Mr Scorpio Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I'm playing with fire here. I swore up and down that I would never contact my ex. She treated me like garbage when she dumped me for the second time. So why would I even contemplate breaking NC? Because no one else I know can identify with whats bothering me -- school/family stress, anxiety/depression -- as well as she can. I guess it would be nice to have a conversation, albeit by e-mail, with a person who knows me and knows what I'm going through. At the same time, I haven't dated anyone since she left me. I can't imagine dating someone in my current state. So, I have to be honest with myself that part of me might want breadcrumbs. Hell, I'd be afraid of her disclosing anything about her life (i.e. the great guy that she replaced me with, a potential wedding that may have already happend). Adding pain or getting emotionally attached to my ex during this time in my life certainly isn't going to help. Maybe I should just read "The Art of Happiness" over-and-over-and-over and try to exercise more. I don't really know what to do other than to keep on keeping on.
smudge21 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 No point in reminding you of the outcome if you break NC, you already know that pain. Instead, just write out the text or email, but then save it in drafts. Give it a day or two and come back to it. See if you still wish to send it, or that you feel relieved that you didn't. As for knowing stuff about the ex, trust me, as one who knew about her wedding for over 6 months, ignorance is definitely bliss.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I think you answered your own question: Hell, I'd be afraid of her disclosing anything about her life (i.e. the great guy that she replaced me with, a potential wedding that may have already happend). Adding pain or getting emotionally attached to my ex during this time in my life certainly isn't going to help. Dont. Do. It. ! The odds of anything positive coming out of breaking NC are practically zero...you know this. I know this. I am reminding you of what we both already know. Say it here, say it to a friend, write yourself a letter, just don't break NC.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I'm playing with fire here. I swore up and down that I would never contact my ex. She treated me like garbage when she dumped me for the second time. So why would I even contemplate breaking NC? Because no one else I know can identify with whats bothering me -- school/family stress, anxiety/depression -- as well as she can. I guess it would be nice to have a conversation, albeit by e-mail, with a person who knows me and knows what I'm going through. At the same time, I haven't dated anyone since she left me. I can't imagine dating someone in my current state. So, I have to be honest with myself that part of me might want breadcrumbs. Hell, I'd be afraid of her disclosing anything about her life (i.e. the great guy that she replaced me with, a potential wedding that may have already happend). Adding pain or getting emotionally attached to my ex during this time in my life certainly isn't going to help. Maybe I should just read "The Art of Happiness" over-and-over-and-over and try to exercise more. I don't really know what to do other than to keep on keeping on. My dear MrScorpio; just because she understood you doesn't mean she understands you now that time has passed. She moved on. We are the past to our ex's. Your ex treated you like garbage, why talk to someone who did that to you? What has she done to earn the right to speak to you? Exercise, read positive affirmations, listen to jovial music, none of that heartbreak stuff. Our ex's have nothing to do with us anymore and they made that choice. Going NC will worsen things for you and enhance the negative things you are feeling. Don't do it; don't go there.
xxSRMxx Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 She doesnt have the right to know about your happiness, never mind day to day stresses. It will open new wounds. 2
Author Mr Scorpio Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 [quote=SilverBlueAndGold;3934106 Say it here, say it to a friend, write yourself a letter, just don't break NC. Hey. I just wanted you to know that I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Grad school is hard. Grad school is lonely. When I have to turn-down an invitation to do something fun so I can keep my nose in a book, I think about how you only had one night a week off from studies, and even then you only watched TV for a few hours for an escape. When I think about the future and having to help support a parent, I rememeber the times your mom called you crying for support. I remember the time that she threatened suicide and got put in the mental institution. When I fear that everything I'm going through is going to amount to nothing, I rememeber what you said one day while we were sitting on your deck. You talked about how, you were grateful to have traveled, to have been in love, to have had the experiences that you've had, and that everything else was icing on the cake. For me, most of what I look back fondly on was the time that I spent with you. I wish I was as strong as you are. I wish you were here with me.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Hey. I just wanted you to know that I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Grad school is hard. Grad school is lonely. When I have to turn-down an invitation to do something fun so I can keep my nose in a book, I think about how you only had one night a week off from studies, and even then you only watched TV for a few hours for an escape. When I think about the future and having to help support a parent, I rememeber the times your mom called you crying for support. I remember the time that she threatened suicide and got put in the mental institution. When I fear that everything I'm going through is going to amount to nothing, I rememeber what you said one day while we were sitting on your deck. You talked about how, you were grateful to have traveled, to have been in love, to have had the experiences that you've had, and that everything else was icing on the cake. For me, most of what I look back fondly on was the time that I spent with you. I wish I was as strong as you are. I wish you were here with me. There you go! You would not believe how many unsent letters I have, there really is something therapeutic about it.
silvermane187 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Yea dude, don't do it. She will just disappoint you and you'll end up severely mind fked. 1
Author Mr Scorpio Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 There you go! You would not believe how many unsent letters I have, there really is something therapeutic about it. I dont know. Putting the thoughts into words just makes it easier to imagine sending them. I feel like such a damn fool for even contemplating doing so, but I guess in my heart I believe that there is still something there. She sent me crumbs in November talking about how much she missed "me" and missed "us", but then there was never any follow-up on it. I'm already messed up in the head, so I guess that is ample reason to not risk compounding everything. Yet in another way it feels low risk/high reward since I'm already out of my mind. Sigh. I just want to find a place of contentment, even if only for a few years, or even months. I feel so little hope going forward that I guess I want to cling to good things from the past. Talk about messed up!
Reddice Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Well... I'm not a therapist, but how long have you been on NC exactly? And have you noticed yourself feeling better after all that time on NC? If it has been for a long while (6+ months) and those feelings are still strongly present, perhaps it would be a good idea to just send it. After all, holding it back is not helping either. Who knows, perhaps you will feel better afterwards. Just don't expect anything from it is all I can say. Heck... I might even say, expect the worst. In that case you will not get dissapointed.
Author Mr Scorpio Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 NC started in August of 2010. She broke it in November of last year with breadcrumbs ("I'm struggling with what/how much to say and how to say it") and then never said anything after that. I tell myself that she had a fight, broke NC for some temporary comfort, then patched things up and that is why she never replied. I've been feeling fine -- not counting the last two weeks -- since late 2010. In the end, I doubt I'll break it. I'm slowly coming out of the funk that I've been in. Besides, the last time she broke up with me, she told me she wanted to spend some time at a concert "alone" (i.e. -- I want to go meet the guy I've been chatting with from match.com). I don't see how, even if she did want me back, that I could trust her. I'd be constantly suspicious and worried. As much as I still desire her, it isn't worth risking my future over.
Recommended Posts