SomeGuy7431 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Wife and I have been married for 5 yrs. We have a 2 yr old who we equally love. My wife seems to be emotionally abusive to me which has gotten worse through our marriage. I recently hurt her by emailing other women and I took. Some of her pain medicine which I now regret. I think I was dealing with the emotional abuse. She told me we need to separate and I agreed. When I found a new place she the decides she wants to work on the relationship. I am skeptical because there seems to be no trust left. She never wanted to work on it before. Just don't know what I should do.
Jstub Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 It may be that once reality hit her, she realized she does not want to lose you. You can give it a chance (if you are willing). During that time, pay close to attention to her actions (not words). If she really wants to work on your marriage, she would do anything to make you feel loved and get you back. Goes without saying, you e-mailing other women was not a good idea and you should stop that right away if you want to work on your marriage. Welcome and good luck.
elfman Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Hey Some, Main question here is, do you want her back? Has she changed her abusive behavior? You seem to have posted here for the first time AFTER you separated and went through the whole thing... Now your wife says she wants to work on your relationship... Which is what some of us, if not most, seek to accomplish by doing strategies like the 180 and NC... Did you do these strategies? You took some of her pain medicine as in what? You actually started using her pain medicine? Or did you take AWAY her pain medicine? Are we even talking about a prescription drug here, or are you using a metaphor to say you became abusive too? How is she suggesting to go about working on your relationship? Counseling? Anger-Management? You are not divorced yet right? Keep posting, there is wonderful advice to be had here... The more info you give the posters, the more advice you will get. Good luck. E.
NeverDated Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 My wife seems to be emotionally abusive to me which has gotten worse through our marriage. Details? This just doesn't tell very much about what's going on in the marriage that got you to the this point. I recently hurt her by emailing other women and I took. Some of her pain medicine which I now regret. I think I was dealing with the emotional abuse. Please don't redirect your bad behavior on hers. She may be emotionally abusive, but you made the decision to email other women and take pain pills. These are two separate issues. She told me we need to separate and I agreed. When I found a new place she the decides she wants to work on the relationship. I am skeptical because there seems to be no trust left. She never wanted to work on it before. Just don't know what I should do. Do you want to work on the marriage? Do you want to fix it? If you do, go to marriage counselling and individual counselling. Both of you. From your brief intro, your marital problems are stemming from distinct personal problems in both you and your wife. No amount of marriage counselling and "work" is going to fix the situation unless you both resolve your own problems.
Author SomeGuy7431 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 When I say emotional abuse she seems to creat and embrace conflict as a means of control. She has asked me to choose between her and my parents. She will not apologize for anything she does and will not make concessions. She likes the control and I am to the point were I cannot handle it anymore. I am going to individual counseling. She went to one session with me and basically just bashed me over and over and refuses to go back. I sometimes lie to her just to avoid conflict.
Author SomeGuy7431 Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 When I say emotional abuse she seems to creat and embrace conflict as a means of control. She has asked me to choose between her and my parents. She will not apologize for anything she does and will not make concessions. She likes the control and I am to the point were I cannot handle it anymore. I am going to individual counseling. She went to one session with me and basically just bashed me over and over and refuses to go back. I sometimes lie to her just to avoid conflict.
Owl Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 If she refuses to attend counseling, then she's not serious about her desire to reconcile with you. You need to INSIST this as a minimum criteria before you even CONSIDER the option of resuming a relationship with her. If she refuses, you have your answer. Move on.
elfman Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 When I say emotional abuse she seems to creat and embrace conflict as a means of control. She has asked me to choose between her and my parents. She will not apologize for anything she does and will not make concessions. She likes the control and I am to the point were I cannot handle it anymore. I am going to individual counseling. She went to one session with me and basically just bashed me over and over and refuses to go back. I sometimes lie to her just to avoid conflict. **** bud, my alarms are going wild with the thing about your parents, THE SAME EXACT thing started happening to me with my wife, she would "make up" all these comments that supposedly my mom made about her, and say that my mom hated her and ****... it eventually got to the point where she would not set foot anywhere were my mom was... or my sister for that matter... so that drove me away from my family, since I took her side, like a moron. She might be an emotional leech buddy, working toward isolating you from all possible contact and making you dependent on her approval and love. This happened to me. Watch it. Take care, E. P.S: Even though I behaved like a moron by standing by my wife every time she did not have any reason to bash my family, when she decided to leave, my family has given all the support they can, proving that family is unconditional, at least in my very fortunate case.
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