huge problem in my life...

[lovestuck0626]

Sorry that i'm leaving out the introduction but here's my story.. So i've been with my "girlfriend" for about 2 1/2 years and for the passed almost year i've been anti-social, don't trust people, Rarely eating, Super stressed everyday (i even feel like im carrying 2tons of bricks and feel all the weight on my shoulders) because i feel like she got with the entire world after she cheated on me on our 1 year & 8 month mark. She managed to sleep with 5 guys(2 are the cousins of her bestfriends boyfriend) on her count while we we're on a temporary break, mind you she was under the influence of either alcohol, X , and xanax(sometimes). I've found proof of her sneaking around in her pictures and she's came to me many times at like 3-4 in the morning to pick her up because she either dosen't want to be where she is, or shes hammered. I've lost all my friends because they try and get her into bed because mind you i live in miami... ^.^ All day i think about what she could of done with the "5guys" and what moments they had that we're special to us when we were "perfect".

 

It sickens me to my stomach when i am at work and i cant even explain how bad i feel but yet i cannot let her go & she won't go away. so i give in and end up picking her up everyday.. Even though every time i look at her all i can think about is who is she gonna **** next? why is she so sloppy and does not care? why does she hurt me now on purpose and i not care?

 

 

I have to step out if you guys could help me... that would be great, I'm extremely concerned so if you guys would give me you best advice i would really appreciate it & i dont mean "dude just drop her" , "get over her move on" because that does not help. I will continue this post if you are intersted in helping

 

thank you

[geegirl]

If you had any self-respect, you would have left this circus a long time ago. When a person insists on engaging with someone with this type of toxicity, there is no one else to blame but themselves. Your self-value is probably non-existent and that's why you deem yourself worthy of poor treatment.

 

Why is she so sloppy and does not care? That is because she does not care.

 

Why does she hurt you on purpose and you not care? That is because she can since you are willingly accepting ill treatment. When you let someone take a piss on you, guess what, they will take many more pisses on you. You care, it's just that you feel so worthless that you'll accept anything, even when it is nothing because you have no sense of dignity, self-respect and no love for yourself.

 

If you want your life to change, then your choices have to change. Unless you do that, you will forever wonder if she is out banging some cousin's sister's uncle's brother and you will forever be her doormat.

 

Can she change? No one can answer that. Even if she wanted to, who knows how long it will take for the lightbulb to go off and when she makes that decision, it will most likely be a long duration of therapy. Even then there are no guarantees.

 

So, the alternative is you stick around and let her wipe her feet all over you and you beg for more, or you grow some and realize that life has so much more to offer you, if you start finding ways to restructure yourself so that you don't make the mistake of allowing such madness into your life again.

 

I cannot let her go = I'm too much of a coward to be alone besides anything is better than nothing.

 

She won't go away = You choose to let her back in. She will do what she wants. You have to control your actions and that is to shut the door and move on. She can't come back if you don't let her back in.

[Chi townD]

you see how uneven this relationship is? You state that she's sloppy and doesn't care. Then why should you? It seems that she's not as invested in the relationship as you are, so answer me this. Why are you still there?

 

You stated that you don't want people to tell you, "Dump her already" Or "break up with her" Okay, then answer me this. After all the crap that she's put you through. All the disrespect and lack of remorse, here my question. Why ARE you still with her? Now, here the rub. You're not allowed to respond, "Because I love her!" I want something else. If I can't tell you to dump her, you can't answer me, "because I love her."

 

Love is the foundation of the relationship and you need it in order to have one. But, it is only a facet to what an ENTIRE relationship is.

 

There's a famous quote by an Unknown,

 

"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting that they won't."

 

I think you feel pretty destroyed right now.

[lovestuck0626]

you see how uneven this relationship is? You state that she's sloppy and doesn't care. Then why should you? It seems that she's not as invested in the relationship as you are, so answer me this. Why are you still there?

 

You stated that you don't want people to tell you, "Dump her already" Or "break up with her" Okay, then answer me this. After all the crap that she's put you through. All the disrespect and lack of remorse, here my question. Why ARE you still with her? Now, here the rub. You're not allowed to respond, "Because I love her!" I want something else. If I can't tell you to dump her, you can't answer me, "because I love her."

 

Love is the foundation of the relationship and you need it in order to have one. But, it is only a facet to what an ENTIRE relationship is.

 

There's a famous quote by an Unknown,

 

"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting that they won't."

 

I think you feel pretty destroyed right now.

 

 

Well... i'm still with her because every time she's away from me. I feel sick, Way more then the usual, i don't eat because i'm never hungry, No sleep, enormous headache & Nausea . I go hangout with people who i thought we're my group of "brothers" & they all tell me "forget about her" , "that girls no good", etc. But yet i find them trying to be with her behind my back even after they tell me "I DONT EVEN TALK TO THAT GIRL NO MORE" and its so difficult for me to do something as simple as have a conversation because of how flustered i am all the time.

[geegirl]

Well... i'm still with her because every time she's away from me. I feel sick, Way more then the usual, i don't eat because i'm never hungry, No sleep, enormous headache & Nausea . I go hangout with people who i thought we're my group of "brothers" & they all tell me "forget about her" , "that girls no good", etc. But yet i find them trying to be with her behind my back even after they tell me "I DONT EVEN TALK TO THAT GIRL NO MORE" and its so difficult for me to do something as simple as have a conversation because of how flustered i am all the time.

 

NEWSFLASH! Everything you feel is everything I've felt after breaking up along with all the millions of people who've gone through the pain of losing someone. So that is not an excuse because you're not the odd one out. A break up is painful. You're not going to feel great, you're going to feel like something under a shoe.

 

But guess what, feeling "sick" after a break up is only temporary. You will get over her and when you do you will smack yourself silly for being involved with someone like that. Then you will feel much better and you will have better prospects in life. But only when you believe you deserve someone better.

 

Now, staying with her, will make you "sick" for a long, long time.

 

And dump your friends. You need a major life overhaul. Like I said, if you don't restructure your life, this is all it's going to be.

[Chi townD]

. I feel sick, Way more then the usual, i don't eat because i'm never hungry, No sleep, enormous headache & Nausea .

 

Okay, is this how your supposed to feel in a relationship? Last time I checked, you were supposed to feel loved, safe, secure and happy. You should also feel content, strong, giddy, butterflies in your stomach.

 

Dude, you live in Miami! A vacation paradise for the rest of us! I LOVE Miami and I KNOW there are so many things to do down there to keep yourself occupied. And TONS of beautiful women down there (and don't lie to me and tell me there's not! I've been to South Beach!)

 

I think it's time to let go. She slept with 5 guys in such a short period of time...shows no remorse or even mourning the loss of the relationship.

 

I know, easy to write, but not so easy to do. Post here, and post here often. People will be here to walk you through this.

[headsashed]

There is no other way of putting it,you have to walk away,shes ripping you apart and you are letting her,she will continue to do this while ever you let her so i suggest you get out now,listen to geegirl and chi townD,they give great advice and have helped me through my darkest times.

[Philosoraptor]

Well... i'm still with her because every time she's away from me. I feel sick, Way more then the usual, i don't eat because i'm never hungry, No sleep, enormous headache & Nausea . I go hangout with people who i thought we're my group of "brothers" & they all tell me "forget about her" , "that girls no good", etc. But yet i find them trying to be with her behind my back even after they tell me "I DONT EVEN TALK TO THAT GIRL NO MORE" and its so difficult for me to do something as simple as have a conversation because of how flustered i am all the time.

It's natural to hurt when something that was normal in your life is gone. But when your normal is being unhappy you need to get away from that.

[g450]

You wrote this:

 

"I'm extremely concerned so if you guys would give me you best advice i would really appreciate it & i dont mean "dude just drop her" , "get over her move on" because that does not help."

 

You wrote that because you knew it was the correct advice to be given to you so Ill go ahead and say it. Drop her and move on. You deserve better.

I refuse to blow smoke up your bum.

 

Now that I got that over with my gut tells me that you want us to write something like "stick with her" or "give her another chance". Wont happen.

 

So you might as well write your own response to yourself. I dont really think you want our advice, you want validation and justification for what you are doing now and continuing to do. Why do that to yourself?

 

Just give her NC and let yourself heal.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Sorry that i'm leaving out the introduction but here's my story.. So i've been with my "girlfriend" for about 2 1/2 years and for the passed almost year i've been anti-social, don't trust people, Rarely eating, Super stressed everyday (i even feel like im carrying 2tons of bricks and feel all the weight on my shoulders) because i feel like she got with the entire world after she cheated on me on our 1 year & 8 month mark. She managed to sleep with 5 guys(2 are the cousins of her bestfriends boyfriend) on her count while we we're on a temporary break, mind you she was under the influence of either alcohol, X , and xanax(sometimes). I've found proof of her sneaking around in her pictures and she's came to me many times at like 3-4 in the morning to pick her up because she either dosen't want to be where she is, or shes hammered. I've lost all my friends because they try and get her into bed because mind you i live in miami... ^.^ All day i think about what she could of done with the "5guys" and what moments they had that we're special to us when we were "perfect".

 

It sickens me to my stomach when i am at work and i cant even explain how bad i feel but yet i cannot let her go & she won't go away. so i give in and end up picking her up everyday.. Even though every time i look at her all i can think about is who is she gonna **** next? why is she so sloppy and does not care? why does she hurt me now on purpose and i not care?

 

 

I have to step out if you guys could help me... that would be great, I'm extremely concerned so if you guys would give me you best advice i would really appreciate it & i dont mean "dude just drop her" , "get over her move on" because that does not help. I will continue this post if you are intersted in helping

 

thank you

 

She sounds like a side show act. You are allowing this to happen by staying. the best thing to do is drop her. She won't change. YOU should change and get some self respect about yourself. You could do so much better than this.

[HollyBolly]

I will NEVER understand why some people will go back to ones who cheated on them. I NEVER will. It is really sad. Goes to show how afraid of loneliness we are. Just sad. Sad.

[gibson]

Do not put a question mark where she put a period.