Whipple Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a couple of months now. I wasn't used to a guy being so nice to me so when we initially started dating, I was really scared. Eventually I laid it all on the table that I have been in some crappy relationships in the past. He took it well. I've been working long hours for the past few weeks (yesterday I worked 17 hours) and it's beginning to drag me down. I feel tired and my brain is slow. I still set aside time for him but my conversational skills have gone down the drain when I've been with him recently. I can't think of anything I really want to deeply converse about and I'd rather just rest next to him, make occasional small talk, and enjoy his company. I'm generally an introvert but it's basically gotten worse lately. I gave him the heads up that I'm going to be tired during this month because of work so he's aware of that. But my evil mind is beginning to intervene. One of my ex boyfriends repeatedly told me that I was boring person. I know I shouldn't care about his opinion but after all these years, it really affected me. This has been a HUGE insecurity for me and I often worry that I come off as a boring person to my friends, family, etc. I do my best to quell it and it's been something that I've discussed with my therapist. However, I've begun to worry that I'm a boring person recently since I've been tired and not my usual self. I'm really getting scared that he's finding me boring. I want to ask him if he thinks I'm boring but at the same time, I don't want to keep throwing my insecurities at him and sabotaging the relationship. I really don't know what to do. I've been crying all night. I'm really hating myself right now.
wwwjd Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 go to a bookstore, specifically the magazine rack, find and purchase THREE magazines about 3 very different topics that you find remotely interesting. say like: sewing, motorcycles, rock climbing ... I don't know... ANYTHING you want to learn more about. dive into it and develope it into a full blown hobby. don't just klepto on to HIS hobbies though, this is about YOU expanding your vision of your life. you can't work all the time, be tired, and have no life, you have to be interested in stuff, and that even makes you more interesting. I wouldn't dredge up the past if I were you. Just move forward and think of what tomorrow could bring!! Tomorrow could be the best day of your entire life, but you'll never know until it gets here. Meanwhile, start entertaining yourself with new hobbies and interests. I never talk about the past. I say, "Look, this is both of us starting fresh, brand new. Nothing in our past matters from this day forward. Can't change it, why fret about it?" If you don't want to bore him, mix things up a bit here and there. Suggest a campout on the weekend, or do an all night harry potter movie marathon, or clean the house mostly naked, or plan to cook something together, or go bowling if you never do that, or skydiving, or check in to a motel with a pool for one night
dispatch3d Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 Ok, so just to reiterate here, you are scared to ask your boyfriend if you are boring because you figure it will ruin the relationship? I'm just saying, if that's the worst thing that happened in one of my relationships I'd probably be pretty ****in happy with the relationship.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 This is an issue that I've been wrestling with. To be in a truly successful relationship you must be able to be 100% open with your partner about yourself and your insecurities. If you can't you'll never be able to be happy in the relationship. I think our society places a value on having our **** together before we are valuable enough to be loved, but the truly successful relationships are the ones where each person loves the other DESPITE these "shortcomings" and walks with them as they try to deal with it (which they may never fully do). I'd suggest slowly taking risks with this guy and sharing your thoughts and worries with him. If this guy is for you he'll be receptive, non-judgemental and supportive. As you build more trust you can divulge more of your worries to him. If he's really likes you for being you then he'll accept you despite your "boringness" and doesn't see it as a problem is his eyes. A lot of this thinking for me was inspired by this: I think you should watch it.
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