What a mess...

[stillwater]

Hi, I just found this site the other day, and have been reading through a lot of threads. And I'm finding out a lot of what I'm going through is not unique at all... Maybe I should have read some of this before anything happened!

 

Up until last summer I was in a R with a gf of ~9 years. We own a house together, etc, but something never quite felt right about it. I'm not anti-marriage, but I wasn't sure she was the right one, so I never proposed even though she wanted me to. We went on a week-long vacation last spring and it just brought some of my problems with her to the forefront. After we got back I sent a text to one of my friends (MW) asking her if we could get together for a drink sometime, mainly I just wanted to rant, definitely wasn't looking for anything.

 

So MW, we've known each other for a dozen years or so. We were decent friends at the beginning in college but kind of fell out of touch for a few years before reconnecting ~3 years ago, but still barely saw each other (she lives an hour away). She's been married ~1.5 years now, but they dated for a long time before that, I think they got together around the same time me & my gf did.

 

Turns out she had gotten laid off and was interviewing for a job in my city. We met for lunch and things were great, she's always been the type I can pick up with after not talking forever and just click. She took a job here and we started hanging out fairly regularly. Of course she had complaints about her husband, so it started out as us complaining about our respective SO's. I still wasn't looking for anything, then one night we were texting and somehow it turned into sexting, and a week later we slept together. Neither of us was looking to get emotionally involved, I don't even know what I was looking for -- I've never cheated before. Maybe an easy (cowardly) way out from my R? Anyway, it quickly turned into an everyday thing, and soon we were falling for each other. A couple months later we were telling each other 'I love you', talking about leaving and being together, giving our babies names, the works. Around that time I told my gf I wasn't happy, and broke up with her before long after that and told her about the A. She didn't want to break up, but I insisted I was done.

 

MW claims to have told her H around that time, he also didn't want her to leave. She didn't leave, despite promising me that she would. They started going to counseling, which afaik has continued, despite her insistence "it's only to convince him it won't work". Yeah right. I told her from the beginning if things didn't change by (last) Christmas, I was out, and of course Christmas came and went without any change on either part. Well here we are today, and still not much has changed. I've tried going NC a couple times and it always ends after a few days. Sometimes I break, sometimes her. I know I don't want this anymore, and in my head I know that I really don't want to be with her long-term anyway. For all she claims to love me, I know the hell she's put me through is not love, and if she can do it to me now she can do it again. It's just so hard because of the connection we had, and it's hard for me to admit that I was so wrong about this person I felt so in love with. And I know this makes me sound like an a--hole, but part of me just doesn't want to "lose" to her H. And I'm mad at her for telling me all this stuff about how her M was unfulfilling, she wasn't happy, she only got married because she was turning 30 and was scared, and yada yada, and yet she wouldn't leave for whatever reason, even though this has now been going on for basically half her marriage -- and really, a lot of me doesn't even care if she leaves for me, but if what she says is true I think she needs to leave for her. (No kids in any of this, btw)

 

Through all this, my ex-gf has still kept in contact with me, even though she moved out a couple months ago. I think she still wants to, or at least would be willing to, get back together. And sometimes, after being treated the way I've been treated by MW, I think I must have been an idiot to break up with my gf, who loved me with all my heart. I just don't know why it wasn't enough for me. I also know I can't just go back to her, especially with all the mess with the MW going on. (And yes, for all I go on about how I've been mistreated, I totally understand that I've done a lot of mistreating through this whole thing too)

 

So, I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice here or just want to get me story out. I think my friends are sick of hearing me complain, especially my married friends that don't necessarily approve. Thanks for listening!

[Owl]

Never set a boundary that you're not willing to enforce.

 

Nothing has changed...why are you still in an affair with a married woman?

 

Nothing is going to change...she's got the situation right where she wants it. If she wanted change, she'd have changed it already. This tells you all you need to know.

 

As I mentioned in another thread..."Don't make some a priority if you're only an option to them.".

 

You're clearly not a priority to her...you informed her that you couldn't go on with her if she remained married...and here she is. Tells you lots about her priorities and choices.

 

The question is...when are you going to make the choice to change the situation from your side?

[nofool4u]

After we got back I sent a text to one of my friends (MW) asking her if we could get together for a drink sometime, mainly I just wanted to rant, definitely wasn't looking for anything.

 

Sorry, not buying it. Texting a woman who has a husband to go out for a drink? You knew what you were doing.

 

 

Turns out she had gotten laid off and was interviewing for a job in my city. We met for lunch and things were great, she's always been the type I can pick up with after not talking forever and just click. She took a job here and we started hanging out fairly regularly. Of course she had complaints about her husband

 

Oh but of course:rolleyes:

 

When someone wants to get in someone elses pants, there is always something about their spouse they can come up with to hook line and sinker the soon to be sex partner. And if they can't find something, they can always make something up.

 

 

so it started out as us complaining about our respective SO's.

 

And you knew this would happen which is why you asked her out for drinks.

 

You aren't going to admit it, but you had an ulterior motive.

 

I still wasn't looking for anything

 

You arranged this meeting for drinks to feel her out, test the waters. Again, I know you won't admit it, but nobody who has heard these stories thousands of times are fooled.

 

 

then one night we were texting and somehow it turned into sexting

 

"Somehow" eh?

 

 

and a week later we slept together. Neither of us was looking to get emotionally involved, I don't even know what I was looking for

 

Thought you said you weren't looking for anything, now you say you don't even know.

 

 

-- I've never cheated before. Maybe an easy (cowardly) way out from my R?

 

Perhaps, but now you have helped someone else stain their marriage.

 

And if you want out of your R, then get out of it.

 

 

And I know this makes me sound like an a--hole, but part of me just doesn't want to "lose" to her H.

 

So this is a competition now?

 

 

And I'm mad at her for telling me all this stuff about how her M was unfulfilling, she wasn't happy, she only got married because she was turning 30 and was scared, and yada yada, and yet she wouldn't leave for whatever reason, even though this has now been going on for basically half her marriage

 

Like I said, nobody is going to have a good chance at someone to willingly enter an affair with them if they are telling the other person that they have a good marriage.

 

The whole reason for someone like her, and you, complaining about your SO's is to plant the seed in each other's minds of "hey, they aren't really happy, maybe I can get something out of this"

 

 

Through all this, my ex-gf has still kept in contact with me, even though she moved out a couple months ago. I think she still wants to, or at least would be willing to, get back together. And sometimes, after being treated the way I've been treated by MW, I think I must have been an idiot to break up with my gf, who loved me with all my heart. I just don't know why it wasn't enough for me.

 

Well if you care anything for your x-gf, no matter how desperate she might seem to want you back in the future, do her a favor and do not entertain the idea.

[East7]

Through all this, my ex-gf has still kept in contact with me, even though she moved out a couple months ago. I think she still wants to, or at least would be willing to, get back together. And sometimes, after being treated the way I've been treated by MW, I think I must have been an idiot to break up with my gf, who loved me with all my heart. I just don't know why it wasn't enough for me. I also know I can't just go back to her, especially with all the mess with the MW going on. (And yes, for all I go on about how I've been mistreated, I totally understand that I've done a lot of mistreating through this whole thing too)

 

So, I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice here or just want to get me story out. I think my friends are sick of hearing me complain, especially my married friends that don't necessarily approve. Thanks for listening!

 

Gosh, get your GF back asap and get MW out of your life. Why would you trade a faithful and decent GF for someone else's wife ? Maybe your GF was too easy, to predictable but she was the ONLY one who really wanted to be with you.

 

I think you were looking for an escape and your MW fell for some cheap thrill. She wasn't looking for anyone and it is obvious she has no plan to be with you as she is working now on her M.

 

Owl is spot on : she is where she wants to be and not going to change it. Her words mean NOTHING. Actions talk a lot more.

 

You may be in love with MW but if you want to preserve your sanity and take your life back together cut her off completely.

 

PS. been there, done that, so I know what I'm talking about.

[whichwayisup]

And I know this makes me sound like an a--hole, but part of me just doesn't want to "lose" to her H.

 

Once you're out of the fog and thinking more clearly, (if you do manage to end things with her) you'll see how warped this is. You NEVER had her to begin with. She isn't and wasn't yours at all. It was an affair. To you, it was more..You ended your R with your gf (exit affair) and assumed she'd do the same thing.. Difference is, it's not that easy to pop out of a marriage like it is a relationship.

 

Make a decision and stick to it. Waivering back and forth certainly isn't doing any good.

 

Don't go back to your gf. Allow her to get over you so she can find love and happiness with someone who wants to marry her and start a life, family with her. You certainly aren't that guy..If you were, you would've married her a long time ago and wouldn't have put yourself in a situation where you got close to another (married) woman.

[despicableME]

I don't think you should get back with your x-GF right now. You haven't purged OW from your system. You're using her as a consolation prize(x-GF), if you were to jump straight into a relationship with her again.

 

You do know that you must come clean to your x-GF, if it were that the both of you found yourselves together again, right?

 

As for the OW... it looks like she took you for a ride, and you're still sitting in the passenger side waiting for her to return from running errands.

 

She's no good!

[stillwater]

Never set a boundary that you're not willing to enforce.

 

Nothing has changed...why are you still in an affair with a married woman?

 

Nothing is going to change...she's got the situation right where she wants it. If she wanted change, she'd have changed it already. This tells you all you need to know.

 

As I mentioned in another thread..."Don't make some a priority if you're only an option to them.".

 

You're clearly not a priority to her...you informed her that you couldn't go on with her if she remained married...and here she is. Tells you lots about her priorities and choices.

 

The question is...when are you going to make the choice to change the situation from your side?

 

The bolded line is some very good advice. I certainly feel like I've given her my best, and it's been a long time since I've gotten hers in return.

 

So, why am I still in it?

- When it's going good, it's going great. I feel amazing being around her. She's fun, makes me laugh, we can and do talk about everything, the usual stuff. Of course the feeling amazing around her has started to wear off as I realize it's all a charade.

- Part of me feels like this is still what I want, and she tends to give me just enough to keep hope alive. I'm clearly naive.

- Obviously I'm not strong enough to stand up for myself and really stick to NC.

- On a more prurient level, she's really attractive and the sex is fantastic.

 

When will I make the choice? I don't know. I really tried a couple weeks ago, I thought I was done, but she emailed me after almost a week and I wrote back, and that was that. Etc. I don't know, I never thought I'd be in this situation to be honest. It's been pretty limited contact the last couple weeks and I think that's helping me get stronger.

[stillwater]

Sorry, not buying it. Texting a woman who has a husband to go out for a drink? You knew what you were doing.

 

You can ascribe whatever motivations you want to why I got in touch with her originally, but no, it was not to get into her pants or drive a wedge in her M. I've talked about relationship problems with her in the past and nothing happened, and considering the fact that she had just gotten married, no I wasn't trying to feel anything out -- who expects someone to cheat after being married only 6 months? Anyway I tend to have a lot of female friends, and have never hooked up with them. It was a few months between when we first started hanging out to when anything happened, and there was a month-long stretch in there where we had no contact at all (and it wasn't an "I'm intentionally ignoring you" thing, I just hadn't bothered responding to an email for a long time). At the very beginning, there was no ulterior motive whatsoever, I just wanted someone to vent to, and I often find it easier to talk about this stuff with women than guys. With all due respect, I don't really care if you believe it or not.

 

"Somehow" eh?

I only said "somehow" to indicate that I don't remember exactly how it started -- i.e. who said what to get the ball rolling. Clearly neither of us did anything to stop it.

 

Thought you said you weren't looking for anything, now you say you don't even know.

Again, there were several months between the beginning when I wasn't looking for anything, and when we started sleeping together. Obviously some things had changed by then.

 

And if you want out of your R, then get out of it.

Hence why I said it was cowardly. I'm perfectly willing to own the completely crappy way I treated my ex gf.

 

So this is a competition now?

It sure feels like one sometimes. I feel like I'm being judged, sized up, compared, etc; like every "wrong" thing I do or say is going to make her think "well my H would never do that". Feelings I would never get in a real R. These feelings of insecurity are probably the worst part for me. So yes, if she stays in her M, to some extent I will feel like I'm losing a competition. Hey, I admitted it's not exactly my proudest moment. The whole thing has brought out the absolute worst in me.

 

I appreciate your reply.

[UpwardForward]

Girlfriend of nine years and never any plans to marry and then you move on to a woman who's unavailable?

 

 

I agree with most of the replies. You have made a mistake, and now you should do some soul searching, and think upon what you want.

 

Relationships usually work best, when people are complete within their selves, as far as being alone, etc.

 

Then if you still wish to return to your girl friend, give her the changed man she deserves.

 

Old fashioned as it seems, I believe live-in relationships are for marriage.

[frozensprouts]

have you told her that it hurts you that she won't seek a divorce? that she stays with her husband knowing that she made promises to you? does eh care that you ruined a relationship and broke someone else's heart just to be with her because you thought she felt the same about you that you do for her?

If she does know this, what does that tell you?

If she doesn't know, then tell her. tell her how you feel, don't mince words and try to spare her feelings. Stand up and take your power back because i'll tell you one thing i have learned...no one who really loves someone in a healthy way could knowingly hurt them the way she's hurting you.

 

She sounds no different than most of the other married men/women on here who string their affair partners along for their own selfish reasons...aren't you worth more than that?

 

you deserve better than to be on the periphery of someone's life...stuck in limbo, always waiting, hoping that today will be the day she tells you she's leaving him and coming to you. That day may well never happen. In the meantime, you've wasted time in your life that could have been spent being with someone who doesn't really want to be with you for any other reason than to use your for their own ends. i expect she got a real ego boost knowing that you broke up your long term relationship to be with her...

 

or are you one of the types that doesn't truly want a commitment, so being with a married person suits you because you get all of the "shine" with none of the substance....

 

seriously...you don't sound like a bad guy, and i do think that you deserve so much more than she's giving you. time to stand up for yourself and to stop letting her use you like this. You need to make some changes, otherwise, you'll wake up one day and realize that you've passed up an awful lot of amazing stuff in your life while you waited for her ( and though you say the "sex is amazing" and " we can talk about anything", I doubt she feels the same you do, otherwise, she'd be with you). Tell her you've had enough, and she needs to either "pee or get off the pot" ...

 

just my humble opinion...hope you are able to work all this out

( and please, don't go near your ex right now. You need to get your cr@p sorted first, otherwise, you could well end up breaking her heart all over again)

[stillwater]

I don't think you should get back with your x-GF right now. You haven't purged OW from your system. You're using her as a consolation prize(x-GF), if you were to jump straight into a relationship with her again.

 

I know, that's why I have no intention of doing it. It's easy when she's not around to start thinking it would be great, but then if we spend time together I remember what my problems were. Idk, it's a tough situation because obviously it was good enough to spend 9 years with her, I guess it just wasn't all there. I don't know. I can't explain it, and I realize how stupid I'm coming across here.

 

You do know that you must come clean to your x-GF, if it were that the both of you found yourselves together again, right?

My ex knows what's been going, she knows we've been seeing each other basically every day for months now. She has been incredibly supportive of me trying to get rid of MW actually. I ask her why and she says she knows it's hurting me and just wants to be happy. She's a much better person than I am, clearly.

 

Girlfriend of nine years and never any plans to marry and then you move on to a woman who's unavailable?

 

I sense you're going somewhere with this

Yes, I see how it comes across. We went to couples counseling a few times and the counselor basically said the same thing.

 

 

Thanks for the replies everyone, it's very helpful. I do know what I have to do, and it's good to hear it from other people. The hard part is actually doing it...

[whichwayisup]

When will I make the choice? I don't know. I really tried a couple weeks ago, I thought I was done, but she emailed me after almost a week and I wrote back, and that was that. Etc. I don't know, I never thought I'd be in this situation to be honest. It's been pretty limited contact the last couple weeks and I think that's helping me get stronger.

 

If you want it to end, make it impossible for her to contact you. Close that email account. Block her email address. Change your cell number. Your home number. That is, if you are serious about ending it.

 

If she wants you, then she can divorce her husband. Then you can date her and get to know her the proper way rather than it being an affair, and sneaking around, lying and helping her cheat on her husband.

[nofool4u]

You can ascribe whatever motivations you want to why I got in touch with her originally, but no, it was not to get into her pants or drive a wedge in her M.

 

Are we to believe that you thought that inviting someone elses wife out for drinks was not inappropriate?

 

 

With all due respect, I don't really care if you believe it or not.

 

Then don't try so hard to convince me.

 

 

It sure feels like one sometimes. I feel like I'm being judged, sized up, compared, etc; like every "wrong" thing I do or say is going to make her think "well my H would never do that". Feelings I would never get in a real R. These feelings of insecurity are probably the worst part for me. So yes, if she stays in her M, to some extent I will feel like I'm losing a competition.

 

Actually, with the exception of the sh***y way you treated your gf, you win by her staying with the H. She, although so are you, is a cheater. If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you.

 

And once the boredom of being with you for too long sets in, there would be another guy in the picture sooner or later, and she would be venting to him about how she isn't happy in a monogamous R with you.

[Emme]

My advice to you Stillwater is that you need to be alone. You need to a break from all of what's happening around you. Take the time to think about what you want out of your life. Stay single for about 2 years. Even if a woman you like comes into your grasp... just say no. I think you have to work on yourself before you can have a healthy relationship.

[nofool4u]

My advice to you Stillwater is that you need to be alone. You need to a break from all of what's happening around you. Take the time to think about what you want out of your life. Stay single for about 2 years. Even if a woman you like comes into your grasp... just say no. I think you have to work on yourself before you can have a healthy relationship.

 

I agree.

 

And no more asking married women out for drinks

[stillwater]

have you told her that it hurts you that she won't seek a divorce? that she stays with her husband knowing that she made promises to you? does eh care that you ruined a relationship and broke someone else's heart just to be with her because you thought she felt the same about you that you do for her?

If she does know this, what does that tell you?

 

Yup, I've told her. I sent her a rather scathing email last week about it, and we agreed not to see each other after that. Of course two days later I heard from her again, saying how much she misses me, blah blah blah. We didn't see each other for a few more days, but then we did again. You're right though, it basically tells me all I need to know.

 

Re: my ex, it's easy to blame MW for ruining the R, but honestly I think it's something that had to happen anyway. Again, I understand how cowardly/horrible/crappy it is to get out of a R like this, but I really feel like it wasn't headed for marriage and so it's probably for the best that it ended.

 

 

i expect she got a real ego boost knowing that you broke up your long term relationship to be with her...

Probably. She has low self-esteem (surprise surprise) so I'm sure it was great for her.

 

or are you one of the types that doesn't truly want a commitment, so being with a married person suits you because you get all of the "shine" with none of the substance....

Nope, I'm not like that at all. I can't stand the situation, and I've basically been an emotional wreck the last 4 or 5 months, like you said just hoping today would be the day. Lately I've realized it's never going to happen, but that doesn't always make it easier.

 

Thanks for the reply.

[stillwater]

Are we to believe that you thought that inviting someone elses wife out for drinks was not inappropriate?

 

I was friends with her for years before she even met the guy, let alone married him. I have a couple other married friends that I've known since high school that I sometimes hang out with independent of their husbands. Is it inappropriate? Perhaps, though neither they nor their H's nor my ex seemed to care. Does it mean my intentions are to get in their pants? Absolutely not.

 

Then don't try so hard to convince me.

*shrug* just providing some more of the back-story, and it's frustrating how many times you said in your OP that I had ulterior motives, as if I sought out this mess from the get-go.

 

My advice to you Stillwater is that you need to be alone. You need to a break from all of what's happening around you. Take the time to think about what you want out of your life. Stay single for about 2 years. Even if a woman you like comes into your grasp... just say no. I think you have to work on yourself before you can have a healthy relationship.

 

I would say that's spot on. There are some things I haven't done since I've been in my R, like seeing some more of the world. Sounds like a good opportunity...

Edited April 13, 2012 by stillwater

[nofool4u]

I was friends with her for years before she even met the guy, let alone married him. I have a couple other married friends that I've known since high school that I sometimes hang out with independent of their husbands. Is it inappropriate? Perhaps, though neither they nor their H's nor my ex seemed to care. Does it mean my intentions are to get in their pants? Absolutely not.

 

Doesn't matter. Its inappropriate, and you have proven why. Doesn't matter who minds and who doesn't. THAT is how it starts. Again, you have proven this. "Hanging out" with friends of the opposite sex without their spouses is a different matter and depends on the context. Specifically texting someone's wife to go to a bar with you is quite another.

 

And ponder this, you are now all upset that she decided to stay with her husband. So its not ok that she stayed with the man she married, but it was ok for you to get her away from her husband and go to a bar?

[stillwater]

Doesn't matter.

 

Fair enough. In any event, after all the heartache this has caused me, don't worry I won't be getting involved with any married folks ever again.

[wannabdone]

She will NEVER leave as long as you are in the picture, end of story. If she was going to leave with you in the picture, she would have done it long, long ago.

 

She has EVERYTHING she wants. A H, financial security through him, and the fun, sex and emotional support from you.

 

I left my xH, that I had been M to for several years and had a child with before I had even slept with my AP. It can happen, but she has proven she won't do it.

 

You continue seeing her, you will always be the someone else.

 

I disagree with everyone else that you should go back to your gf. Leave her be. She obviously loved you, and you were just fond of her. Seems like the way you talk about her is like having a good old dog, loyal and true. Not trying to be rude, but its apparent if you dated this chick for 9 years...she doesn't "light your fire". Give her the chance to find a man who she does light her fire. Give your self the chance to be someone's partner, and let the woman who obviously wants to stay in her M be TOTALLY in her M. Don't continue to make her M easier for her, because thats all your doing.

[despicableME]

I'm at a loss. Just to be clear... Are you still in the affair?

 

You go from saying that you haven't spoken to her in a while, but then claim that you can't go NC. Which is it? Are you guys seeing each other at the moment, or not?

[despicableME]

I disagree with everyone else that you should go back to your gf.

 

I'm of the same mind. The problem here is, his x-GF sounds like she's co-dependent. She actually knows about it, and the continuation of the affair, but hasn't shown any of the classic BW/BG traits. It sounds like she's ready to accept him back into the fold... sounds like rugsweeping to me.

 

I don't think that you really love your x-GF, though. I just think you miss her being there... you miss the stability... the familiarity of the relationship. Remember, you were already tossing baby names with OW. You were already checked-out of the prior relationship. You were just waiting for OW to leave her husband so you two could ride off into the sunset together.

 

With OW dragging her feet(stringing you along), your fantasy world came crashing down. Now, instead of having two women at your beck and call, you're stuck with your "d!ck in the wind"(pardon my bluntness)

Edited April 13, 2012 by despicableME

[stillwater]

I'm at a loss. Just to be clear... Are you still in the affair?

 

Yes.

 

I'm of the same mind. The problem here is, his x-GF sounds like she's co-dependent. She actually knows about it, and the continuation of the affair, but hasn't shown any of the classic BW/BG traits. It sounds like she's ready to accept him back into the fold... sounds like rugsweeping to me.

 

Ok here's the deal with the xgf. She knew of MW, knew we had been hanging out, and after the "I'm unhappy" talk she started suspecting. She'd ask questions, but it was never really a confrontation. A little while later, I broke up w/ her and confessed about MW at the same time. Her immediate reaction was to want to work it out, obviously with the caveat that I would go NC with MW. I told her I didn't want to work it out. Not much really changed between us for a while though, we were still on friendly terms, stayed in the same house, slept in the same bed (no sex), etc. We were acting more as roommates than anything. After a couple months she took a job in a different city and moved out, so she's not living here anymore, but she still tells me she misses me and stuff like that. I don't reciprocate. We do still talk on the phone and she's been out here a couple weekends, which is no doubt a bad idea, but I don't think I'm giving her false hope (I asked one time, and she just laughed and said I've made it obvious I don't want to be with her, and that she just hopes we can be friends). We haven't even begun any discussion on what to do with the house.

 

Only once in all this, a couple months after the break-up, did she really get pissed about MW. It made me respect her a whole lot more, and I think that was part of the problem all along. She never really stuck up for herself, I started to take her for granted. No that's not an attempt at blaming her for me starting an A with MW, just reflection. I own plenty of blame for my lack of communication of my needs, among other things.

 

So yes, I think you're right about not really loving her and just missing having someone around. That's why I'm not planning on rushing back to her. When I mentioned the ex-gf at the end of my OP, it wasn't to say I was hoping to go back. I have enough trust in my feelings that if I wanted to be with her, I would have married her before.

 

And yes, I tend to be long-winded.

Edited April 13, 2012 by stillwater

[despicableME]

I might not agree with what you're doing, but I dig your honesty regarding the questioning. You're nnot beating around the bush... this is how you feel- so be it!

 

How long do you expect to wait for OW? As long as it takes?

[Arrangrl]

Hi SW

 

Have a read at my recent posts....I have finally realised that I potentially could wait 'forever' on MM.

 

Im going to have to break all contact and make an attempt at getting out there and meeting new people and looking out for ME for once. It's very very difficult though, I totally emphasise with you.

 

Arran x