xztjohn Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 i have been ignoring my ex for 4 months now and was wondering what approach is better. should i respond to her messages next time or continue ignoring. i heard that ignoring your ex makes tem feel horrible an they em up hating you more. what do u guys think?
fucpcg Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I disagree with the vast majority in here that ignoring is the proper thing to do. If you had a relationship with the person, and CARED enough at one point to have a relationship with them, then you should respect them enough, even after breakup, to treat with decency. Treat those how you wish to be treated. Someday you may very likely find yourself in the flip situation... 3
smudge21 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Depends how they left you - if they cheated and treated you with no respect, then they deserve none back, so ignore them. If the split was mutual then go for it. But you have to ask yourself why is the dumper making contact, as most of the time it isn't to come running back or beg forgiveness, it's simply to feed their own ego. It is nice to think that you're being the nice caring one by responding to a dumper, but you'll be the one hurt from it once you've replied and they've gone back to ignoring again. Always remember, if an ex wants someone back, they will do anything and everything to get them back. Period! 1
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I disagree with the vast majority in here that ignoring is the proper thing to do. If you had a relationship with the person, and CARED enough at one point to have a relationship with them, then you should respect them enough, even after breakup, to treat with decency. Treat those how you wish to be treated. Someday you may very likely find yourself in the flip situation... This is a touchy subject, and while I agree with what you say on principle I think it has to be taken on a case by case basis. For me personally, our relationship was so volitile and emotional and toxic that I have come to the conclusion that I am better off without her, even though it hurts and I miss her. Any contact, even civil, would be dangerous for me because I know I can be weak and if I drop my guard I could get sucked back into the codependant cycle. And I do not need that, nothing else the relationship had going for it in a positive sense is worth that. My mind knows this, but my heart can get me into trouble if I do not remain vigilant. Now I would of course treat her with decency if she approached me because I still care for her (even though she is trashing me left and right). But it would still make me uncomfortable for the reasons I listed above. Bottom line is I am just too freshly wounded to make rational decisions and my best bet is to stay away.
fucpcg Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Yes I agree, viewer (of my posts) discretion is advised, but I gave my gut feeling on the question itself. Every scenario is unique and individual to each person in here.
M2155 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Depends on why they are contacting you and what you feel at the time. If you are not over the person, you will likely not be doing yourself any favors to stay engaged. If you have gotten them out of your system, then maybe it's ok. You have to change your expectations of this person too, they no longer have to treat and talk to you the same as when you were in a relationship and I think that is hard for some people to accept. However, I think it's fair in the name of not being rude if this person was always respectful toward you and had a real breakup talk with you, to just reply that you are not ready to be in contact. That's not being mean at all. At the same time though, if you have one that just keeps contacting you, then your ignoring them is affecting them, they are still motivated- be it ego or actual interest, you don't know, but they keep trying. Then it's your choice to let them just drive themselves crazy till they give up or ask them to stop. Just know once you give in or ask them to stop, they might just do so. And for some people that ends up being a good thing.
Chi townD Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 The purpose of NC is for YOU to heal from the relationship and move on. What the Ex feels isn't relative. They were selfish and ended it, well time to be selfish and fix yourself! They broke it off with you. They have no say on what you do in your own life. They have no right to ask you how you are. They have no more rights to see what direction your life is taking you. They made a choice not to be with you. That was their choice, so now they have to live with the consquences of their actions. 3
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 The purpose of NC is for YOU to heal from the relationship and move on. What the Ex feels isn't relative. They were selfish and ended it, well time to be selfish and fix yourself! They broke it off with you. They have no say on what you do in your own life. They have no right to ask you how you are. They have no more rights to see what direction your life is taking you. They made a choice not to be with you. That was their choice, so now they have to live with the consquences of their actions. Finally, the voice of reason. There are a few posts where the dumper actually has nerve to seek closure from the dumpee---extremely selfish. The dumpee owes dumper NOTHING. Totally agree with you, Chi.
Philosoraptor Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I disagree with the vast majority in here that ignoring is the proper thing to do. If you had a relationship with the person, and CARED enough at one point to have a relationship with them, then you should respect them enough, even after breakup, to treat with decency. Treat those how you wish to be treated. Someday you may very likely find yourself in the flip situation... While I agree with you; I do not agree in this situation. If you read his past his reasons for communication are not in the best interest of himself nor the person he is contacting.
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