Mystic Dreamer Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) Hello all, I will give as much details as much as possible. I will try to make this short as possible as well. I've met a guy back in July 2010 through a mutual friend. We went on dates and we had alot of fun together. He mostly initiated the contact and would see each other a few times a week. In December 2010 he asked me to start working out with him at his home gym. We became good friends and lovers. In January 2011 he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. In Feb 2011 I BBM (blackberry messenger) him one night to confirm a movie date that he asked me out on then got a BBM back saying "no he isn't going anywhere tonight sorry honey". I thought it was a joke and I asked "who is this" and he says "this is his baby mother", then she deleted me off the messenger. It was kind of hard to believe because he has 1 daughter and she lives out of state. So I called later on that night. He answered but he gave little details. He claimed that the woman wasn't his baby mother and she was just a girl who he used to deal with who was spitful that they weren't together anymore. He said he left his phone on his job table and she took her son to him to get a haircut (he's a barber) and she somehow got to his phone. I told him to leave me alone. A few days later he tried to apologize and justify. He asked if we could be friends. Then he started blowing me off and cancelling plans. So I had enough and told him never to contact me again. July 2011 I saw him at our mutual friend's BBQ and we started talking again. A month later I found out that he just had a baby boy and I found out it was from the same woman who answered the phone that time. I confronted him about it and he confessed everything. He told me that he really liked me and the woman was someone he dated in the past and she came back to tell him she was pregnant by him. He said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He said he doesn't want to be with her and is only there because of his son. I was upset but I just decided to be friends with him and nothing more. He claims that they don't get along and she is very difficult to be with which is why they broke up in the first place. We've been communicating regularly throughout the rest of the summer and fall months. Everything was cool and our friendship grew alot closer then it ever was. November 2011 in a series of 3 weeks he got into an accident and lost his car, he got laid off of his main job and now only has the barbering job which he barely makes money and his baby mother decided to take him for court. She called the cops on him cause of an intense argument they had and in the process called ACS and decided to take him for child support. During those times he had been stressed. he said after all the devious things she done he would never ever be with her again. He says he regrets buying her a car and ipad when she gave birth but he said he only did it because she was having his child and just to keep her happy. He called me almost everyday for advice and support about looking for jobs, the future and his family. He apologized for not being able to take me out on dates anymore because he's been broke and depressed from his situation. I said I understood. So mostly I just been visiting him, making him dinner and just relaxing and talking about life etc. January 2012 I was at his house one weekend (I was there the whole weekend) and his son's mother dropped his son off (he said she doesn't come inside so I never saw her). A few hours later he gets a text then he tells me I don't trust her and she might come over to start a fight. He tells me its best if I go home and he called me a cab. I was furious then left. Things have been rocky since. He didn't call me as much and became distant. I asked him about the distance thing and he said its because he's been stressed and depressed about everything that's going on. So I let him be. He called a couple days later asking me to come over. I told him he's been distant and now he expects me to just come when he feels like it. He apologized. Then I decided to tell him how I felt. I told him I loved him and cared out him and just wanted to be there for him. He says he cares about me too but he doesn't really love anyone. He explained that because of his past and not really being close with his family he says its hard for him to love people. He says he don't even love his baby mother. So I said well then I have to leave you alone. He says why can't we be adults and just be friends. He says it's no reason for us not to speak. So I said ok. Last week I went over to his house and I notice that there was an extra toothbrush in his bathroom and an extra kids mattress. I knew that his son's mother had an older child so I confronted him about everything. I flat out asked him is he back with her. I said to him that "you never mentioned anything about the court cases or anything bad she did lately so what's going on?" "Did she drop all the cases because you guys are back together"? He says "no we are not back together and I asked her to dismiss the cases because he barely makes money so its no point taking me for child support". "She comes over sometimes but its because of our son". As a last straw I told him "I'm not comfortable in just being friends and I think you are lying to me". "Lately you call me a lot to see how I'm doing but now you just been asking me for more sex". He said he is not using me but he says he doesn't see why we can just be friends and have sex too. He says he doesn't want a relationship. I just went home. Later on I texted him and said "I'm tired of you breaking my heart and disapointing me. I'm tired of you taking advantage and getting my feelings hurt. If I can't have a relationship with you then I don't want anything else to do with you. I can't see or speak to you anymore". He texts back "smh" then another one "ok". That was Sunday. Its Thursday and I haven't heard from him since. One of my male friend's says he could just possibly using the baby mother because she has his son and she has a car so maybe he uses her to take him places. He could also be using her so he doesn't have to go to court but in the future when the son gets older and his finances get better he will just leave her. I don't have my car right now but my friend says maybe if I did he would have me around much more. But he tells me to just move on and don't worry about it. My main issue is that I did so much for him and he appreciated it. We were good friends and he even asked me to be his girlfriend. So was it possible that him having a baby changed everything or how he felt about me? Did his current financial situation made him not want a relationship anymore? I just want a loving relationship and think I deserve better which is why I left him alone. I just want someone new. It just bothers me at the fact that he didn't try contact me back and it hurts so much inside. It makes me think maybe he started not to like me anymore. I just have mixed feelings. I don't want him back but do you think it's a chance that he might try to contact me in the future? I just need some input on this situation. (Sorry if it's too long) Edited April 12, 2012 by Mystic Dreamer
JohnnyCage Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Can you explain why you have been with him as a FWB also for this long? I just don't get it. Why can't ppl understand that relationships are not supposed to be so complicated. You should have struck him off your life a long time ago. It still stumps to know that you want to know if he will contact you in future. Seriously?
Author Mystic Dreamer Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 The reason I asked if he will ever contact me in the future because I just want to know if he ever really cared for me like he said he did. Could you just forget someone that you cared deeply about?
JohnnyCage Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 But that's the question. Why did you start caring for him so much when he was treating you like $hit? It's good that you know what he is now rather than after a couple of years. Just leave him for good and NEVER contact him again. If he contacts you tell him to buzz off!
Author Mystic Dreamer Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 My main issue is that I did so much for him and he appreciated it. We were good friends and he even asked me to be his girlfriend. So was it possible that him having a baby changed everything or how he felt about me? Did his current financial situation made him not want a relationship anymore?[/Quote] I just wish I can get some input on this though
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