neem Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) This is a fairly long story so I'll make most of it point form and try and summarize at the end. -Her and I know each other since elementary but never really became friends, same age now (22). - We've lived in the same neighbourhood for over 6 years. - Saw her out one day and decided to hit her up on facebook to see how shes been. - We talk back and forth for a few weeks....she asks if I'm single, and suggests that we hang out. - I tried to plan a few dates but she always had something going on, after the 2nd time I backed off... - Kept talking casually on and off for a few months - Finally decided to give her a a break for a few months... - Hit her up 3 weeks ago, she was excited to hear from me and asked for my cell number so we can text instead. - Began texting vigorously, lots of push and pull....flirty and lots of interest. - Had trouble setting up a time to hang out, eventually managed to get one after she was done studying @ midnight. (remember, she lives across the street). Here's where it gets complicated, she came over, we chatted, lots of prolonged eye contact, smiling, laughing, etc. After about 2 hours she said she'd love to stay longer but she has to go because her friends are coming over early tomorrow to celebrate st.patty's. I walked her home, after she opened the garage she came at me with her arms extended, hugged and gave me a kiss on the cheek. We continued texting after hanging out, frequency dropped a bit but she had exams so I didn't think much of it. She also continued playing an iphone based game with me. I asked her out the following week and she said, "The next 2 weeks are crazy for me at school, we may have to hold off for a bit :(" So I left her alone, checking in every few days. I ended up going out with her guy friend, she teased me asking, 'how our date went".... I asked if she was jealous to which she said "pretty much, haha." Two days later I asked to steal her for a few hours and I get this message: "Hey sorry. I was at the lib after my exam and my phone died, sorry if you sent me this a while ago. I've actually been sort of talking to someone I used to see, I don't know if it would be fair to either of you. I wouldn't want to lead you on, or make you waste your time. I would have said something earlier but I wasnt sure if it was going to amount to anything, so I just left it. Sorry if I have already led you on, it's just bad timing." Where did I **** up here? Should I have been more aggressive or was it actually bad timing? We are both good looking, well dressed, match together very well, I have my own condo across the street, good job, same social circle, etc. Any insight would be appreciate. I know I should move on but I really liked this one. Edited April 12, 2012 by neem
Imajerk17 Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 It sounds to me that you were always this girl's second choice or you were pretty much in the friend-zone. You made it pretty clear that you wanted to hang out with her. I get that this woman is busy with school and whatnot but if she were more interested, she would have found time to see you more often.
Emilia Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 There is nothing you can do if an ex pops up and you are not in a relationship with the girl. She is likely to go for the surer bet. I do think you built it up for too long with her though, you should have asked her out as soon as you started chatting on facebook, maybe within a couple of weeks. Now you like, it has built up too much and probably won't lead anywhere. It's no good investing this much time and effort in someone who isn't your girlfriend. Apart from that though, exes pop up all the time, it's the way it is unfortunately. EDIT: Oh, just re-read and saw you tried to date her before: I think once you realise someone is difficult like that, there is no reason to try again.
Author neem Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 There is nothing you can do if an ex pops up and you are not in a relationship with the girl. She is likely to go for the surer bet. I do think you built it up for too long with her though, you should have asked her out as soon as you started chatting on facebook, maybe within a couple of weeks. Now you like, it has built up too much and probably won't lead anywhere. It's no good investing this much time and effort in someone who isn't your girlfriend. Apart from that though, exes pop up all the time, it's the way it is unfortunately. EDIT: Oh, just re-read and saw you tried to date her before: I think once you realise someone is difficult like that, there is no reason to try again. I agree, I think she wasn't emotionally available or was trying to get back with her ex. She must have had some interest in me to ask for my number to start texting but it seems she was still not over this guy all along. Either that, or my buddy hinted that I was serious to her and she was too afraid of the commitment.
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 It doesn't sound like she's all that interested. The reason shouldn't matter.
sid3 Posted April 13, 2012 Posted April 13, 2012 I agree, I think she wasn't emotionally available or was trying to get back with her ex. She must have had some interest in me to ask for my number to start texting but it seems she was still not over this guy all along. Either that, or my buddy hinted that I was serious to her and she was too afraid of the commitment. No you were'nt serious to her,And that she was scared to commit is the biggest ego saver ever created. She liked the attention, Don't text with girls, its an attraction killer.
Author neem Posted April 14, 2012 Author Posted April 14, 2012 No you were'nt serious to her,And that she was scared to commit is the biggest ego saver ever created. She liked the attention, Don't text with girls, its an attraction killer. That's definitely possible, its just if it really was just for the attention she went beyond a level I thought possible. Texting me during dinner party's, in between soccer matches, before going to bed daily, and then telling me several times to dream about her. Its hard to explain the dynamic we had online but she just seemed too invested to only be seeking attention.
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