xxoo Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 JUST an obvious example... I knew it was a bad one but just needed one quick I tried to explain around it I agree that many daters on LS have a lot of ridiculous "wish lists" that they consider "deal breakers". That is one reason some are unsuccessful daters. But real deal breakers do exist. And one deal breaker, imo, is a lack of strong sexual attraction. I've read too many accts here of sexless marriage, where the woman admits that she never really desired the guy, but married him because he was good "husband material"
RiverRunning Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I've noticed that there are a lot of people here who go out on ONE date with someone, and then they post something here like, "He's so nice, funny, smart, etc., but he has weird hands/he's short/etc." Or the guys who post about how awesome a girl is, but, "She's 5 or 10 pounds overweight." It really makes me scratch my head. I was head-over-heels for my last ex-boyfriend. He was everything my first ex wasn't. But in time, we hit a speed-bump (Helloooo, ex-girlfriend!). That went on for a very long time and caused a lot of damage in our relationship...until thank God another man who was interested in me came into my life, and it woke my ex up when he realized that one of my co-workers was constantly calling me, knowing well I was in a relationship, wanting dates. There's no stronger pot of coffee than an imminent threat to your relationship. From that point on, our relationship was actually really pleasant. I had trouble getting over those feelings and we broke up about 4 - 5 months ago. I was no-contact with him until about 2 weeks ago, when he wanted to meet up for dinner. It went well, I miss him, and yar, yar, yar. We may eventually start seeing each other again. Since I've had distance from that big problem, I've started really seeing how GOOD the whole thing was. I had just focused so much on that one aspect - even after it was long history! - that I forgot about all the times we had a lot of fun together. Relationships involve work. They involve work until you die. I think that's why so many couples split after the butterflies go. They think that if it's meant to be, it just 'happens.' Part of a relationship's success IS chemistry - if you are total opposites, it's just very likely not going to work because you have nothing to bind you together. But a little incompatibility is normal. And the rest of keeping a relationship going is being able to figure out what's important to you or not, learning how to resolve conflict, etc. You just can't have it all in a partner, so you have to learn not to focus on the parts that bother you. And EVERY relationship runs into its problems. Anything that lasts a few years. I don't know of a single other couple around me that didn't run into: 1. A member of the relationship having an affair/being involved in some way with an ex/not being over an ex 2. One member of the couple taking advantage of the other (one of my friends and I both dated guys who didn't want to spend a dime/get their cars fixed/etc. My friend and I were both carting our boyfriends everywhere they needed to go, buying them things, etc. Total crap - this is one I wouldn't put up with again). 3. Arguments about family (such as having to take in family members who lost their jobs)
Recommended Posts