SPECIAL FRIENDS/ WANT TO MAKE IT MORE? HOW CAN i GET HIM TO COMMIT TO A LDR?

[sally1530]

Okay, here it is:

 

Lets call this special friend Mr. M and so we met when he was moving out of town to Virginia. I met him about 2 and half years ago, I had a mutual friend who set up to go on a trip together with two mutual friends. Nothing happened, but sparks seemed to be there a bit. Kept in touch via email and phone seldomly, he came into town , he has family here and lots of friends and asked me out of the blue to hang out with me for a drink, he made a pass a me and asked me if we wanted to take it to the next level... I thought sure , I was really attracted to him, and knew he was a nice guy. I wasnt really good friends but kinda friends with him. It was great and then he asked me to come for a visit by him , I flew out about 2 months later and spent a weekend with him, it was great at first, then it got ackward, he seemed to be pulling away. I went home and he said we didnt have enough in common and he wasnt interested in a LDR. He had a LDR in the past ( had a finace who called it off) and wasnt wanting to go that way again and get hurt. So anyway I moved on and the next month I found a great guy ( I thought) we will call him Mr. T and he proposed this past x-mas after 10 months of dating and then he called off the wedding one month before the date because I found out he had his profile on a wedsite w/his picture looking for sex and email other gals. So Mr. T and I havent had contact for 2 months now. Mr. M found out I was single again and offer to have me out for a visit. I flew out, thought he would understand ... being in almost the same situation before and we had a wonderful special friend experience that weekend. We had alot more in common and well we were friends during the day and at night we couldnt keep our hands off each other. We have this sexual chemisty that is really great. He thinks im wonderful but doesnt want to pursue a LDR. Hes coming back into town and im seeing him on July 5th as a special friend again. I just want to be with him and well the special friend thing is not up my alley , but this is all he is willing to give me other than friendship, is there anything I can do to make him consider more than special friends? I really like this guy and want to be with him? What should I do. He is a really nice perso and someone who I want to get to know better. Can anyone help? Any men out there with any advice on this?

[StartingAgain]

There is nothing you can do to make him consider anything more than what you currently have. Certainly not an LDR, nor should you even try. There is only one way for an LDR to work and that's if both people love one another enough to put a lot of effort into the relationship. He comes to town and the two of you hook up for sex. You go to him and he gets uncomfortable and then tells you he doesn't want an LDR after you've got back home. You have no more in common now than you had the first time the two of you hooked up. Can't you see what's up here? This is about sex for him, nothing more. It seems to me that he's made this pretty clear. If you don't want to be his "special friend" and he doesn't want an LDR, the two of you aren't looking for the same thing and should go your separate ways.

[sally1530]

He says hes interested in being friends, and having the benefits.... but then it gets a bit awkward in a way. Its really hard for me to do that. He said if I lived by him it would be maybe different, but hes already had a bad experience with LDR that left his heart broken. It sucks , I would totally move by him if we had a LDR that was working for a few months...thats cause hes a good catch. and all.

 

Any advice.

[StartingAgain]

He's already told you what he wants out of the relationship: a woman friend who he can hook up with for sex. If ther two of you were closer, MABYE. You don't go moving across the country chasing a man on a maybe. I hope a few women who've been there, done that, and are still smoking from the burns, come in hear to tell you like it is. He's been burned himself and he has made it clear he's not ready to try it again. A successfull LDR is a very, very rare thing. Nearly all of them fail, because they are so hard to sustain. He may be a "good catch" for someone, but apparently not for you, at least not at this point in time. As I said, you aren't comfortable with what he wants and vice versa. If you are both firm on what you want and are willing to do, I'd say this relationship has already run it's course. If you really like this man so much, why don't you just chill a bit and give it time to see if the relationship progresses naturally to a point to where he may want more. There's no rush.

[sally1530]

WEll thats what im trying to do.... I havent discussed LDR to him at all.... I just am playing it cool right now and seeing if we see and talk to each other if that will make the relationship deeper. Thanks for the advice.

[RackEmUp]

StartingAgain put it perfectly...this guy is already getting what he wants. You're not.

 

I have a hard time seeing just WHAT you like about "special Mr. M". But one thing I like about him is that at least he is clear about what he wants, and how to get it. Wish I could say the same about you.

 

I don't know where you live, but I have to believe that there are men there. How about sticking with them?