Phanpooh Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Today is 3m NC, 5m after BU.... in 5m, i changed a lot, but indeed, i know i am still me! i'm in better place now but after 3m NC ( i dun remember that exactly XD ) i think i didn't really deal with my BU... After she left, i found a hole in my soul, and i dun know how to deal with it. I could do like her, find a rebound, find someone to fill that hole and keep enjoying my life, avoid my loneliness and wait to be better then BUT a think about " just take somebody to replace that hole, make me sick", in fact, I'm too good to forgive her, but im not stupid to wait for her. In other hand, her action, her thinking, her selfish just simply dishonour me. I could see how she treated me and how respect she gave me. So i tried to hide my emotional, and try to fix "wrong" things, try to be better, Keep learning more, working harder,.... and do everything just to avoid my feeling, And day by day, that hole is bigger, sometime, i can't see anything else, just i lost something in my mind and i don't know what is that. I'm better, and learned my lesson from that BU but i think, that not a good way to treat myself, i deserve more, I told with some old friends, saw some old picture, remember a lot of fun and i made jk around people, that is me, funny people, no masks, no lying..... Who always help everyone, who always make fun with everyone, who is cold but care about people. Who could say :" i dun care but doesn't i dun understand" After 5m, now i think time is enough, i need to face with my BU and deal with it AGAIN. I dun need to run away, my life is going and i don't want to lose anything else. I don't need to change myself, time will do that for me, time will heal my pain, time will teach me live, time will fix my wrong and it don't wait for me.... I dun need to keep NC, but that doesn't mean i want to break it, just i dun hold myself on this subject anymore, i do not need to contact with her, and now, i think i should be angry then accepted that, i HAVE TO be stronger.....
Mr Scorpio Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 Time will heal your pain, but it wont necessarily change you. You have to do that. At the very least, it sounds like you've got a positive attitude, which is the most important thing.
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