AKollegeGuy Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Hey, this is AKollegeGuy again. This time I need to talk about a friend of mine, my roommate actually. Like me he's a negative and cynical bastard (that's why we get along so well) and until recently, he was in a long distance, long term relationship with his girlfriend. He broke it off with her when he realized that they rarely saw or spoke to one another for years that didn't involve the internet or text messaging. And now he's trying to get back into the dating world. The problem he has isn't finding the courage to ask girls out, it's that he gets rejected. Constantly. In fact he told me that he has never been able to successfully ask out a girl, they all turn him down or ask to be 'just friends'. He also told me that his last girlfriend was the one to initiate the relationship. He's been using online dating on Match.com, but that hasn't worked and he also asked a girl out on our floor he liked because they hung out a lot, but she said no. Now he's heartbroken and I feel like he's about to just give up. I'm trying to get him to see a school councilor (it's free in college) he kept saying he's too prideful to go, but now he's starting to sway to the idea. He posed me a question that I couldn't answer, what's the point of asking girls out if they always turn you down? I don't know what to say because I'm worse off than he is and I can't really tell him anything that isn't just blowing smoke up his ass. Can anyone help?
Seneca Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) Seriously?! Man up!!! You are men. You are men. You are men!!! Rejection happens to everyone. The key is to rewind back to what you did and make changes on the next approach until you've got it down... Want a faster way to get better? Find someone, a friend, a family member, or a stranger, that is good with women. And ASK them how they do it. Buy them lunch to teach you how to do it. Don't over think this bro. You and your roommate need to stop feeling sorry for yourselves. Your ancestors had balls to live in a more dangerous world than ours... make them proud. Just tough love bro. I used to be nice about these things, but after seeing kids with missing limbs, or with rare diseases, have more heart and courage to live than what most people show.... Anyways... Man up! Go out and swing hard. Get rejected. Get up and try again. Edited April 12, 2012 by Seneca
casanovadude81 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I think the key is to not worry about getting a gf. Hard to do for some guys. If you can just live life and ask out girls you meet with out actualy worrying or caring if it "works" then you'll do better. As a friend what you should tell him is getting rejected is normal and that he needs to just keep asking girls out. Internet rejection is very normal many people have never had a sucessful date in all the time they used online dating. Every one struggles with this but if he learns not to care he'll have fun asking girls out and it won't matter if they say yes. Also he'll get a date easier.
borkus Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'm really curious about what your friend looks like. It might have something to do with his appearance. One of my friends gets rejected all the time. He's a good guy, but he is really out of shape. The guy has no clue why tall, slender, young women refuse to date him.
M2155 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Enlist a female friend to help you out and give some pointers (women love giving advice like that lol). My first guess if your friend probably lacks confidence. Confidence is sexy. The second is you can't just ask someone out, you need to flirt with them for a little while and get a better idea if they are interested. Its certainly not foolproof but it helps.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I think when you get to a point where you've been constantly and persistently rejected the only thing that can change your outlook is to have some success. All this "man up" stuff is just hogwash repeated by people who never went more than 6 weeks without a date. 2
somedude81 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I think when you get to a point where you've been constantly and persistently rejected the only thing that can change your outlook is to have some success. All this "man up" stuff is just hogwash repeated by people who never went more than 6 weeks without a date. Yup. Man up is as useful advice as telling somebody to just get some confidence. Getting some actual success is going to have a profound impact.
Badsingularity Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Yup. Man up is as useful advice as telling somebody to just get some confidence. Getting some actual success is going to have a profound impact. Actually it's the exact advice that most guys need. I would say that the majority of men need to man up. 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 no one knows more about rejection than me. trust me. and ive only ever had 1 girl. be grateful that he has had girls....
chimneychamp Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Agree with somedude and fortyninethou. If what you're doing doesn't work, do something else. Maybe stop "asking them out" and instead just flirt a bit to gauge reactions. Let them know you like them, without any expectations, and wait till you start getting a positive vibe or two. Test the waters before diving in. I'm not very good at dating, but I rarely get rejected when asking out because I only "ask out" those who have already responded to a few signals.
lso802 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 i get rejected like crazy, too. your buddy just gotta try not to take it too personally and keep casting out that net. i date off and on. it is hard getting rejected either outright or via subtle means.
verhrzn Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 *Shrugs* Maybe he should give up for a while. Maybe giving up for a time period will be so insufferable to him that he'd rather be rejected than not try. Or maybe he'll put himself in the "single and not even bothering" category and finds he likes it. Or Some of us just aren't attractive to members of the opposite sex, and when we reach that tipping point, it's better to admit it, give up, and focus our energy on something else. It's what I'm trying to do right now.
Author AKollegeGuy Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 I'm really curious about what your friend looks like. It might have something to do with his appearance. One of my friends gets rejected all the time. He's a good guy, but he is really out of shape. The guy has no clue why tall, slender, young women refuse to date him. Well he has a form of cerebral palsey in which his left side is slightly weaker than his right including shorter limbs. It's not noticible, per sey, but it does make it hard for him to do certain things (climb over obstacles, running, stuff like that). He is also a bit overweight, but he's trying to get into shape. We are getting talking to female friends on our dorm floor, but, and I'm not privy to all his chats with them, what I'm understanding is that all their talks are just them patting him on the back saying 'there, there'. He has decided to finally get a councilor to help his problems. He's been a bit more cheery, but he still gets hung up over his girl problems and how women go for *******s. That whole deal.
Sith Apprentice Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 It's all a numbers game and this is how it usually works for most guys. -Talk to 100 women and you'll get maybe 10-20 phone numbers. -Of Those phone numbers maybe 5-10 will pick up the phone and talk to you. -Of Those 5-10 maybe 2-3 will actually go on a date with you. -Of those 2-3 dates you might get lucky and find 1 that will go on more than 1 date with you.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yes Sith Apprentice, that is it! In marketing, it is calling a capture rate. If I let rejection floor me so easily, my cleaning service would have had no clients within a week and I would've given up. Instead you take the rejections and keep moving until both your skills improve and you find more compatible people.
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