within a certain time frame is not going to either catch or deter me. 1
KathyM Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 that's not necessarily true, as a man who has 'pumped and dumped' women in the past you would be amazed at the lengths we men can go to for a girl we have only a passing interest in. because when men behave that way, a lot of them are doing so because they only want the chase. sex is fine, but it's the end of the line, the revealing of the plot, the last scene in the story. in that case the chase being extended for awhile doesn't drive such men away, it's simply a challenge to be overcome. i know it's hard for women to grasp that sex isn't a magic pill that they can steer men with, and that they are in fact not the special unique snowflake that mom and dad told them they are, but that's how it is. sex is all fine and good, but trust me, coming from someone who does just fine meeting and dating women, sex or lack thereof within a certain time frame is not going to either catch or deter me. Seems to me I saw you on another thread claiming you wouldn't stay with a girl who didn't put out within a short time after starting to date. Now you're saying you would wait an indefinate period of time for her to put out. Which is it? Guys who are only interested in pump and dump usually don't have the patience to wait for long. They'll move on to an easier target.
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Seems to me I saw you on another thread claiming you wouldn't stay with a girl who didn't put out within a short time after starting to date. Now you're saying you would wait an indefinate period of time for her to put out. Which is it? Guys who are only interested in pump and dump usually don't have the patience to wait for long. They'll move on to an easier target. that's true, i wouldn't stay, consciously or subconsciously i'd check out of such a relationship. but in all of those cases the sex was just a symptom, it wasn't the sickness. the sickness is lack of communication, lack of effort, and lack of a whole list of other things. while my point stands that men can and will go to great lengths if they are the type that enjoy the chase, at some point it's like spending too much on a 10 year old car. it's just not worth it, the value isn't going to be there no matter how much you work on it. a woman putting sex on a pedestal who dates from a position of distrust has literally NOTHING to offer a man. nothing. at least the women who want sex have that to offer. even if it isn't enough to keep the men they date around. so while such a woman may avoid the ever popular 'pump and dump', she won't find that happy relationship she wants either, because she's sitting at the table empty handed the vast majority of the time.
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