NothingButLove Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 My boyfriend has a friend who used to be his FWB a few years ago. I'm fine with the two of them hanging out as I trust my boyfriend. It does annoy me that she calls him a lot and I suspect she has a tiny crush on him but overall, I have no problem with the two of them being friends. The problem is that I don't really want to meet her. I can't even give a real valid reason other than "no, I don't want to shake hands with the girl you fooled around with for sport." I don't stop him from being friends with her but he's really upset with me for refusing to meet her. Input?
Emilia Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I think that's fine. I would meet her just out of curiousity and also to confirm boundaries but that's just me. You can ask your boyfriend to decrease contact perhaps - if she disrupts your together time. He should be fine with your not wanting to meet, I think he will give up after a while if you keep refusing.
HeartCure Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 My boyfriend has a friend who used to be his FWB a few years ago. I'm fine with the two of them hanging out as I trust my boyfriend. It does annoy me that she calls him a lot and I suspect she has a tiny crush on him but overall, I have no problem with the two of them being friends. The problem is that I don't really want to meet her. I can't even give a real valid reason other than "no, I don't want to shake hands with the girl you fooled around with for sport." I don't stop him from being friends with her but he's really upset with me for refusing to meet her. Input? Its fine if you don't wanna meet her,but do let your boyfriend know that you feel uncomfortable when she's around.Keep in close contact with your boyfriend and just make sure that he's yours and you're his,there shouldn't be any problems with her anymore.
NeverDated Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 My boyfriend has a friend who used to be his FWB a few years ago. I'm fine with the two of them hanging out as I trust my boyfriend. It does annoy me that she calls him a lot and I suspect she has a tiny crush on him but overall, I have no problem with the two of them being friends. The problem is that I don't really want to meet her. I can't even give a real valid reason other than "no, I don't want to shake hands with the girl you fooled around with for sport." I don't stop him from being friends with her but he's really upset with me for refusing to meet her. Input? Why should you have to meet anyone you don't want to meet? This sounds like a really awkward situation doomed to be full of fail. One of the most uncomfortable moments of my relationship was when my boyfriend and his ex did the "s**t exchange" (she had moved about 8 hours away a few months before they broke up), and he insisted I be there and meet her. In fact, we were even supposed to go out to dinner, so I was all dolled up. Then I got ambushed with the news that she was in town visiting, we were meeting her AND she/her new BF were going to dinner with us. Ahh yes, hello insecure woman who used to have sex with my boyfriend and still pines for him, I'm the woman who is now responsible for giving him head. Nice to meet you! Love the hair!
FitChick Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I think that's fine. I would meet her just out of curiousity and also to confirm boundaries but that's just me. There is a saying, "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer." I would meet her, especially since you think she still has a crush on him. She needs to see the two of you together as a couple, so she might be less inclined to drive a wedge between the two of you. Better yet, you and the BF should try to fix her up with other guys to keep her occupied.
Author NothingButLove Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) Thanks for all the advice! I have no real proof this girl has a crush on him. I don't feel uncomfortable with her being around him (they don't hang out all that often and especially not alone) as I do with the fact that she calls him so much. At least 4-5 days out of the week her number appears on his phone, whether it's because she needs something or just wants to check in with him. Why should you have to meet anyone you don't want to meet? This sounds like a really awkward situation doomed to be full of fail. And I agree, which is why I'm refusing. Just getting input as he seems so confused by my reaction. I can be nice to her but I hate being fake Lol Edited April 12, 2012 by NothingButLove
RiverRunning Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I'd say let your boyfriend see this thread. I have a "no ex-lovers-or-girlfriends" policy. I go no-contact with exes after a break-up or at least before I get serious about another person. I put up with that crap before and I would NEVER tolerate it again. In my experiences, there's always more involved than you think is involved, and before you know it you're deeply entrenched in a crap chute. Fortunately, in your case, she's the one acting toward him, not him acting toward her so much. Ask your boyfriend if he'd like to meet one of your former boyfriends/FWB. Gauge his reaction. Most people are hypocritical about this sort of thing - it's cool if they do it, but Gawd forbid their lover do the same. If your boyfriend gets mad at you over this again - I honestly think that this is a red flag. Why is he so insistent on you meeting this girl? My ex told me two things that brought up issues with his ex-girlfriend, i.e., "You would have really liked her!" and "I'm going to mail this book to her!" Red flags. He would also act upset if I said I wanted nothing to do with her, never wanted to talk to her, etc. To me, this is a possible sign that he also still has feelings for this FWB, OP. Obviously, only you can decide if that's true or not. He may not act on them in a romantic way, but the attitudes he holds toward her can color your relationship - for better or for worse. Something to keep in mind even if you never catch him sending her lovey-dovey texts or sleeping with her. What would I say? "Joe, I appreciate that you want me to meet your ex-who- er, friend. However, your past relationship with her makes me uncomfortable and I don't want to meet her. I'm okay with you having a friendship with her. I would also appreciate it if she would call you less often, maybe only once or twice a week. That would make me feel more secure in our relationship. I do appreciate the invitation to hang out." If he keeps being forceful, walk out the door. Seriously. A guy who's going to give you crap about meeting the woman he used to sleep with must have something going on upstairs if he thinks that most, or even some women, are genuinely thrilled about meeting the women they used to bang.
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