exercisemonkey Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Me and my girlfriend broke up after a fight, but she was very unclear on the reasoning. We're both under a lot of pressure, I'm moving away to go to graduate school and the plan was for her to come with me and finish out a few classes and apply to a grad program. We've been together for 6 years, and on the last night we talked as boyfriend/girlfriend she asked if I ever wondered what it was like to be single, or if I was concerned that we were each other's first. I said not really, but she seemed to have questions about it. She blamed me a lot for putting her in my shadow, which I never did intentionally and really tried to promote her exploring what interested her... she never really found something she was passionate about until about a year ago. Luckily her pursuing that would not have been put in jeopardy by moving. After we talked that night, and she left I texted her the next morning and said "I'm sorry for not being open when you wanted to talk about us when we fought, I love you and I'm ready to listen." She never texted back or came home. So I texted her that night and said "I guess that's my answer." Then she proceeded to have a text fight with me... I was so stupid I should have just left it at that, and told me we couldn't be together. Pretty ****ty after 6 REALLY happy years. I then didn't see or hear from her for a few days, and we live together. So I called her on the weekend and asked her to come over to talk about things (living, reasoning, etc.) She said she was coming over, but then left a voicemail saying she couldn't talk. Me being an idiot I went to where she was staying and confronted her. And had my heart ripped out and stepped on, I cried for a good 4 hours, she said she didn't love me anymore and said anything she could to hurt me. She was so full of anger like I've never seen. After that I called her again the next day, this wasn't like her at all because she absolutely adored me as long as we knew each other. We had fought in the past but never broken up or anything. She ignored my call, then texted that she was in public and couldn't talk but then went into a huge text conversation about all of it. I was blindsided by this entire thing, she claimed to hate me, that the 6 years had been broken the entire time, that I had been terrible for her. I really should have just not pursued it at all and let her cool off. So after Sunday I stopped texting or contacting her. Then on Wednesday she texts and asks how I am. I forget what I said, but I wasn't great. After texting back and forth for like 2 hours, she says she wants to see me for coffee. By this time I'd written a letter I was planning to give her expressing my feelings and confusion, so we got coffee which was kind of weird but she kept holding my hand, hugging, etc. Then we went to our house to talk, I gave her the letter and she decided to read it there. Lots of crying and talking commenced, I listened to everything she had to say and reaffirmed how much she means to me... well no surprise it didn't work she said that we can't date again right now, so I agreed and said we should be friendly. The next day she sent me a text saying we shouldn't see each other like that for awhile, it was too painful, I agreed and she said she was going to get a tattoo she'd wanted for awhile. This is not like her at all, usually before getting a tattoo she goes and has the artist draw it several times then waits awhile to make sure it looks right. This time she went in and just got it done, also talked to me a lot throughout the day. But then started ignoring me in the evening. I got another text from her the next day and she said that it'd be nice to see me and get coffee, so I went to meet her. She got there, showed me the tattoo, made small talk, held hands some and then when we were getting ready to leave planted a kiss on me (??) I was surprised to say the least, neither of us wanted to part and after walking to her car I kissed her and she didn't say anything. Then she called me as we were driving to work and we joked around like we were dating again. After work though she started ignoring me, I only sent one text this time and didn't pursue it. Eventually I called her to tell her that I was going out with mutual friends and I wanted to warn her because she didn't want to see me around other people. She got really angry because I was invited out earlier in the day and they hadn't called her about it. I told her she could go out since she really wanted to and I'd drive to go see some friends in another town. Well after that she didn't talk to me at all, I was really worried that like other guys were hitting on her but I managed to not text or call at all. Then on Sunday we start texting again and she says she can't focus on her school work, can't sleep and is miserable. I offer to reconcile but she shoots it down again and says she doesn't doubt her decision. I tell her we shouldn't speak. Two days later at 3:30 in the morning she breaks NC with a facebook message saying "Hey, sounds like you're keeping busy :-) That's good. Just wanted to say hi" ... then later said "I just wanted to say hi, had a moment of weakness, thanks for understanding" I didn't see all this until I woke up, and just replied "I don't think you're weak, I'm here if you need to talk, Miss you." Then nothing until 2 days later when she asks me to meet her at the house because she "wants to see me even though it might not be a good idea." So I meet her, thinking she wants to seriously talk now. It's just awkward at first, then we hug eachother, and I ask her a question about my moving. She says if I weren't moving that it wouldn't change, things would just be more awkward. Then she continues to reaffirm that we were so wrong, that we were hurting each other but while doing this breaks down. I gave up pursuing the issue right after my first question. She has a breakdown and throws her keys at the wall, and kicks stuff around floor. I tried to comfort her but that made her more angry. After that we both parted and I just said that I wish we could really talk about this, but if she's not comfortable we don't have to. She then called me and apologized for freaking out and said she wanted to get lunch (now this week). I just told her to text me when she wanted to. The next day I ran into her at the gym on accident, and just said hi and we chatted a little, she asked for me to hug her even though I was pretty against any physical contact at this point. Then that night I was at a bar with friends (she knows we go there all the time) and she shows up. I just say like, "Hi, I didn't know you were coming out." Just acting surprised and friendly and then she says in front of some friends "YEah, I didn't know either. This is weird I'll just go." I tried to tell her that since she was eating there and my friends and I were in a different area that it didn't matter we could just ignore each other. Then I did something really stupid, I confronted her about her living situation with a guy friend (nothing is going on, she doesn't trust men in general due to abuse as a child). She says she can't afford to get her own place because she had to buy a new computer, and says "If you want it just take all my ****ing money." I said no, I don't want to ruin you... then I confronted her about sending so many mixed signals. She started crying again and said she doesn't have feelings, at this point she's yelling and just really angry. I just told her that that's fine, but the way she's acting is confusing. She storms out and makes her friends drive her home to eat. After that I didn't initiate contact at all, from what I hear she's getting more and more angry by the day and hasn't been talking to any friends about what's going on. She contacted me again this week asking if I was at home because she wanted to stop by, I ignored it and she came over to get her stuff but didn't end up taking anything. I'm just not sure what to do from here... I can't contact her or see her because it hurts too much right now. But I don't want her getting more and more bitter because of what happened at the bar. It was stupid to confront her in that situation but I needed to say something to stand up for myself. Any suggestions welcome, and maybe advice on what I can do to help her. I think NC is best for now, but I don't want her to stew in her anger over our argument.
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