do you think she lied to me?

[Nantucket1984]

Hello friends, hope everyone is doing better and on the road to recovery. Last April 2011 my ex broke up with me. She is 20 and I am 27. too make a long story short I hid my addiction to painkillers to her. She knew I used to be addicted several years ago but beat that demon, little did she know that demon creepd back into my life. Anyways after our breakup last April 2011 I tried so hard to get her back, for 4 months straight. Told her that her walking away from me was a wake up call and that her leaving was my rock bottom. We kept in contact but she made it clear I needed to get help before we got back together. Since we stayed in contact for about a month into the breakup, I selfishly wanted more. I wanted to spend the night or have her spend the night like we used to when we were together. I wanted to go out with her more and do the things we used to do together. But she wouldn't accept that. I have never tried so hard to get any girl back in my entire life and I am 27 years old. But I truly cared about her and her daughter. She has a now 2 year old daughter who I took care of very well and my ex knew that. They both pretty much stayed over almost every night. I volunteered to feed the baby, bath the baby and play with the baby. I volunteered to watch the baby on my days off. I fell in love with the child and got attached even though it is not mine.

 

We got into a huge fight a month after our breakup and that pretty much sealed the deal as far as contact goes. Very, barely any contact through August. I decided to leave the place my ex and I worked together and decided to leave the state completetly. The main reason was I had to work over 80 hours a week just to pay my bills and my career wasn't moving to where I wanted it to be. Plus I had to get away from that pill scene or I feel I would of never recovered. Anyways, when I moved out of state back in September she started to reach out more with breadcrumb texts, pics of her kid and stuff like that, this continued here and there through the end of January. She was in a couple of relationships after we broke up that clearly did not go anywhere.

 

So back in February she contacts me with her new #. I replied back saying "thank you." She then called me and we caught up. Asked if I was clean. I said I was but then I relapsed but now I am clean again. For some reason, she said me being honest that I relapsed made her realize that I am back to being the honest guy she first me. So that one converstation led to daily, several times a day contact. Good mornings, texts throughout the days on how/what were doing, good night I love yous, etc. It felt like a long distance relationship. It felt great to hear from her, because I felt so bad for what I did last spring that I never and still have never forgived myself.

 

In the past month we made all these plans for her to visit me and me to visit her. I am leaving the new state I am in now for another state that I will be settling down in for several years for this new job. I said to her once I move out there and get settled in, maybe her and her daughter can move in with me. She said she would like that but still I need to prove to her I can be honest and clean while she works on getting rid of some of her debt. When I tell you my enotalone friends that everything was okay for that entire month we were talking, everything was fine! No arguments, no drama, nothing. Then one day I get a text from her saying "I know this makes no sense but I cant do this anymore, I am sorry. I know we are technically not together, but I just cant do this right now, I am sorry. I love you and I know things will work when we move out with you, but right now I cant do this, please just give me some time. talk to you soon."

 

I didnt take too kindly to this "text." I told her to call me and explain whats going on, she said she cant. I said "you came to me last month wanting to talk everyday, I told you it wasnt a good idea that we talked everyday if I didnt know if you were going to actually move to where I am going. I stuck by you through everything. I stuck by yourside when you were getting evicted, I stuck by your side when your roomate left, and I stuck by your side when your sister found out you were escorting(I know, I know I should of said goodbye then but I wanted to try and be there for her, fooolish I know!) I said I was there for you while your world was falling apart, all I did was be there for you as much as I can be living a 1,000 miles away. But if you dont respect me enough to pick up the phone and tell me whats up then please just lose my # and forget that your going to move wherever I am going to end up, because I will not go through this again with you. Its not normal to love someone but cant talk to them otp about something, its a cop out and I dont deserve it."

 

I said more then that, along those lines though but she never called to explain. Its been a month now, I figured she would of reached out by now. I just dont get how you can talk to me again, say i love you, make all these plans, want to move then randomly say you cant do this right now and to give you some time. I feel so f**ckin disrespected and blindsided.

 

Not that it helps, but I think it does she just turned 20 and I am 27. She had a baby at a very young age by a man that used to verbally and physically abuse her. she has a horrible relationship with her mother and her father is the only one that shes close too. However hes jobless, homeless and smokes weed several times a day. Her sister has been to jail twice and just recently got out.

 

I am no saint, I have my own demons but I feel like we are cut from different clothes. My parents are close to me and would never do drugs or not help out there kids. I have values and morals which I feel she does not have. I have ambition and goals where I feel she is happy with what she is doing now, working at a restaraunt. And she is so young. Sure she had to grow up fast because she had a baby at 17 but shes still a kid herself. I feel like she has no idea what a relationship is. All my friends think I am going nuts still talking to this girl. They didnt like her before they found out she was escorting(which she claims she stopped for me.) My friends just think I am in for a heartache of problems if I move her out to wherever I am going to be and I know they are right.

 

The other day I log into FB and realize shes in a relationship, 3 weeks after she sends me the text that says she loves me but needs some time. I cannot stop thinking about what has happened. I hate myself for caring so much about a person and a kid that is not even mind. I just want it all to go away. I know I can do better and I know I deserve better but I cant let her go. I know deep down there is no future but its been almost a year and I still feel this way. I am just tired of her being in my head all day, everyday. If she truly cared and loved me she wouldnt of just left me like that for no reason without an explanation, thats not love. Now I am here to pickup the pieces again like I did after the first time we broke up.

 

Any help, guidance or advice would be much appreciated.

[BewitchedandBothered]

My advice is to go over to the Sex forums...Some of the threads will have you laughing;) There is no reason to dwell on your situation; you have to try to move on from this. She has moved on. So should you.

[Nantucket1984]

Thanks for the replies. I am trying to move on, I really am. I just dont understand what she benefited from popping into my life for a month, while I am in another state and making all these plans if she realizes she cant do this right now. It doesnt make sense to me. I wouldnt waste my time on someone I dont care about about. Just seems like I was lead on.

[gibson]

Then one day I get a text from her saying "I know this makes no sense but I cant do this anymore, I am sorry. I know we are technically not together, but I just cant do this right now, I am sorry. I love you and I know things will work when we move out with you, but right now I cant do this, please just give me some time. talk to you soon."

 

Okay... So far so good.

 

I didnt take too kindly to this "text." I told her to call me and explain whats going on, she said she cant.

 

I don't get what your issue is.

 

She is very, very young, based on her past, your past with her, on what she texted you above, her actions and everything else that you wrote about...

 

She told you what her deal was and meant what she said. Which was...

 

I can't do this now or in the foreseeable future (and probably never).

 

What else did you expect?

 

At your age, you should know that 20 year olds are fickle, flaky, self-absorbed, immature, irresponsible, say things they do not mean, don't know who they are, what they want, etc.

 

Your Ex isn't anywhere close to wanting what you want. She has a lot of growing up to do and that will take many, many years.

 

My advice...

 

Go and date women that are 25 and older with life experience and have "story" to tell. You will find these women have already sowed their wild oats, are looking to settle down and would love to meet one of their "ones".

Edited April 11, 2012 by gibson

[Eddie Edirol]

Ah, this is an easy one. Your ex, at 20 years old, and immature, cannot be by herself. Someone broke her heart after she broke it off with you, and she has been trying to fill that void. So she calls you thinking she can get some emotional fill, and when she meets her new guy, she bails on you. Thats why she wont tell you the reason, the only reason is she needs someone there with her in person. She is emotionally dependent, and you dont want that. You did the right thing by cutting her off. Dont let anyone play with you like that again. Heres the rule of thumb. If you feel them pulling away, theres most likely someone else, because they always lie to you during a breakup.

[Nantucket1984]

Thanks for everyone that replied. Your all obviously right, its just hard to see that when your in it and love someone.

 

The funny thing is, when we first started dating I knew to stay away. Too much baggage, too many red flags, could see my family and friends saying to themselves "wtf is he doing, he can do so much better."

 

But after a few months I started to really fall for her and got attached to the baby. So I put all those red flags and baggage to the side and just accepted her for who she is.

 

I just really dont appreciate the lies and disrespect because this time I didnt deserve it. I sort of want to call her out on her lies but I know that will just boost her ego and make her think that I am still hung up on her. And boy would she like that!

 

All I have now is my pride so I guess I will take the higher road and just keep my mouth shut and try to realize that this isn't the girl I thought she was.